The Protector of Everything Transgender

[Dana Lane]

Actually, I think the problem many of US have, is we're not fully out.  I know a lot of us are, but for myself, until I'm living full-time, and everyone who knows me, KNOWS me, I won't have the ability to be any kind of activist.  Once I am out completely, I do feel I will probably do something.  I can't stand by and not.  What will I be ABLE to do?  I don't know.  That remains to be seen.  But since I will be transitioning "in place", there will be little point for me in attempting stealth.  So I will be a voice of some sort, eventually.  I know, that doesn't help much in the near term... 

In a world with the Interwebz you can still be an activist without outing yourself.

[Dana Lane]

Good for you 
I hope you never meet the likes of Kay Jones.

Do you know where I can find information on her? I am genuinely interested. Thanks

[annette]

Hi Roxy

I know Patty as a warm, supportive and understanding person, and i think you're both lucky to have eachother.
If Vexing  sees it like a crusading than it's her perception of things.Wich I respect but certainly do not agree
I think there should be more people like Patty.
The world would be a better place to live in.

lots of love
annette

[CaitJ]

Do you know where I can find information on her? I am genuinely interested. Thanks

No. Just...no.

[Stephanie.Izann]

I feel the same way about my wife. She so supportive and not afraid to say what she feels about things.  It doesn't bother me at all that she is CIS Gendered.  I think it just depends on the person and how they approach the subject.  She has come to my defense many times. She is also very pro LBGT and is very involved when she can.  Having her on my side makes me feel much better about my choices regarding transitioning and such.
When I transitioned people seemed more concerned about how she would take it.  They were totally surprised by how supportive and loving she was-and still is!
I also think that it's a beautiful thing when someone who married a "man" stands by "him" and supports "him" on his way to being who she really is. So many have lost their loves during transition. I'm one of the fortunate ones that has been able to move forward without any issues.
You girls ROCK!
~Stephie

[ToriJo]

I think the key for those of us who have never been personally directly experienced transgender issues, but simply love someone who is/was transgender, and want to help, is:

• We have a position of privilege we didn't earn or necessarily deserve.  Basically, society gives us rights automatically whereas someone who is transgender has to work for those same "automatic" rights.  And, even worse, few in society recognize that this dynamic even exists.  So we need to be careful when we are speaking/acting/etc, knowing that it would be easy to abuse the power that comes with the privilege.
• Because we aren't the people we're advocating for, we need to defer to them for direction, leadership, etc.  We're able to help, but we should not direct, preach, dictate, devalue an experience lived by another (but only observed by us), etc.

An excellent site, talking about allies of people who suffered domestic violence (particularly talking about male allies): http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/public_awareness/bulletins/fall2002/maleally.html

The points at that site talking about what makes a man a good ally to a woman who faced domestic abuse:

• He is able to take the direction and leadership in domestic violence work from women.
• He understands that women's need to be empowered is not a threat to his strength as a man, but rather an additional strength
• He listens to women and has a willingness to "call out" other men on their issues.
• He does not try to confine the women he is supporting or define the problems that they share with him.
• He is willing to take a stand on the issue of domestic violence by being vocal about it.
• He changes his perception, so that he knows that women who remain in relationships with batterers are not stupid.
• He helps other men in positions of authority to realize that when children of single mothers have behavioral problems, it doesn't mean that they "need a man in the house." This type of thinking is often encountered in male school principals, and it pressures women and children to stay with an abuser.
• He models behavior for his friends and other men by letting others see his example.
• He works to help unburden other men of the misconception that women who speak honestly about male violence are "attacking men."
• He is willing to hear women's reality "full out," because he realizes that there are aspects of this reality that he will not know about.
• He is not struggling with his own manhood, and does not need to prove that he's a man.
• He is a nonjudgmental partner; which implies equality and respect.
• He understands that women know that all men are not batterers.
• He is developing groups where men can rally against domestic violence actively and publicly denounce it.
• He doesn't assume that another man can't be a batterer because of his high position in a church, government, organization, etc.
• He has done his personal work to become aware of his own issues relating to the issue of domestic violence.
• He listens, but doesn't try to "fix" the problem by himself.

[CaitJ]

Thank you Slanan, that's precisely what I was trying to (unsuccessfully) get across earlier.

There's a difference between a Cis Activist and a Cis Ally.
I love cis allies and I'm pretty sure we can never have enough of them.
However I find people who are cis and activists for the 'trans cause' to be very problematic.
Historically, our entire condition and the psychology behind it has been defined by cis people. That needs to stop. We need control of our activism, we need control of how our condition is expressed by the medical community.
Cis activists need to back the eff off and listen to US.
In fact, cis activists for the 'trans cause' need to stop being activists and become allies.
This is why the thread title "The Protector of Everything Transgender" is rank in my nostrils - not only does it reek of an activist bent, but it implies some kind of ownership over transgender people and also implies that we NEED cis knights in shining armour because we're too useless to protect ourselves.
Collectively, were not. I'm not.
I especially dislike cis people 'championing' my condition without giving a frack about whether I want them to or not. I'm damn sure I'd contact the local Iwi and okay everything with them before I tried championing the cause of Maori Sovereignty in New Zealand.
It's a shame that so many cis people don't give us that basic respect.

[VeryGnawty]

There's a difference between a Cis Activist and a Cis Ally.

Aha!  So you do agree with the principles of the thread.  Now we're just debating semantics.