I'm starting to get pretty nervous about everything right now.
The last few days have been absolutely crazy, I've barely had any sleep, I feel almost totally drained at the moment. I had my change of name accepted, and started the whole business of letting every single person, corporation and government department that has known me by my old name know that my details need updating. I still can't look at my new photo ID without shedding a few tears
.
I had my first voice therapy session, which I had been holding out on for a while until I knew I wouldn't be needing to switch back and forth between voices. Easilly the most fun I've ever had with a medical professional . It does help the confidence as well when someone who works with TS women regularly tells you that if it wasn't for the voice, she wouldn't have picked you as being TS. It is kind of hard to accept that when I still have people making nasty comments about me behind my back after I've walked past them on the street, but if nothing else it does make me realise how much things have changed and how far I've come already.
I had my meeting with the state operations manager and state HR manager for my company at work, and I was really surprised with how accomodating and accepting they were. I had previously been getting some resistance in regards to letting me use the women's facilities - they wanted me to use a seperate bathrom on a different floor to our office, which I was
not happy about and let them know it - but they got that all sorted for me, they just told the centre manager that it would be sending the message to the other staff that there was something wrong with what I was doing, and that was the last thing they wanted me to think they were doing, so there was to be no question that I was welcome to use the women's facilities just as every other woman at work is. I was very relieved about that
.
The big thing though, and the one I wasn't expecting at all but probably should have, was that my parents have finally started to freak out about me transitioning. They've known I've been on HRT ever since the day I started, they've seen me dressed in female clothes before, I use my female voice when I talk to them on the phone, they've known what I was going to be changing my name to for quite some time - but I guess now that it's all happening and I've got the documents to prove it they've finally accepted that this isn't just something that I'm going to "get over" and just move on with my life as a male. So now my father is completely refusing to talk to me. My mother isn't being as extreme, at least she is still talking to me on the phone, but she told me flat out that she didn't want to see me. I'm hoping they just need some time to accept that this is they way that I need to live my life to be happy with who I am, because I've really relied on what I thought was their support over the last 9 months so much, and more than anything in the world I don't want have to move into this new phase of my life without it, and without them.
So now I have two days left of having to present myself as male to the rest of the world before I never have to do it ever again if I don't want to. I never thought I would be so excited and so upset about this whole thing at the same time, but if thats the way it has to be then I'm OK with being a bit of an emotional wreck for the next few days until it all comes together.
I'm going to stop typing now before I start crying again, I have to be at work soon
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Megan
