Transsexual owes it to boyfriend to tell him the truth

[LostInTime]

Link

Click the link for the full question.  the answer is as follows:

Although you may not think that the fact that you are a transsexual is relevant, it is presumptuous to think that you can speak for Marc. He needs to know the whole truth, and to keep it from him could constitute fraud. You did not mention whether he is planning on having children with you, and, loving him as you do, you need to be fair to him.

A marriage that is based on a lie is no marriage at all. It would always hang over you, and surely there are many others besides your brother who know about your sex change. My advice is to tell Marc everything before someone else does. Your future with him could depend upon his hearing the news from you -- and nobody else but you.

[tinkerbell]

Although you may not think that the fact that you are a transsexual is relevant, it is presumptuous to think that you can speak for Marc. He needs to know the whole truth, and to keep it from him could constitute fraud.

I agree.  It is just a matter of being honest with the person she says she loves.  If he truly loves her, their relationship will not suffer.

tinkerbell

[Sheila]

I will have to agree with Abby. You don't have to tell anyone else, but if you are going to marry then I think you have an obligation. This is not like asking how many sex partners you have had over the years, its something that could come up. You don't need to blind side the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. He should have been told sooner in my opinion. I know of a person who is dating this guy and she plans on not telling him at all. She had the same excuse as the person in Dear Abby. This is how a lot of Trans. people get killed. It is not right to kill, but if your dead what right do you have.
Sheila

[Sarah Louise]

Unless this person is a lot smarter and more careful than her letter sounds, she will be found out.

She will have to tell him she is incapable of having children.  When it is time to get the marriage license, the birth certificate might tell all.  And her fiance will be more upset and embarressed at that point, enough not to be willing to listen to any explaination from her.

Even if she did somehow pull it off, she would spend her entire married life worrying if something would come out and destroy them.

Sarah L.

[Steph]

I too agree with the advice provided by Abby.  We do not always know what's best, and if the other person truly loves her then honesty will serve to further strengthen the relationship.  Yep a marriage based on lies is not a marriage.  I don't really think that this is what they meant by "For better or worse"

Steph

[Brianna]

I disagree.

My past is my own business. When and if I tell someone is purely my own decision. I would imagine that I would tell someone I was planning to marry, but that is it.

I don't need the straights telling me if or when I should make this decison. And I certianly don't tell every man I kiss or go on a date with about this.

Bri

[Steph]

I disagree.

My past is my own business. When and if I tell someone is purely my own decision. I would imagine that I would tell someone I was planning to marry, but that is it.

I don't need the straights telling me if or when I should make this decison. And I certianly don't tell every man I kiss or go on a date with about this.

Bri

That's what the question was about - marriage.

Steph

[Brianna]

In that case, it would depend if liked the person or LIKE LIKED them. I mean, I wouldn't tell K-Fed.

Bri

[Cindi Jones]

There were men friends who I did not tell.  But I did tell the guy I married before we ever became intimate.  I didn't ever want the untold truth coming back to haunt me or to hurt him.  It set the foundation for our relationship in stone.  We hold absolutely nothing from each other.  He can tell me anything and I can reciprocate.  Up front honesty has been a blessing in our marraige.  We never argue.  We get along famously.  And I don't worry about him being away from me for extended periods.

In all cases, I let the individual make his/her own choices. But my opinion is that your spouse or life partner deserves to know. 

Cindi

[Steph]

There were men friends who I did not tell.  But I did tell the guy I married before we ever became intimate.  I didn't ever want the untold truth coming back to haunt me or to hurt him.  It set the foundation for our relationship in stone.  We hold absolutely nothing from each other.  He can tell me anything and I can reciprocate.  Up front honesty has been a blessing in our marraige.  We never argue.  We get along famously.  And I don't worry about him being away from me for extended periods.

In all cases, I let the individual make his/her own choices. But my opinion is that your spouse or life partner deserves to know. 

Cindi

Absolutely.

Steph