Went to the movies tonight! Learned something and thinking about going full-time

[Melody Maia]

Hey everyone,
So tonight I went out again. This time I went to see the movie Black Swan at the movie theater in Downtown Disney. The stupid little local theater wasn't showing it and even the Disney theater was only showing it at 2PM and 10PM. Since I was busy making my video blog, I missed the early showing, and I admit I was a bit worried and thought the late hour would mean fewer people and the cover of darkness might help, so I went to the 10PM show. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. The place was teeming with people and the whole area was well lit. Little kids, teenagers and adults everywhere. So I screwed my courage to the sticking-place and walked out into the night.

Happily, as happened to me last time, nobody seemed to be terribly interested in me and no one gave me a second glance. I was hyper aware of little children as they tend to be the least inhibited members of society. I have vitiligo and I have heard plenty of little kids ask their parents in a loud voice, "Daddy, why does that man have a white spot on his leg?" or something to that effect. Again, nothing, so I was gaining a bit of confidence.

Next came the teenagers. I have been avoiding the mall since I have heard it mentioned here that it can be tough to pass with teenage girls. Well, there was a whole bunch of them all about and teenage boys too, but nobody paid me any mind. So I bought my ticket, went into the very well lit lobby, gave my ticket to the ticket girl and said a few words to her and went to my theater passing adults and teenagers all the way without incident, whispers or giggles. Then I sat down and got lost in the movie. Afterwards, got up and left. No big deal. I did briefly think about using the ladies, but I decided to leave that challenge for next time. I also hope to go to the Disney Parks at some time in the near future. That place is lousy with teenagers (and tons of other people) and I figure if I can pass there, I can pass anywhere. It is my personal Mt. Everest of passing.

Now for the thing I learned. I sat in the car in the parking lot and it was quite late (around midnight). I had the car running and was reading Facebook and Susan's on my iPhone. There was a couple of cars nearby with some guys talking. One swung around and parked in nearer to me and the other left the lot. Two things occurred to me at that time. The first is that they could have hemmed me in fairly easily if they had wanted to and the second thing was that I was a female sitting alone in my car late at night. So after my slow to activate Spidey-Sense told me to just get out of there, that's what I did. I learned that I really need to be aware of my surroundings and remember that my male sense of safety and privilege no longer apply. Yet another lesson learned and I am glad I didn't have to learn it the hard way.

Finally, I have been encouraged with my outings so far and I realized that full-time is probably no longer a matter of "do I pass well enough," but of "am I personally ready for that challenge?" I really wasn't prepared for this to happen so fast for me. Yes, there are things I can improve, but the next few years I will be constantly changing and refining myself. In other words, nothing is holding me back except for me. If you want to see how I look, act and sound, check out my blog. I have posted a couple of videos and hope to have a little running journal of how things are progressing for me.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,91396.0.html

So, time to hit the hay. I will "talk" to all of you tomorrow.

[MarinaM]

What an incredible piece of insight. I too have noted that the "male" feeling of safety and privilege really should be checked at the door when I'm out, it's a dangerous kind of bravado that can get a girl into alot of trouble around groups of men in real world situations. As for being clocked around teen aged girls, I wouldn't worry about it. I can't tell how they're supposed to be anything but a nuisance or distraction (Don't I sound like I have a daughter? Though, she's nowhere near that age yet)

I'm happy for you! Your confidence and growth is inspirational.

[Cindy]

Melody,
First: Congratulations. Second: YOU IDIOT

You have to keep looking out for your self. Going to your car have your keys ready. Lock the door and drive to a safe place. Parking between cars with guys in them is not a safe place (sorry guys).  Keep to brightly lit areas. OK,  I and many girls have a torch in our bag to make sure we can see the front door key etc quickly. Never did any of this as a 'guy'. But woman are preyed on, and most women do not report sexual assaults. So they happen more frequently than you think.

Sorry for being an alarmist. After movie's I have asked couples if it was ok if I walked with them to the car park, in places it was obvious where we were going. It takes a second; Hi you guys going to the XX park? Do you mind if I walk with you? There is not a woman in the world who would say no. And when she says yes there is not a man in the world who has a choice .

Take Care: BTW you are looking really good, blue suits your skin tone so well, and your hair is to die for. Hugs

Cindy

[Colleen Ireland]

Finally, I have been encouraged with my outings so far and I realized that full-time is probably no longer a matter of "do I pass well enough," but of "am I personally ready for that challenge?" I really wasn't prepared for this to happen so fast for me. Yes, there are things I can improve, but the next few years I will be constantly changing and refining myself. In other words, nothing is holding me back except for me.

Oh, GAWD yes.  High fives, sister.  I find I am at or approaching that point also.  And I've heard it before from others, like "I'm amazed how quickly it's come around."  It always seems to sneak up on us, doesn't it?  As of next weekend, I will be Me everywhere except at work.  The management where I work has been informed of what is coming, and they are making preparations.  I could theoretically be full time TOTALLY by April.  Will I be ready?  I don't know.  But if I am, look out world!  And this, despite the fact that my first PUBLIC experience with dressing was last October.  My absolute first experience with dressing (at all, aside from teen experimentation) was last August.  So you never know how quickly you will be ready.  You just have to go when it's right for you.

And girl, it is TIME for you!  You look so natural.  It is hard, though, for the internal self-image to catch up sometimes, isn't it?

Edit:  And... yeah.  What Cindy said.

[Melody Maia]

Thanks ladies.

Now I wasn't a complete idiot. I did already have my keys out far before approaching the car and it was running, locked and with the headlights on once I got in. Unfortunately, no one else was going my way because the downtown Disney entertainment complex is huge with a vast parking lot. There was no way to tell who I was parking next to either, although the odds of it being families with kids was pretty high, it being Disney and all. They also have good security patrols there and cameras everwhere. However, I will take your advice to heart and remember my new place in life and the dangers inherent with that new status.

[valyn_faer]

my male sense of safety and privilege no longer apply.

Actually, men are statistically almost twice as likely to be victims of a violent crime than women are, and that's even when including rape as a form of violent crime. Men are three times more likely to be murdered than women are. 94% of all occupational deaths occur to men, and this is while there is one occupational health and safety inspector for every six fish and game inspectors. That mean's that men's safety is valued less than our nation's fish and game. Not to mention that watching physical injuring being inflicted on men is a form of entertainment in our society. Male safety? Yeah, right. Ironically, the fact that our society places a higher concern for the safety and well being of women over men even though women are statistically less likely to be victims of a violent crime is evidence of female privilege, not male privilege. I really wish people would do a little research and stop perpetuating myths.

[Melody Maia]

Actually, men are statistically almost twice as likely to be victims of a violent crime than women are, and that's even when including rape as a form of violent crime. Men are three times more likely to be murdered than women are. 94% of all occupational deaths occur to men, and this is while there is one occupational health and safety inspector for every six fish and game inspectors. That mean's that men's safety is valued less than our nation's fish and game. Not to mention that watching physical injuring being inflicted on men is a form of entertainment in our society. Male safety? Yeah, right. Ironically, the fact that our society places a higher concern for the safety and well being of women over men even though women are statistically less likely to be victims of a violent crime is evidence of female privilege, not male privilege. I really wish people would do a little research and stop perpetuating myths.

My male sense of safety before, as illusory as it may have been (although I would argue the slant in statistics is simply an artifact of many more men engaging in many more dangerous activities and occupations than women in general. In other words, they are far more prone to taking risks. Show me the statistics on that please) was based purely on the fact that I was stronger once and would simply draw less attention from men.

[Janet_Girl]

Awesome Melody.  You will find that most of the time people are to in their own little world to worry about you.  And that included the ladies room.

Once you accomplish that you will be ready for anything.  For safety, just be aware of your surrounding.

[xAndrewx]

Hey gals sorry for butting in. Just wanted to mention at places such as downtown Disney with many employees around and security guards if it's that late often times no one will mind walking someone to their car at night for safety reasons. Congrats on passing

[Melody Maia]

Hey gals sorry for butting in. Just wanted to mention at places such as downtown Disney with many employees around and security guards if it's that late often times no one will mind walking someone to their car at night for safety reasons. Congrats on passing

Great tip! Thanks Andrew!

[Melody Maia]

Awesome Melody.  You will find that most of the time people are to in their own little world to worry about you.  And that included the ladies room.

Once you accomplish that you will be ready for anything.  For safety, just be aware of your surrounding.

Thanks. Going to a restaurant tonight as me with a local friend from high school and his family. From what I understand, it is an area of Orlando that is "alternative." But first, I will be going shopping for some shoes, pants and some T-shirts. The conversion to full-time is beginning!

I will let everyone know how it goes.

[Debra]

Yay good job =) The first steps are having the courage to get out there =)

[Robert Scott]

Congrats on the courage to be yourself!  Sounds like your making strides! 

On the flip side...as I am getting called sir and him more often I find myself feeling more comfortable being alone at night or in the "dark alley" per se ..it feels empowering to me to loose some of the brainwashing I have had

[Stephanie.Izann]

See Melody you have so much to be proud of! So many incredible things are happening to you as you transition.  Although I am not fulltime I must say I envy those that are. I cannot wait for that day to come. So for now I will live vicariously through YOU.
IN regards to safety.  I've been in Martial Arts for 30 plus years! I still have what it takes to knock the crap out of anyone and it doesn't bother me to "blow my cover".  Think WONDER WOMAN or SUPERGIRL.  Granted, the smart thing to do is to get out of there and NEVER risk your life. But I suggest (and it's ONLY a suggestion) you begin to take some kind of Defense classes. I even joke with my spouse that if I needed to I would use my MALE voice to scare them and catch them off guard.  Either way, I will always protect my family before myself. Do you carry any sprays Maze and what nots to protect yourself? If not look into them. You will be surprised at how much that would help. Also look into having a call mate. Meaning, if you are going out alone . Let someone know when and where you are going to be and check in with them from time-to-time.  If jerks see you chatting on the phone it will help (sometimes) to deter them from attacking you.  They now know that GPS is available on most phones and that your signal can be traced if need be. 
Whew, I didn't mean to start a Self De fence novel here. But I have a sensitive spot for the protection of our sisters since my spouse was gagged, bound, and held hostage 2 years ago at the store she worked at. If it wasn't for some of the things I taught her she might not be with us. Then about a year ago, some idiot tried to assault her and he didn't see me behind her (around 6 feet behind or so) and he started to spit at her and I ended up popping him with a left hook and got him arrested. The ass had AIDS and he was trying to spit on her as well. He is now in jail serving for assault with a deadly weapon and serving over 25 years!
Ok. Done.

[Melody Maia]

Wow, lots of good info in there Stephanie. I need to get a purse so I can carry some mace around!

[MarinaM]

My male sense of safety before, as illusory as it may have been (although I would argue the slant in statistics is simply an artifact of many more men engaging in many more dangerous activities and occupations than women in general. In other words, they are far more prone to taking risks. Show me the statistics on that please) was based purely on the fact that I was stronger once and would simply draw less attention from men.

Exactly where I was coming from.

[valyn_faer]

You're confusing the cause and the effect. Because men's safety and well being are valued less in our culture, there is less social discouragement from engaging in risky behavior and more social encouragement for engaging in risky behavior. Women are largely discouraged from engaging in risky behavior because their safety and well being is valued more. As far as the jobs go, most women aren't willing to work the more dangerous jobs because, again, their safety and well being is valued more. Plus, why work those jobs when they can just dump them onto men? Some feminist scholars will try to argue that women don't work those types of jobs because men won't hire them for those jobs, but there is no evidence that most women would ever even be willing to work those jobs, and there's no evidence that many women even apply for those jobs. As much as the men who are hiring for those types of jobs may be concerned about the safety and well being of the few woman who actually apply, I'm sure they're even more concerned about being sued for gender discrimination, especially considering how litigious our society has become.

That being said, if you're one of the lucky few of us who is 100% passable and there's zero chance of being picked out as trans, then people will see you as a woman and not a transwoman, and the likelihood that you'll be a victim of a violent crime will drop significantly--with slight variation depending on where you live, of course. If, however, you're like many of us and can't pass 100%, then, yes, you should be careful because, while there are no concrete statics about the trans community because the exact number of us is unknown, there is still an indication that we're more likely to be victims of a violent crime than even men.

[Melody Maia]

This posits a world where the difference in risk taking behavior has at it's root only in social conditioning and I don't think that is the case. As transwomen we make an interesting control group for this aspect. Women raised as men. The stated uncomfortableness many of us have with assuming traditional male roles, even when not consciously aware of our true nature at first, would seem to argue there is more at play here. Could be that there are real evolutionary and biological reasons why men take more risks and women fewer.

In any case, if this is something you would like to discuss with others, you might want to make your own thread on the subject instead of confining yourself to just me on mine.

[Melody Maia]

Good stuff Perlita.

[AbbyJ]

I don't like walking on campus (at my university) or around town at night. I've always thought that either I pass and they'll try something with me as a woman, or I'll not pass and they'll attack me for being queer. Because of this I always go with a friend, have my phone out, and try to walk in lit areas. a weapon or pepper spray can also be useful, but beware of others using them against you. Having lived through one sexual assault, I don't want to chance another.