Just wanted to post to celebrate the first time I have gone out in public as myself. The first couple of times I went out dressed, I didn't have makeup on and it was to see my therapist. Minimal public contact. Tonight though I did the whole nine-yards and went to my trans center. Of course they are very understanding there, but they received me so warmly and told me how pretty I looked. It was awesome and gave me a real confidence boost! One of the ladies told me "about time!" As a joke, I mentioned that I was tired of being mistaken as an FTM so I decided to dress up and a bunch of them laughed and admitted that was exactly what they thought I was when they first met me. I laughed too and said I took it as a compliment!
Afterwards, we went out to eat, which marked my first true foray into a public space as Melody. It went great and I started to feel so comfortable. I could really be me fully and I just felt myself slipping into a more feminine mode of being than I had ever inhabited before. Kinda hard to describe, but it felt so natural and good.
Funny thing was I took so long to get ready, I ended up running really late (typical woman!) On the way to the meeting I was kinda stressed and feeling uncomfortable. I started to wonder if I was feeling uncomfortable because this was not really me. Was I making a mistake? Really, I was just way over-analyzing stuff, but I think it is good to have these self-checks sometimes. I was actually uncomfortable because I was annoyed at myself for taking too long and everything seemed to be bothering me from that point on. It is a very bad habit of mine to try and squeeze way too many things in before a meeting or appointment and end up being late. Gotta work on that. However, after awhile I relaxed and things started to flow and come easier. By the time I was driving back, it felt like this is what I was meant to be.
If you can't tell, I am still on the high from the night! I can start to see my brighter future now.
