What do I do???

[Tina2]

What do I do, I am middle aged and it seems like I will never be able to do anything about my situation.
I want to do something but I cant do anything,  if I want to start HRT I cant because I need a therapist and if there are any where I live I cant find them, even if I did I dont think I can afford it, I saw some prices on line and they seem to be around $100 + per hr.  Wow that is alot, how many hrs do you need to see them?
and then if I did get a therapist and HRT I dont think I could do it for long because I am not in a position where I can transition or even start to,.

This is something I have hid from everyone for ever, how can I come out to my family and tell them or even other people who know me, I have never told anyone and it is very hard for me to even imagine I could, it seems easer to just go somewhere where nobody knows me and start over.

Then I dont think I could ever pass because of that the terrible T has done to me, also I am not one for surgerys so I dont think I could do all the facial feminazation sugerys, even if I could afford them and I cant.

It all seems so far away that I will never be able to reach it, and if I can , by the time I do I will be too old.  it sometimes becomes so ovewelming that I cry or get depressed, I sigh sadly too many times a day, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest when I think about that should have been sometimes it feels like I am going to explode.
And I think about this every day as most do, how do you stop thinking about it, I wish I could forget about it but I cant, I wish there was a pill you could take and presto your a girl inside and out, like it should have been.
I am sorry for going on and on but I have nobody to talk to, well thanks for listining at least, time for a good cry.

Tina

[CaitJ]

Work hard, save money, wait until you can afford a therapist, HRT and to transition 
People have transitioned much, much later than 40 years old.
You'll do fine.

[Tina2]

Hi Vexing, thanks for the encouragement.  How much give or take do you think the average transition will cost, with therapy and everything except the SRS.  How long do you need to see a therapist?
How to you get the courage to tell your family and friends, I know some people that would say grow some balls and just do it, well funny thing is I got some, I dont want them but I got em and they dont help in the courage department. 

Tina

[juliemac]

It takes a great pair to start on this road, thats for sure.
My transition was 20 years ago so prices have cahnaged. But.
What is the cost of NOT transitioning?

I would never tell any one just to jump into it. Its a seperate deal for all of us. Family, friends, career and more variables that have to be totaled up in this cost.

Good luck! (Back to lurk mode)

[spacial]

Tina.

I'm in a similar position to you. Some of the obsticales are different, but just as insurmountable.

Sometimes, we just need to find other ways to manage the problems we have.

[betty]

I'm not sure if this is a viable solution, but maybe it would be easier to change where you live.

For example it is a lot easier to find help transitioning in Vancouver BC Canada, this is one of the main reason I moved to Vancouver, to start my transition. I also chose to live in the Westend(gay area of downtown, hell we even have pink bus shelters), I guess what I'm trying to say is go where you can make life work for you. I'm also a long way away from my disaproving parents, so I do not have to hear their constant B******* and complaining.

Just remember that once you are on HRT you will feel so much better, it is almost as if the weight has been lifted of your shoulders. Trust me it is worth the wait.

[japple]

Tina,

It sounds like you don't have a lot to lose.

You might never pass but you've years to before worrying about that, take baby steps, you've got to do something.  Without worrying about money you can:

-Come out, tell people how you feel. Find people to talk to. Freud thought that just talking about problems was a huge help.
-Dress in a more androgynous way.  Do things that make you feel feminine or good if you can. 
-Get healthy. Eat like a healthy woman.
-Work hard to keep your mind from obsessing.  When I start feeling extra sad I get to work. I painted my living room two weeks ago. I started remodeling the basement. I run errands...a lot. Getting off the Internet and getting out of your own head is huge.  Take a second job. Exhaust yourself.
-If you want to present as female, work on your voice.
-Put in some dance tapes, become a better dancer.

Those things aren't going to solve your problem but it might put you in a better place to start from.

[KillBelle]

You can always buy the clothes, get dressed up in private and have a great time? The great thing about the internet nowadays is that you can remain completely private about your life, you can always order some things off ebay and have it shipped to you. I think that it will be much healthier to be able to express yourself in some way, it is a gift that you owe to yourself. It takes a lot of courage to transition, but it starts with first being able to not let your fears get you down. Positive emotions and feelings will take you a long way, if you spend too much time focusing on the negative it will only draw negative energy towards you.
Taking that first leap is a milestone within itself, everything else is a small step in comparison.