A lot has been happening in my life and just need to share it with people who understand.
I came out to my wife earlier this year and even though she knew before we were married about some of my gender issues it's still been a lot to accept. She loves me but not everything I'm doing. I've taken my transition slowly because I respect her and value our 18 years of marriage, we've been through a lot. I hope that we can make it through this too!
I've been on hormones for almost three months and had two laser treatments already. My beard shadow is almost gone and having hated it as much as I do I never occurred to me that my wife might have liked it and is missing it. I'm glad it's almost gone and she's still getting used to it and grieving it.
So much has happened in the last month. My wife was the only person I had come out to but I had to have a medical procedure and needed to tell the doctor about all of my medications. They wanted to know what I was taking estrogen for but when I told them I wasn't a big deal to them. I also felt that I should let my general physician know that I am on hormones. I have another doctor monitoring them. My GP hasn't dealt with it much but told me that he would support me in any way that he could!
My wife and I had a long talk about my transition. I've taken things slow, waiting to for laser to do it's thing and letting her get used to the whole idea and the changes she's seeing in me. I've never been out of the house as my female self and it was something she was a little freaked out about. I've been unsure of how far this transition will go and have been taking one step at a time. We decided, mostly her, that I needed to get out and do things as a female with other people to see how it felt. So we went to the local transgender support group together. I was my second time and her first. It went really well! They're having an event the middle of next month and she decided that we should go. She's been helping me with make up and we're trying to figure out what to wear.
On Christmas Eve we had dinner with a wonderful lesbian couple that are friends of my wife and she had told them about me being transgendered. We had a great time and I had my first experience talking to someone other than my wife about being transgendered. They were very supportive wonderful people.
Tonight we had dinner with them again. Even though I'm in guy mode all the time I'm starting to not care what people think and not self-censoring my mannerisms and speech so that it's not feminine. I had a great time at dinner! It kind of felt like a girls night out. Normally I'm a reserved, quiet, shy person and tonight I felt friendly, social and outgoing. I felt like I didn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not.
After dinner we went to a resale shop and look for clothes for me. Normally I'm terrified to shop for women's clothes as a guy but tonight I didn't care. I bought four dresses and a blouse. It was so much fun! I've never had fun shopping for clothes before.
Afterwards, they stopped by our house and insisted that I try on the clothes I bought. Only my wife has even seen me in drag before. I tried on a couple of things and we figured out at least outfit that will work. One of them commented that I will make a cute girl. I still feel like a guy in a dress but I know that comment was sincere. After they left my wife said the she now sees that I will be a pretty women. She then asked me if it bothered me or if was just being myself when I was modeling those clothes. I said that it didn't feel awkward at all and I was just being myself. She said that she could see that it was my true self coming out.
I broke down and cried. I have never before had support from others to be true self, usually quite the opposite, and I still can't see the women in the mirror much less a pretty one, but they can.
It makes me sad to see my wife struggle so hard with this transition. No matter what happens to our relationship in the future I am deeply grateful that she is in my life and is willing to work so hard to make this relationship work. She is a wonderful person.
