My Lonely Life

[honeybe150463]

I was very greatful for the assistance I received when I wrote regarding a situation with my son and as I found that a source of comfort I decided to place my own feelings here and hope to gain some insight and support.
First my partner 'Rachel' is or was when I met them, a cross dresser and only the odd time did he dress. Then as things became comfortable it became more. I made the decision to move to NZ from the UK in the hope that a new life would make things different. All I have achieved is a very lonely life as my partner has now decided to start hormones and wants to be dressed all the time. He/She has made many friends going out and also on the different sites.
When I left the UK I left behind my family and now I have no one here that I can talk to. I feel isolated and angry with my partner as he/she has found what they want in life and I feel left on the shelve and with the children, I have remained in the relationship and of course we were best friends and I even used to assist with shopping and dressing.
I know that 'Rachel' has not gone into this lightly, but I am not sure where I want to be, at times I feel like I need to go home and be with family and at other times I don't. I think its because I have no one to talk to and that I feel angry and jealous at Rachel for finding friends and being able to go out and have fun.
I may be going on a bit here, but its great to have an outlet and Iam not sure if anyone has a S/O group that they attend because I would love to go as I sure that Iam not alone with these feelings and most of you have been there at some stage, although at this moment I do feel as Iam.
Many thanks for listening 

[LordKAT]

Hi,

Out of curiosity, could you visit home for a month maybe so you can see and talk to your family and maybe not feel quite so isolated? Can you go with Rachel out in the world and make friends that way?

It is a scary and long road to go through alone for you or her. I'm glad you came here and hope you will find us able to comfort you is some way. I don't know NZ at all but I can understand the feeling of being stuck in nowhere land.

I'm sorry I 'm not much help but I do have ears (eyes) so feel free to type away.

[spacial]

Hi honey

Emigration is somthing many, perhaps most do to start again. It is not so common in the US of course.

Now if you don't mind, I have some observations made from a number of people who have emigrated.

You go to, whereever and start again. But you both do, as do your kids. One of the things that invariably happens is we each hope to get what we think we are missing. Here, in your case, it was a husband. In your husband's case, it was the opportunity to be female.

Now a second problem comes with people who leave behind a close knit family. There were many who left Ulster, for example, yet returned. For many, the option of Ulster, during the Troubles and Australia, would seem to be kinda onesided. The same thing happend with people from E Europe, including the Balkins!

But returning is a whole new game really. It's starting again, from scratch.

I'm just wondering if, you can perhaps, rethink the reasons why you went to NZ in the first place. Perhaps look for opportunities there.

As for your husband, that is a different matter. You haven't given enough information about the problems you are having.

But, whatever you do, I suggest you think it through, very carefully. You might return only to realise that, you did so, not because you can't get on with NZ, but because you can't keep up with the direction your husband is going in.

[envie]

Dear  honeybe150463,

I am sorry you feel so lonely!
I've changed countries several times and know how it feels to be starting from scratch.
there are few questions that might be important to answer so people can get better Idea of your situation and try to help.
Why can't Rachel's friends be also your friends?
If someone would come over to do babysitting you and RAchel could perhaps go out together.
Would you want to go out together with Rachel or to go to places that Rachel likes to go to?
Does RAchel want you to go out with her?
If you don't have anyone to take care of the children would Rachel stay home with the kids so you could go out sometimes too.
What about your hobbies? Could you look for groups or organizations of your interests nearby? That is at least how I met people where ever I landed.
What about therapy and marriage counseling? There really seems to be an imbalance between Rachel and you.
I wish you good luck!

[Cindy]

Dear honeybe

My sympathy and support in anyway I can. I emigrated solo to Australia when I was 23. It was tough. I realise I was alone and in control of my destination. Rachel sounds as if she has taken an opportunity to 'grow' expecting you to support her. I think you need to have a long talk about support being a two way street, as it sounds as if she is not supporting you.  I realise that you may not to be involved with her friends but again that needs to be thought through, why not? If she is mixing with other TG people do they have SO's?  The other thing is to join clubs and follow your interests. What I do know was I went back to the UK a year after emigrating, It felt so alien that I was glad I left.

There are a number of NZ girls on Susan's and I presume boys as well. The girls that I know are honest, fun loving and can be blunt but that is the nature of us folk down under. Aussies and NZ's are the best of friends and the fiercest rivals but I have found them to be open hearted especially to new people. We are sort of used to being alone and having to find friends.

Feel free to pm at any time. As Lord Kat said the gang is always willing to listen and talk.

Hugs
Cindy (Adelaide.  South Australia)

[honeybe150463]

Hi Guys
Thanks for your support, I feel like Iam not alone with my feelings.
I understand what Rachel is going through and I do wish I could go out with her and meet her friends, but I do not think she understands that Iam not ready to partake in that side of her. I had a husband and a father and now I have lost that and not sure if I want to get used to it.
I have thought of going back to the UK with my son, but feel that I would be running from a good home I have made for my son, but again I do not wish to remain lonely.
I really do not know if I want to be a partner of a TG as there are things I need in my life.
As you read this you may think Iam confused and don't know what to do and yes your right, Iam torn as my husband was my friend and then lover and now Iam not sure what I want it to be.
He/She is away in the states for 4 weeks at the moment, so I have time to think about my life and where I really want to be.
If I can't decide, then maybe the best thing to do is move away and build a new life just as Rachel is doing.