info for my little one

[mumof4]

good morning all my lovely friends

I am looking for a book/leaflet I can read to my pre school child to prepare them for his brother being his sister.

I am sure he will accept it ok but i just want to prepare him.

Does anyone have any advice etc as i would be really grateful

Love to you all

Karen xxxx

P.S. Im in the uk

[Nicky]

Well

My kids are pre-school aged. Really they have been very accepting. My Becky was 3 when I told her.

For me I told her the basics -  I am a girl, and sometimes girls have penises (this seems to be a really defining thing for my girl at that age i.e. it is black and white for her). That is all I said. And that was all she needed to know. Then I let her leed conversations as she sorted it out in her head. Sometimes she did not quite believe it as she knew girls did not have penises, but I just stated that was how it was and she was ok with that.

My advice, don't make a big deal of it, just say it as a fact. You could add that they still love them and will always be their big sister. Just be open to their questions. You might say they have been pretending to be a boy, which is true. Also I have said sometimes girls look like boys when they are born, but they are really girls inside.

Make a point of calling their new sister by there name and refering to her as she. I think if you make it a normal thing, then the kid will quickly adapt to the new situation. They don't have the same prejiduce most people have.

Good luck!

Oh also be aware that kids talk. I told my daughter I was getting my penis removed. She was worried it would hurt and told everyone that walked in the door at her creche!! "nicky is getting her penis chopped off" lol.

[Ruby]

Hi Karen,
I used to be a bookseller, so your question interested me. I know there is not much, if anything out there for someone in exactly your situation. There is, however, a relatively new children's book called 10,000 Dresses by Marcus Ewert (Amazon has it) that is about a transgender child. It shows the basic dilemma which is addressed with humor and compassion. Your library may carry it, or should! It might serve to introduce the concept of gender variance and hence be an introduction to your explanation.

I also suggest that you try contacting someone at PFLAG. Do you know about Pflag? Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians (and now trans as well). There may be, as you would hope, a pamphlet or something. Another group is also a group in the US specific to helping trans kids that may also have ideas. I can't remember their name right now. But I could research it if you think you'd like to contact them too.

Like Nicky says, young ones are generally accepting, that is, if you are, which, blessedly, you are.
Hugs and best wishes to you.
Ruby

[mumof4]

thank you so much for the info

i cant believe how wonderful and helpful everyone on here is

love you all

karen xxx

[Jacquelyn]

Hey Karen,

As Nicky said, younger children tend to be a lot more resilient than we give them credit for. I have an Aunt who is gay that I, and my younger sisters have always been close to. She has always had a partner that she lived with, and was always active in our lives. I remember my younger sister Eileen questioning why Mum Mum and Joy Joy shared a bedroom and a bed when she was 7 or 8. My stepmom explained to her that Mum Mum and Joy Joy were married like my parents and Eileen just said, "Okay", shrugged her shoulders and moved on.

They tend to be more accepting to change, albeit the loss of a parent when transition on change leads to them leaving the home can be distressing, and less apt to make a big deal of it. Along with what Nicky said as well just get him used to using the new pronouns and name.

I don't know of any books that you may be able to use to get the point across, but I wish you luck!


Hugs,

Jacquelyn

[mumof4]

im sure im seeing problems that are not going to be there but he adores his brother and they are close even though he doesnt see lots of him and i just want to make it as easy and trouble free as possible for both of them...

hugs

karen xx

[spacial]

Personally, in your position, I would start by explaing to the younger one about the importance of self expression. How he chooses to express himself. That his brother needs to do the same.

It's really great that they have such a close bond. There are few things a mother can give their children that are more valuable.

[mumof4]

it really is so sweet...he always wants to talk on the phone to her...
i have started chatting about various subjects while having cuddles and stories
its just so difficult because i dont want to confuse him with too much information

xxx