'Enough about me.....what do YOU think about me?'

[Ms Bev]

This Bette Midler quote comes to mind lately, after talking so much about me, and how TS affects me.........I notice an almost imperceptible change in my wife's expression that most other people on the planet would miss.

Hmmm.........ya know........maybe, just maybe, I've been a bit self-centered.  I've spent hours on endless hours talking about what is at the top of my importance list at this particular time of my life.  And my wife......my soul mate, ever-faithful, loving, life partner, has listened, understood, embraced, sung my praises, patiently, lovingly.

And now, I wonder........just how long should I expect her to allow me this self-indulgence?  To be perfectly honest, I think I would begin to get tired of framing my life around this one single aspect of my partner's life.  There are so many other parts of our lives that we have always shared, equally.

It's time to get on with life together.  We're over the hurdle....didn't even skin our knees on the landing.  We've decided to arrange this discussion like other discussions.  Some subjects can take over our lives, if we allow them to.  Some subjects, such as finance, money, etc., are relegated to a certain time of day, so that we may enjoy the rest of life.  I works for us.........

So.......enough about me......what do YOU think about me?

[Jillieann Rose]

Very preceptive. You do have a sensitive heart. Your wife is very lucky to have a mate like you. Enjoy your new discoveries together and be the best partner you can be for her by alway loving her and putting her first.
Bev this is a very refreshing posting.
Thank you,
Jillieann

[Sheila]

Bev, I did that for years and what it got me was a mental break down. Now, for you it may be different, we are all very different in the way we handle things. I also thought I was self centered when I thought about me as a person for so many years, when I had children to raise and home mortgage to be paid and what would the neighbors think. I took deep breaths and kept on and told myself this is just something that happens and you need to get over it. You have a wife and kids to support. Well, it hit me one day that I have been supporting a lot of people in my life and no one ever asked me what I wanted in life. I have been a main support for emotional, physical and monetary support for different people in my life since the age of 8 that I thought when do I get some support. I have always had to give in and take charge of everything, even in my job. My core existence was not getting met and that was I have always thought of myself as female, but not the rest of the world. I became mean, I became drinker of way too much alcohal and I became very controlling. It wasn't me as that was why I broke down. At age 48, I took pills to get out of that rut. I was pronounced depressed and they gave me more pills. It wasn't until I finally said to myself that it is my turn to love myself and if anyone really loves me they would understand and we can work through this problem. I accepted myself for who I am and when that happened it felt like a load of bricks fell off my shoulders. I felt so relieved and comfortable with myself. I started on hormones later. The one person who I feel real bad for is my wife. She didn't hire on for this, but she stayed with me through it all and she has said that it is better than it was before and that she truely likes me better, even without the sex.
  Like I said above, everyone is different. Just watch out for more signs and talk to your wife about all of this and when you start feeling in the dumps about things. Don't keep it in let it out. It is very admirable to think of others before yourself, but sometimes you just have to think about yourself and don't feel it is selfish.
Sheila

[Ms Bev]

I have always had to give in and take charge of everything.........The one person who I feel real bad for is my wife. She didn't hire on for this, but she stayed with me through it all and she has said that it is better than it was before and that she truely likes me better, even without the sex....... Like I said above, everyone is different. sometimes you just have to think about yourself and don't feel it is selfish.
Sheila

I'd like to mention a few things in passing, Sheila.  The basic meaning of this subject was really to say that I am spending way too much time talking about me, instead of being me, who, incidentally, is the same person my wife has always known.  Granted, she was semi-floored to learn I am more than a little bit  female in mind, but now in body as well.  But all along in our marriage, it has been the sensitive female side that she has so valued, and I was always open and honest in sharing that side of myself.  Agreed, she didn't hire on for this, and yes I have the primary responsibility for our obligations.  I did sign on for that, and so, it remains the case.  As far as our sex life....as I've mentioned elsewhere, it has never been better!  And again, don't go looking in the Sexuality Forum.....our joy is private 

[Steph]

Hello Bev.

We do tend to be a little self centered, after all it's all about "Us" isn't it, it's "our" new life, "our" situation, "our" problem etc.  I've been guilty of this myself.  We get caught up in "us" and everything else is secondary,including family and friends.  I remember one terrible day when I got mad because our daughter was coming to visit (before I came out) and I had to revert to guy mode, how selfish is that.

Like it or not hon you're married so there is no room to be self centered as if you continue to be that way you may find that you are making this journey as a single person.  This issue can take over your lives and realistically it should be at the forefront it's good that you both are talking about this as it shows commitment.

There is a saying in the British army that "Communication is the queen of battle".  So remember communicate, communicate, communicate.

What do I think of you... well you know something...  what I think of you is not important.  The important issue is what do you think of you, and it would seem you are a good person married to an equally good person.  Treasure her.

Steph