Social Anxiety

[Morrigan]

I tend to have the need to wear a mask whenever I talk to someone I don't know, but it's usually painfully obvious to me that everyone else is doing it to me as well, a serious feeling of "fitting in" emanates from them. Getting outside can help my feeling of lethargy a lot. I'll walk alone and won't engage in conversation unless I have to, I don't see getting outside as a social event, as I don't plan on meeting people at all, and spend most of that time thinking and daydreaming as I walk.

[tatiana]

A little update... I took a general sweeping look at my entire situation.
1. I identified things that would give me more confidence & acted on it
2. Bought a book on cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) : http://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
3. Started reading the book & got a therapist

One thing I really like about the book is that it outlines the negative thoughts that usually go through our head and debunks them in the first chapter. Also, knowing that I have support & direction of a therapist helps.

Confidence Building:
Lately, I have been feeling happier. My viewpoints on things are slowly changing. To also better facilitate being "social"... I started cutting out less mainstream activities or culture I absorb to increase the things that I have in common with everyone else. Essentially, I'm telling myself to accept culture & society as is that I'm living in and work with it instead of fighting it.

As for my body image, I am learning to accept it for what it is. Learning to take a different perspective on things and overall, trying my best to think positively. I'm trying very hard to stop procrastinating with my social life and skills. Polishing it up. Stopping to smell the roses. The HRT meds have removed the fog of frustration on my part and it's helping me resolve the social issues. Reading many posts that re-confirmed that transitioning, HRT, or SRS does not change the fundamental problems in your life, I agreed mostly to this. SRS would not make me more of a sociable person. I'd have to work hard to be sociable to be sociable, rather than looking to unrealistic things to make a change.

I've had much difficulty with dealing with wearing a sports bra as it made me nervous because people can see the shape of it when I wear fitted clothes sometimes. I switched over to Spanx for Men to hide my breast development. It's been a total confidence booster as I know I'm wearing a guy's piece of clothing and it looks just like a wife-beater undershirt kinda thing. I feel more normal these days. More relaxed as a result.

Go with the flow:
I've also realized that in social situations, it's always good to say yes to offers by other people. Go out there and put effort into your conversations. Don't wait for people to make plans with you. Make the plans and go out on that Friday & Saturday instead of staying home. Relax and let things flow - might it be the conversation or whatever. Try not to control everything if you're a control freak like me. It's the people around you and the interplay of interaction that affect the conversations.

Regan & spacial, thanks for giving much food for thought. You guys helped me think more clearly about my situation. Thank you.

[tekla]

it's always good to say yes to offers by other people

True that, 'good fortune' in life often has a lot to do with being in the right place at the right time taking to the right people.  In other words, massive blind luck.  But you have to be there for that luck to happen.

"I know someone you should talk to" (or conversely, "I know someone who should talk to you") is frequently the beginning a very productive string of events.

And take in all the culture and cultures, it's all good.  That's all you have to say, 'it's all good' and like Bruce Springsteen said: Just stand back and let it all be.  Have to, you - as one person - are not going to be able to do much to either promote or demote any given culture, so you can either join in, or not.  That's about it.  And hey, when in Rome...

Once you free yourself of the need to judge, critique, police or pontificate on any given culture, or group, or society, or association or whatever you can just be in it without being of it.  And hell, you can do all that stuff later anyway, you just don't have to do it in real time.

[Tamaki]

Tatiana those are awesome changes! I'm really impressed with your positive attitude about your situation.

Keep at it and don't let yourself become discouraged, everyone has little bumps or setbacks. Just remember to pick yourself up and keep going when they occur.

Good work!

[tatiana]

Tatiana those are awesome changes! I'm really impressed with your positive attitude about your situation.

Keep at it and don't let yourself become discouraged, everyone has little bumps or setbacks. Just remember to pick yourself up and keep going when they occur.

Good work!

Thanks for your positive words Tamaki! =D