hello everyone...

[Calisti]

Hi. My name is Calisti, and I'm sixteen years old. I've been looking for a place like this for a while now, and I hope I can stay here for a while...
My story is a strange one: I'm not really too sure what's going on inside me at the moment, but I know that, right now, I am a girl trapped in a boy's body and I am scared witless. I'm not the 'traditional' transsexual: I wasn't bullied at school because I was feminine or known something was wrong from an early age, although I did love to play with my dolls and preferred to read and make up stories rather then go outside and rough-house: I still do. I only started to realise something was wrong when I hit puberty, when I was about twelve years old, and since then everything's slowly been getting worse. Every day is like a nightmare: my body is wrong, and I feel physically sick every time I look in the mirror. I've tried to talk to my family about it, but they insist on waiting until I'm eighteen before they do anything about it. A few of my friends have found out, and two of them are trying to help, but the rest have blasted me. I'm really, really scared, and I just want someone to talk to. I don't know what I should do: i just want to be me!

[Joseph]

Hi Calisti,

  Welcome to Susan's.  There are great resources here, including a lot of people who offer great advice and a listening ear.  No need to be shy around us. 

All the best,
Joseph

[chunk]

This is a great place to be Calisti. Hang around here and soak up the vibe and info.

I'm sure you'll figure something out that works for you.

Chunk

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello Calisti,
Thank you for posting an introduction.
Realing your stroy is not strange. I too remember only a happy early childhood. Wasnearing school age when my parents started teaching me what behaviors were acceptable for  a boy and what wasn't. I was compliant so began years of controling and hidding myreal self. But unlike you I closed off most of my feelings and became like a zombie (a living dead person.)
Are you sure your parents have shut the door for a couple of years on this issue?  Do trying talking to them again and shaing how you feel.
Would your parents consent to you getting a theropist perferably a gender theropist? That is a frist step fro most of us here. Are you able to dress fenimine? That has helped many of us feel better at least for alwhile.
Even if you can't do these things you can still learn about and began planing a future transition.  You are young and a couple of year sound like eternity but it isn't.
I'm glad you found the site.
If your look for friends and or information about gender issues this is the place.
Please read the site rules if you haven't at:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html if you haven't already.
Then check out the Wiki, with ton of info on the gender topics. Oh and check out our chat and links section too. Have a great read.
Welcome to Susan's. Oh and don't be shy you are amount friends.
Jillieann

[Elizabeth uk]

Calisti, I think it's really marvellous to read your story and realise that somebody else has gone through the pain that I've been through.

In my mind, accepting myself and deciding that I am not a freak but a person was very significant in feeling some inner peace.

I hope we can use this forum to understand more about our own problems.

[Calisti]

Thank you so much everyone! I feel much more at home now: it makes a difference to be in a place where I can talk openly about who I am. It really means the world to me.  Thank you...

[Suzy]

Calisti,

Welcome to the Susan's family!  This is a safe place to talk and to share.  You are among friends.

Peace,
Kristi

[HelenW]

Welcome, Calisti!

I can identify with your fear and I'm quite a bit older.  Getting through our fears (there's so much to fear sometimes) is a major portion of what transition is all about, if you ask me.

But there are ways of getting through it just the same.  We all seem to figure it out sooner or later.  I'm sure it'll be sooner for you.

I hope I'll be reading more from you in the future, Calisti!

again, WELCOME ! ! 
helen