I have thought all day how to respond to your question, Shelly. Like Riven, I've never discussed the broader issues with my children. I, too, think each child and each family is different.
My first wife had many problems with me. I only heard years later, when the children of that marriage told the second wife that the first wife told them she could not respect a man who carried a purse (me), and warned my son to be careful not to follow in my footsteps. I remember discussions with the kids about why daddy's hair is longer than mommy's. Fortunately, I, my wife, and my ex-wife all have close and loving relationships with each child and their families. Their relations with their step-father are less close, but that is a different story. As far as I can tell, none of my children has gender issues.
As my youngest daughter (the child of my second marriage) went through her teen years, she found some of my actions problematic. She would be outraged when I skipped and at some of my clothing choices--my red shoes, for example. My attitude has been that I listened to her objections, and tried not to bait her, but I did not give her a veto. On the other hand, for instance, she does not want me around when she tries on bras, and I respect her wishes.
On of the happiest moments of my life came as she was about to graduate high school. She gave a party for the "other mothers", who had helped her along her way, including me as the only male-bodied honoree. Now she's a Junior, on the Dean's list, at a university four-hours drive from home, and we are still a close family. She and her mother tease me about being weird, she knows about my ADHD (but doesn't want to discuss that either), and we still don't talk about gender.
Be well and happy,
S
