No friends

[brookes1992]

Hey everyone
I have been wanting to post something for ages, i think my social anxiety has been even stopping me speaking to you guys online.
I was just wondering whether anyone is in the same position as me. Here's my story

So i have never really had any friends, i have social anxiety to thank for that( my S.A is unrelated to my gender issues). Since quitting university after only a week, i have a part time job at my local primary school, which is only for an hour a day, the rest of the time im at home. I don't have anyone to talk to, and like i said at the start i find it hard to even post on here, i really want to have friends. Does anyone have any advice, or is anyone in a similar position.

Thanks 🙂

[Adabelle]

I've found a great way to make friends is to get out of the house and try activities with others. Like join a community choir, or take a photography class, or volunteer somewhere. Or find an activity group on a site like meetup.com or craigslist.org

It's always awkward the first one or two times I go, but pretty soon I end up getting used to people and can strike up a conversation. I've made some good friends that way.

The thing about wanting friends is that you have to do something about it, put yourself out there. It's hard, but it's worth the effort.

[Ashleyjadeism]

I haven't been diagnosed with Social Anxiety disorder, but it's lumped in with my OCD...

I'm in a similar situation in that I stick to my home like glue and hardly ever leave... The only time I go out anywhere is when we have to go to the store or school. I do have friends though...

Use your shyness and social awkwardness to your advantage to make friends... Because I keep to myself and hardly ever talk to people, it seems to have the reverse effect of driving people away and rather draws them in lol

There is also medication for social anxiety... I'm on some for ocd but it also treats the social stuff.

And dont worry about people on here... They're REALLY helpful...

[spacial]

I don't have any friends, other than those here and other online sites.

But I realised, many years ago, that the problem isn't social anxiety is stopping me making friends. I'm not the social type and trying to be makes me anxious.

Perhaps, like me, you're putting the cart before the horse.

Once I was able to accept that, I can speak to pretty much anyone I choose. I have no interest in close relationships, other than one. And that, like all good love, came when I stopped looking.

Just my own thoughts.

[Tamaki]

I only ever had one friend at any time and tried to avoid people as best I could.

I wish I had some great advice for you but I don't. Just keep posting and trying to make a connection with people, Medications are worth looking at.

Glad you're here!

[Pinkfluff]

Yeah I'm in a pretty similar situation. I know a few people, but they all live across the country and that doesn't really make for much of a relationship. I live in a pretty small town too, so trying to find things online that happen near by hasn't worked. I do worry a little about how I'd be treated by other people too.

[JessicaH]

First, you have to analyze what makes someone want to be friends with someone and take a hard look at yourself to see if you are sabotaging your goal.  People like others that show a genuine interest in them. Its good to seek others that have similar interests. Ask questions about them and listen to them. Make it all about them unless they ask you something then get them to talk about themselves some more.

Be a good friend. Be respectful,  be on time,be thoughtful but DON'T be a doormat and let someone use you or they wont resect you. Use google and search how to make friends. BTW, it helps a lot to get out and interact with people!

[NightWing]

Don't worry, I have a similar problem.  I tend to have panic attacks and such whenever I had to go out alone or do something.  It's better now that I've accepted myself as a man (so I'm guessing mine comes from transgender issues)  but I still can't hold a job or talk to people really.  Over time, I feel more alone and by myself and I push others away easier.  It might be directly related to depression, but I'm not currently seeing anyone about that. 

It's easier to post on forums.  You just gotta lurk around, think before you post, then soon you'll fit in.  I'm still sometimes shy to post here on Susans, but it'll go away.   That's just what you gotta do.  I sadly have no advice for irl. 

[melissa42013]

Well I'm not a therapist but I'd suggest  you keep posting. You made it this far. Post until you feel comfortable. Email people. Update facebook. Keep it all offline and safe. Until you are ready.

I used to be afraid of public speaking. In college I was foced for years to make public presentations. It was do or drop out. I did and now I could speak to a crowd of any size about any subject. Except coming out.... Not yet (grin) but some day I will.

Just hang in there. This too shall pass.

-M

[Pinkfluff]

I used to be afraid of public speaking. In college I was foced for years to make public presentations.

Yeah I went through the same thing. I used to hate having to give presentations but by this point I've done so many that I don't mind it. I never really worried about what other people thought when I used to have class and work, but that's not the same as when you actually want to form friendships with people. I still chalk alot of it up to my surroundings though. I think I'd have better luck if I lived in a big city which would have a more diverse population, at least that's the theory. Areas like that seem to have more things going on too.

[Gadgett]

I think you're finding there are a lot of people who have the same issue as you. Some of the responses have some good suggestions that I would suggest myself. the biggest one being to keep posting till your comfortable, reply to people, make friends start to build a social side to you. Then figure out something that interests you and start getting involved in that.

For example I like to run so I look into running groups. Over all don't beat yourself up over having this issue. it's only gonna make you feel worse about yourself when in actuality it's becoming more and more common. My hubby has the same issue so I encourage him to step out with me in the hopes he'll make some friends that way and start building some confidence in himself. Good luck and please keep us posted on your progress we all all pulling for ya.

-Gadg

[Nilisa]

I've got no friends, either - Well, no friends offline, anyway - and it is hard, and I do sympathise with you.

Just a few days ago I found it hard to post here because it's such a big, busy community compared to the ones I'm used to, but you'll find a topic to post in and people will reply to you, and that'll be it. I'm like it on many forums, as are a lot of others, I'm sure. I found that once I could revert back to my 'main' name (i.e. Lairiana) and get my avatar, I was set as I got my 'identity' back.

As has been said above, just keep posting, browse topics that interest you and be yourself 🙂