Emotional Availability and being on T?

[helios502]

Hi--my partner is transitioning, ftm, and has been on T for about three weeks. Recently s/he has been emotionally unavailable, distant, if not downright clueless in ways that seem very uncharacteristic (we have been together for 13 years). I am freaking out because I am worried this is related to the T, and if this is a window into our future, I am not sure I can handle it. S/he doesn't seem to care about me at all, on an intimate and emotional level, and when I try to talk about it, s/he thinks I am nuts and everything is 'fine.' It sounds like such a cliche about what women say about men that I can't even believe I am writing this down. Does this ring true for anyone out there? Thanks, Helios

[Robert Scott]

He is going through puberty again .... remember how out of it you were when you went through puberty.  Hormones are all over the place.  Plus he is trying to learn to live his life as a male.  I read somewhere that right after starting hormones a person is at their highest risk for suicide.  There is a lot going on and it's hard to get a grasp on things.

Another suggestion I would make is if he is on hormones --- start always using male hormones and his male name.

This is all antidotal information I am giving since I personally have not started T

[helios502]

Thanks, Rob. It is useful to be reminded of all this and I appreciate your post. I get worried that this is the future (catastrophic thinking!) and so being on this site helps me to stay in the present and be as supportive as I can be, which is pretty good most of the time. It's just recently--ugh. I am feeling so invisible, so abandoned--it is very hard at times. It's one thing to be the mother of a pubescent boy, but to married to one at age 49? It is NOT easy, and talking doesn't help; she just feels criticized and attacked, which is not surprising. So I try and keep my mouth shut most of the time. BTW, my partner still prefers that I call her 'her', which doesn't really seem right to me either, especially since she is 'he' at the clinic and other locations. I suspect this will change soon, but am following 'her' lead on this, since of course it's not my decision. I am more than happy to switch over when s/he is ready. To complicate matters, she is 'mommy' to our 4 year old.