Having sex and lubrication

[Thriss]

Hi!

This question might be a bit explicit so I'm sorry if I violate any rules... I tried searching the forums for answers but failed.

My questions is about having sex and preparing for it. If I know what is about to happen and if I have the option I'd dilate a bit before having sex. Not so much for the dilation itself perhaps but to get some lubrication up deep so that I won't have to mess about with that during the act itself. This however takes some preparation by fetching the dilator, getting lube, inserting it a few times to make sure I get lube everywhere inside and so on. While I was dating someone who knew about my past this was good enough. He knew what I was up to when I went to the bathroom a few minutes or if I said 'not now, I don't have my equipment' but now that I'm single and dating guys who doesn't know about my past this is a bit of a problem. Sometimes the situation arouses early in the morning or sometimes when you didn't expect it. You know, spontaneous and with no time to plan and prepare for more than a minute by saying 'just going to powder my nose, be just a sec'.
I can deal with walking around with some lube in my handbag but I don't particularly fancy walking around with a huge dilator at all times just in case I'd need it. This means I sometimes turned down sex even though I really want to have it.

So, what is your solution to taking care of the self-lube problem in the most discrete way? Is there some kind of smart way to get lube up deep with some sort of... I dunno, pump? That I haven't thought of? How do you guys do it? I once read, no idea if it's true, that some Thai-girls pump up baby-oil in some way... Just something fast and effective would be nice!

Just for some background about me: I'm a few years post-op and have had a decent sex-life other than the self-lube problem. I'm also living in stealth and suggesting me to be open about my past isn't on the menu until I have seriously deep feelings.

Thanks in advance and I hope I didn't break any rules in the forum

[Nigella]

Hiya,

A vaginal applicator in your handbag. Really small and light. I used one to get lube up before dilating. I would do the job in seconds in the bath room. Hope that helps.

http://www.firstchoicepharmacy.co.uk/Ortho-Plastic-Vaginal-Applicator-1279.html

Stardust

[rejennyrated]

Some of us get lucky and find that after a period of adjustment we become self lubricating to a sufficient extent to be viable... However assuming that you are not so lucky, the easy thing would be either to use a long term vaginal lubricant like Replens or to obtain one of the syringes which are used to apply spermicidal foam. Then use this to squirt a lubricant inside.

As most men do not want an unwanted pregnancy if you tell them that it is a precautionary spermicide they will accept it at face value.

[spacial]

Some ggirls don't have very much natural lubricant anyway.

If the opportunity arises, just tell the truth, you need lube. I should think most guys will enjoy it.

[CaitJ]

Sufficient foreplay with your partner's fingers in your vagina and some lubrication on them should do the trick; simply explain that you're naturally a little dry (as are many cis women) and that sex feels better when this is done first.
If a sex partner reneges on foreplay, then they're not worth your time 

[Thriss]

...  the easy thing would be either to use a long term vaginal lubricant like Replens or to obtain one of the syringes which are used to apply spermicidal foam. Then use this to squirt a lubricant inside.

Sorry I haven't replied earlier but I wanted to wait a few days and then I kind of forgot to log in
Thanks for the replies all, I went on a little mission and found that the above post was extremely helpful. First I thought I'd find myself one of those applicators but my god, it was impossible to find them in my country. Replens seems to work some serious magic though, totally worth the money!

Thank you for that, you improved my sexlife a lot

[Northern Jane]

I guess I was lucky in that I had plenty of natural lubrication and spontaneous sex wasn't a problem in my earlier years. After decades (ageing) and particularly if I am tired, dehydrated, or if foreplay doesn't do it, I just comment "I am not wet enough." and it is amazing how quickly and eagerly a partner will seek to rectify that situation 

[Sarah B]

I do not lubricate, I know it's annoying but that is the way things are.  However definitely this:

I just comment "I am not wet enough." and it is amazing how quickly and eagerly a partner will seek to rectify that situation 

This is of course for those who don't know, for those that do, they are eager to get me wet.

Kind regards
Sarah B

[ToriJo]

I can't help with the dilator question.

I can't imagine most guys having any problem with some lube being used.  Heck, KY sells a "his" and "hers" combination set, clearly targeted at heterosexual couples (and, I suspect, mostly couples where both partners are cis-).  And most guys have no idea what the normal variation of lubrication in women is (and there are plenty of cis-women who use lube).  You can apply plenty of lube to the guy (he'll enjoy the attention!) which might help things go slicker (sorry, couldn't help the pun).  It's unfortunate that education systems don't adequately teach the amount of variation in "normal" sexual activity and bodies (there is no "normal", among other things).

One suggestion is to experiment if you go this route.  There's two main kinds of lube - oil based and water based.  The water based ones clean up a lot easier, but last a lot less time (they seem to get absorbed into the skin fairly quickly).  There's also lubes that have additives that can irritate (I'd suggest caution with anything that "warms" or "increases sensation" unless you know it's compatible with both you and your partner's most sensitive parts!).  Don't make a big deal about it other than using it as part of foreplay, and he'll be fine with it and not think anything of it.

Of course as others have pointed out, there's plenty of other ways to accomplish things.