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I hate coming out.

Started by Devyn, February 02, 2011, 06:42:47 PM

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Devyn

I always feel like the person likes me a lot less because I'm not who they thought I was.

I don't like it when people discover that I'm not what they want from me. I hate disappointing people that I want to like me.

I like it when people like me, but I always feel guilty when I talk to them and I have to make stuff up. Then, when they actually get to know me, they don't like me as much or something. I'm terrified of being myself around people.

And that includes being FTM. I hate telling people. I feel like the person I tell likes me a lot less and will treat me different, even if they don't.

Coming out sucks.

I think it affects me more than anybody else.

This occurred when my therapist is totally supportive of me and she was telling me that she liked my haircut and that I look more male. (I don't know why it bothered me. After all, she was all smiley and we were talking about my future and stuff - though we tend to get off topic and I try talking about my depression and suicidalness but it always reverts back to my gender stuff which bothers me but that's honestly the core of my depression.)
I just don't like change, honestly. Haha. But I hate it even more when people start treating me differently after I come out.
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JesseA

I live in a small (think a thousand people) town in rural Georgia. Everyone knows everyone. When I went home for Christmas break I had two options: to either out myself to the entire town and face those consequences, or face the much more internal hurt of being confused for my brother. I was so ashamed of the fact that I had to start a sentence saying "actually ma'am, you know me but you never knew me" that most of the time I just played along that I was Sam. It was a very disconcerting experience and I will have to face it again for 3 months this summer. I think I'm just going to out myself this time. And deal with the internal battle of being forced to out ones self. "Out". As if we are a dangerous poison that must be identified and treated accordingly.
"They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things."
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BloodLeopard

I can understand that. I am basically out to the whole furry community.
Some people actually want to talk to me more now, feeling that I'm not some cisguy and I understand the female better... but the guys? The ones I kinda wanna hang out with?

They don't seem to want to hang out with me. Maybe it's the whole gay male thing, but I dunno. It makes me sad, and I really wish I didn't have this whole issue either. And it's always such a aslkfsafklhaslf thing to feel.
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wheat thins are delicious

I do hate coming out but it's cool when other folks help.  Earlier a girl who used to work at my job came in.  I was on my way to lunch and a few employees were hanging around.  I didn't see her at first.  She tried to get my attention but she called me my birthname (I only came out 4 months ago, after she was long gone so she didn't know) The employees that were hanging around were all like "andy. andrew.  that's andy"  correcting her.  She had this confused look and I walked up and just did it, it was less stressful than when I usually have to come out to someone who thinks I'm female. 


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Chris968

I have felt that way for a long time.  A big reason why I have chosen to live as stealth is because I don't want people to see me as the "transguy" but just as a regular guy.  I moved to a new city right after I started T so I got to start fresh, and only a few of my friends know.  I do however do trans-101 lectures at colleges, which is always fun to see people's reactions when I come out lol.  However I do have a major issue coming out to people I actually know/am friends with.  I was just thinking about it during one of my grad classes the other night when my professor was talking about trans people and I had so much to say on the topic but didn't want to out myself.
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