Letter from my mom, 6 years ago.

[Caith]

In situations like this one (I am *SO* sorry you're having to endure this.) I prefer to share a beautiful concept from the Jewish faith:

Gay or straight; man or woman; black or white; rich or poor — all are created in God's image — in Hebrew, b'tzelem elohim.  Being created b'tzelem elohim carries with it both responsibilities and privileges.  As God's children, descended from ultimate royalty, we need to conduct ourselves with highest standards of interpersonal morality, kindness and compassion for others.  Towards others, also bearing God's image, we are required to act in a way that reflects the dignity befitting another child of God, our spiritual sister or brother.  Being a religious person means that we must recognize, and act upon, the Godliness in ourselves, and in each other.

[Elijah3291]

Obviously she had your whole life planned out for you.  Good for you for being your own person instead of her puppet.

I agree completely.

It seems she loved who she thought, and wanted you to be.  I'm really sorry.

[GinaDouglas]

It sounds like your Mom is a Christian.  Here is the argument to use with Christians.

This is from John 6:40, Jesus at the last supper:

And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.

Jesus says the same thing in about 8 other places.  The only thing you need do is believe in him.

In Matthew 7:1 Jesus says,
Judge not lest ye be judged.

If you believe in Jesus, it is not for any other Christian to judge you.  That judgment is for the Lord to make.  Any Christian who takes it upon herself to judge another Christian breaks the First Commandment by putting their own judgment before God's.

[Debra]

*hugs* girl.

I have similar issues and have received similar letters from my mom

[Adabelle]

It's really sad to me that in so many religious circles christianity ≠ "Christ" or anything He was about.

[~RoadToTrista~]

I'm sorry. I imagine how my own mom is going to react, it's really sickening.

[wendy]

I attend with my wife a Christian bible study group each week with about 20 people.  All the people are very nice.  One lady is TS and I met her at the group, another person is a close friend of mind and is TG and I would fit TG.  That would make 15% of the group TG.  Everyone seems to accept everyone.  None of the TG folks in the group are wall flowers.

Maybe attitudes will change in the general population in the near future.

[Apricot]

The whole 'disown' concept is a load, you know. You disown your car, or a house, or a dog. One does not just 'disown' their child. Your child is your child forever whether you like it or not. Anyone who can't see that is too immature to take care of another human being. I hope you find someone who knows how to love you.

[Rachel Bellefountaine]

Oh, what hypocrisy! 

*hugs*
I'm sorry you had to go through that, hun. No parent should ever disown their child, even if they don't agree with what they are doing. When I hear stories like this it makes me sick to my stomach. Hopefully your mother will come to her senses eventually, but in the meantime realize that you are not alone and that things will get better. From reading your posts I can tell that you are on the right track in getting the proper supports in place, and I wish you lots of luck.

[Iceprincess]

Well people, I've got some more fuel to add to the fire pit:

My dad called me this afternoon and we had a long talk about many topics, one of them being my transition. He said that he NEVER took away his financial support towards me and my mom and that he's pissed about what happened, but not at me, at my mom for lying to the two of us and putting fake words on his mouth.

Point is, I think this is a very good chance for me to convince him of the following:

a) Transition is THE best for me, it's somewhat reversible and I won't regret it (this is what worries him the most and the reason why he doesn't wants to support me financially to transition)
b) Request asylum at his house.

So, what do you people think?

[Sarah B]

Hi Iceprincess

If you went and lived with your dad, it is possible that your mum would create more problems for you.  However, living and working for your dad while going to university would be one great advantage while you transitioned.

In terms of regret if you decided to have surgery and regret it, you must accept that it is your responsibility and yours alone and accept any consequences of that decision.  If you told your father this, I think it would help him understand that you are prepared for that eventuality.

If you paid for the surgery and other associated costs yourself then nobody can blame themselves for helping you in that way.  Which is probably why your dad does not want to help you in this way.

Go and request asylum at his house, I believe the alternatives would not be as good.  One other thing keep talking to your dad, because he is a very kind and understanding person.

Kindest regards
Sarah B

[Iceprincess]

Wait a second... How exactly could she create problems for me? I'm interested on knowing more about this...

Once I move out, I'd change my mobile phone number so she wouldn't be able to contact me, and if she tries to disturb me, my dad or my stepbrothers, we're not gonna stay there with our arms crossed...

[Sarah B]

Hi Iceprincess

I said:

If you went and lived with your dad, it is possible that your mum would create more problems for you. 

I said this because, your mum has been causing you nothing but trouble and might continue to do so.  However, as you mentioned in your above post, changing your number and getting your Dad and step brothers to help you, I think your mum will not hassle you in that case.

Sorry if I confused you.

Kind regards
Sarah B

[Iceprincess]

It's ok, thanks for clearing that up :]

[hilah.hayley]

Hi IcePrincess,

I know this topic is very old, i've only just read it myself. I'm not sure how things have progressed with your mother but perhaps, and I don't know if this has been suggested yet, if you have the first letter she gave you, give it back to her with that last part circled about how she lives for you and the in the good, bad and "worst" scenarios. Ask her where her meaning in those words went when she wrote you that second letter.  Ask her where her love went when life through a curveball for her child!

Just what I would want to say if  I had those letters.

I hopes things are going a bit better since this post.

[I_am_Toni_Lynn]

I too just read this thread and it touched my heart so deeply and resonated with me, for reason that I won't publicly speak of at this time. My prayer and heart go out to you IcePrincess, for I too have seen a mother's love turn to hate.

I ask you to forgive me for the times I've mistreated you with offenses and beatings and always remember that it's me who has been more hurt by it because I love you so much and I don't want anything to hurt you.

She wrote these words 6 years ago, and I suppose all I can say is, take them to heart, and forgive her, even if she chooses not to accept it, and move on.

May your path be filled with love

Huggles

Toni-Lynn