I Wanna Break something! ELSE!

[Tammy Hope]

So, she's off her meds again (literally - there's a correlation between the rages and when she misses her cymbalta for a few days) and one of "those" conversations escalated into a fight, as i knew it would.

I've learned to be ready to leave the house for a while to let her get past the rage and it so happened that it heated up today after we got back from the store so I was fully dressed. i decided to stay dressed instead of getting into the pj's i usually wear at home and SHE decided (in the midst of the fight) the "tits" needed to come out.

So the next thing I know I'm defending myself as she's trying to rip the shirt off to get to my bra (and instead of conceding the point I try to fend her off. In the course of restraining her, i very neatly popped off one of my tips - along with the WHOLE DAMNED FINGERNAIL IT WAS GLUED TOO!!!!

My GOD it makes me so MAD. I'm looking at what, 4-6 months til it grows back? And a whole heck of a lot of inconvenience in the mean time.

I know what you are going to say - get out.

if it were only so simple...

[Just Kate]

I have a sibling with border personality disorder.  Her rages are extreme, but it is difficult to give up on her because it isn't HER doing it, but her disorder.  She is normally incredibly awesome to be around.

I don't know that this relates to your experience and I'm sorry for what you are going through.  I only hope you can find a solution.

[Tammy Hope]

I have a sibling with border personality disorder.  Her rages are extreme, but it is difficult to give up on her because it isn't HER doing it, but her disorder.  She is normally incredibly awesome to be around.

I don't know that this relates to your experience and I'm sorry for what you are going through.  I only hope you can find a solution.

oh it's exactly the same thing - which is why i try so hard. The rages are 180 degrees opposite the usual personality.

(albeit both the gentle personality and the rage personality are adamantly opposed to homosexuality - which she thinks this is a variant of)

[Nigella]

So sorry to hear this, Its hard to live with someone that you love and yet abusive at times. My ex dragged me out of bed a few times or just ripped the sheets off and started to hit me. I realised the marriage had broken down and I was in another room so even though I'm not defending the actions I can empathise with the way they must have felt. I couldn't do anything else but transition. I left with nothing apart from a few things and now we are friends.

I hope you can work things out and the most important thing is to keep the communication going even when its tough.

Stardust

[Tammy Hope]

that's kind of the thing. I'm not under any real illusion that it won't end, i had just hope it would end on a respectful basis rather than in all out war...

[spacial]

Tammy.

With due respect, I'm really more concerned about your wife being off her medications.

Can you have a talk to her Dr about this. With some medications, it's possible for her to receive depot injections, say, one a week or fortnight.

[Tamaki]

After I saw your post I wanted to reply but wasn't sure what to say and it took me a couple of days to form a response.

First, I'm so sorry you're in that situation, it's a tough place to be. I was in something similar but there wasn't the physical violence.

Like Spacial says making sure that she stays on her meds is critical. If BPD is like other disorders staying on meds is a real challenge.

It may be the disorder causing her problems but she is still responsible for her actions. My rule was always if she is working toward taking care of herself I was more willing to put up with crap. If she wasn't I had to set some limits. It sounds easy when I say it like that but it was really hard to do and can be done. It is possible for her to take care of herself when this happens so she doesn't hurt you.

Please, please, make sure you take care of yourself first! Dealing with someone who has issues like this is difficult at best and can quickly become overwhelming if you don't take care of yourself. It can be that was even if you do take care of yourself.

Just know that people are thinking about you and worrying about you.

Take care.

[Tammy Hope]

Tammy.

With due respect, I'm really more concerned about your wife being off her medications.

Can you have a talk to her Dr about this. With some medications, it's possible for her to receive depot injections, say, one a week or fortnight.

She takes Cymbalta (which is effective when she takes it consistently) but we get it through a drug assistance program and options are limited. I'm unaware of any alternative forms of delivery.

[spacial]

I understand the difficulities.

But if you can get her back onto it, you should tell her that withdrawal can lead to some nasty symptoms. These include irritability, insomnia, anxiety and headache.

If she already knows this, or you do, remind her.

But I will strongly suggest to you that you need to try to remain calm. The behaviour will be made worse if those around her seem to be threatening.

I am so sorry that you both need to deal with this. But she absolutely must take the medications regularly. She must do so of her own accord. If you stand over her that will simply cause more anxiety and resistance.

Tammy. I want you to understand, I would never make light of your situation. But it can be stabilised if you can work together.