Hey, so this might be a little long, it's pretty much just a rant
My birthday is coming up soon, but I don't have a single friend to celebrate with, nor will I be receiving anything from my family, as they see they have already given me my birthday presents (read: put a roof over my head and paid for my bus passes) and it's gotten me a little down. I'm not feeling that opressive missery that I used to, for whatever reason that's gone now and I can only think that it's a good thing, however, in it's place is an unsettling feeling of...well I'm not really sure how to put it. Nothing, perhaps?
At times I'm aware that I feel a little happier than normal, or that I've shifted a little closer to sad, but it's nothing drastic and the feeling is easy to shrug off. I'm cruising through life now, for better or for worse, and I'm not bothering anyone with any facts of my life like I used to.
And yet the other day I was walking through the mall to go to my job, just like any other day, and I was insulted. Loudly and plainly in the middle of a crowd of people. Two teenagers behind me jeered at me horribly, they called me a stupid lesbian, and a butch whore, and I was so in shock all I could do was keep walking and ignore them as they followed me the entire length of the building, the whole time insulting me.
I told myself that they were just threatened by my masculinity and felt the need to call me up on it to make themselves feel better, but it didn't help me to feel any better at all. The point is, I did nothing to deserve this kind of behaviour.
I've stopped being loud and proud, I'm shuffling through life with my head down and still I get treated like this? What have I done to anyone that could justify this kind of behaviour?
I'm still not hurting like I should be, I was a little shaken, now I'm just resigned to it.
Seems like no matter who I am, people will only see aspects of me that they want to, and nothing else. The fact that I don't like women, and never have, makes no difference. Still I go through life as the butch lesbian whore.
