I was born August 21, 1962 in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan. When I was born I didn't breath for over 5 minutes and almost died. Doctors told my parents because I didn't breath for so long I could be severely brain damaged, but to their amazement I lived and for the most part I am normal. Although my parents argue that to this day...lol...Shortly after I was born we move to a town called Pekin, Illinois where me and my one older sister were pretty much raised. My parents were both from Arkansas originally and they were raised old fashioned and taught to believe in God. Although in their time of raising they didn't attend church much because all their time was in the cotton fields making a living. They were and are loving parents and they instilled in me and my sister, Godly love and morals. We tried to make it to church when I was little but as we grew up church was not a part of our life.
In my younger years I was always beat on in school and made fun of because I was a slow learner and had emotional troubles. I now know it was due to Bi Polar Disorder that went undiagnosed until age 40. But the beatings and ridicule impacted my life deeply and caused me to be very insecure in my self and that in turn lowered my self esteem. As I grew into my teen years all I wanted was acceptance so I started hanging around the very people that were beating me and making fun of me. Needless to say I started doing what they were doing, so it wasn't long before I got in drugs, smoking, and drinking. I wasn't really a trouble maker but I was caught up in the partying lifestyle and began to rebell against my parents. They didn't know what to do with me. I was growing wild and failing in school. So they did the only thing they could.Pray. And it must have worked.
At age 18 I began searching for the Lord but it seemed like nothing really changed. I had asked Him into my life many times but I didn't understand the concept of faith. I am sure the Lord came into my life then but at the time I didn't know it or believe it. And soon I was back into the partying again. Things seemed to be going well for me though. I had a good paying job as a painter. Had just bought my first new car and was getting ready to move out on my own. I thought I had it made, but boy was I wrong. Things started going bad in 1986. The recession was just starting to hit. Dad had gotten laid of in March and I was about to get blindsided on my own job. But that wasn't all, the family was about to get hit hard emotionally.
In August of 86 we got a call from my mom's relatives in Ark and they had some bad news. One of my mom's sister's had found out she had lung cancer and it was in the late stages. Needless to say it upset all of us. She was mom's favorite sister's and was my favorite aunt. A few days after that call I found out things at work weren't good and they were talking major layoffs. Then in September the day came and with our paychecks many of us got lay off notices. All of a sudden I found myself in major debt and had to file bankruptcy and lost everything I had been building up. Basically over the next few weeks my whole world came tumbling down and I found myself in emotional distress as well. Then one night in late November we got another call from Arkansas. My aunt was in the hospital and she wasn't expected to make it through the night.
I remember that night very well. It was about midnight when we got the call and immediately we pooled our money together, packed our bags and began loading the car. It was a clear, crisp, cool night and all the stars were shining brightly. And as I was loading the car I looked up into the night sky to look at the stars, but one in particular caught my eye because it was shining brighter than all the others. A chill went over me and I knew I was looking at the North Star. Automatically I started thinking about the birth of our Lord and Savior. Well we got the car loaded and headed out about 1 in the morning. I was sitting in the back seat and it didn't seem to matter what direction we were going in, that star seemed to be following me and staying in my view. So for the whole trip down my mind constantly kept replaying the story of Christ birth. The stable, the manager, the animals, the wise men and kings following the Star, and the gifts they brought to the babe and Messiah.
We drove straight through and went directly to the hospital hoping my aunt was still alive and to our surprise she was. As we walked into the small country hospital we immediately heard someone breathing from somewhere in the hospital, and with each breath you didn't know if another would follow. I knew that was my aunt and didn't even stop at the nurse station to ask where she was. I just followed that sound of breathing down the hall. I got to the door and sure enough it was my aunt. I was unnerved to say the least. I had been around death before but never like this. Never had I heard such anguish and suffering in someones breathing. Mom and Dad finally caught up with me and slowly we opened the door and walked in. My aunt was awake and immediately recognized us. We all gave her a hug and then I went and just stood at the foot of her bed. I couldn't talk to her though, I simply didn't know what to say. She knew seeing her this way disturbed me but she never said anything either. But she would just look at me with eyes of compassion. I saw something in her that went much deeper than the pain she was feeling and I was curious as to what it was I was seeing.
She hung in there and fought for two weeks after we got there. And during those two weeks I saw so much in her that I did not understand or comprehend. For instance, she never once complained about her condition but seemed to accept it and at times almost seemed to embrace it. She wasn't afraid of dying and that totally bewildered me. I was asking myself what gives her such peace in this? If I were in her place I would have been terrified and angry too, but not her. I recall one night when her husband had a light heartache in the lobby and since the other bed in my aunt's room was empty the nurses took him in and laid him in the bed next to her and pulled the curtains about half way as to not upset my aunt. Now at this point my aunt had not been able to find the strength to sit up in bed by herself. My uncle had a history of heart problems so my aunt knew what was going on when they brought him into the room and to my amazement somewhere she found the strength to pull herself up to a sitting position and she pulled the curtain back to make sure he was ok. This blew me away! Where did she find the strength to do that and how can she show such love and concern when she is on her death bed? I wasn't sure what she but whatever it was I wanted it! After seeing he was resting she laid back dow and fell into acoma for about 2 days as I recall.
In the two days my aunt was in acoma I seen many of her fellow Christians coming into pray for and on the the last day she was alive I felt a need to go pray with her as well. I wasn't sure what to pray for so I just prayed like everyone else, fr Goid to heal her. After I prayed for her I turned and walked out of the room. But as I got halfway down the hall I heard a voice with authority say, "STOP!! That was a selfish prayer, go back and pray again!" I looked up and down the hall but no one was there and it dawned on me that I had just heard the voice of the Lord. So without hesitation I turned and went back in the room. My cousins were all there and they kind of gave me a funny look, but I paid them no heed. I was a man on a mission. I walked over beside my aunts bed, picked her hand up and held, and said these words: Lord, if you are going to heal my aunt then heal her and if you are going to take her home then take her. But one way or the other end her suffering now. I ask for your will to be done not only in her life but in mine as well. In your name I pray, Amen." Then I walked out of the room and went home with a cousin of mine to spend the night. We hadn't much more than got home when someone came knocking on the door, I looked at him and his and said, "it's your sister coming to tell she is gone." And sure enough it was.
We went back to the hospital immediately to be with the family that had gathered there and I wanted to go back and see my aunt one last time before the visitation and funeral so another cousin went back with me. When we went into the room her children were still there so I just went to the place I had been going along, the foot of her bed and just looked at her. But as I was looking at her all of a sudden in the twinkling of an eye I saw Jesus laying on that bed and not my aunt. I looked at my cousins but noone else seemed to notice it. Then I realized what the Lord was showing me. He was showing me He was the strength, the love, the courage I had seen in my aunt. After awhile me and the cousin that went with me (Marilyn) walked out of the room and headed back to the lobby. About halfway down the hall she grabbed my arm and stopped walking. Then she turned to face and said: "Rob, I don't know what the Lord is doing in your life but I know He is doing something because you are lite up with His glory." Then she said, "Always remember to walk by faith and not by sight because He will never lead you astray." It made me feel good that someone noticed God was doing something in me but to be honest I had no clue what it was that He was doing. I only knew He was stirring within me.
Then the night of my aunt's visitation me and another cousin stepped outside the funeral home to have a cigarette and he too was a christian. As we were talking he stopped in mid sentence and looked at me. Then he said:"Rob, you are light up like a Christmas tree and I can see by your countenance God is doing a major work in you. If you never remember anything remember this, always go by faith. He will never leave you or forsake you." Needless to say I was floored because it was almost word for word what Marilyn had told me. I was puzzled by this and asking God exactly what He was doing in my life and why it was so important to hear those words twice. I got an answer but not one I was expecting. And the answer I got blew me away.
The next day, Dec 10th, 1986 was my aunts funeral and it was emotionally very hard for me. I tried to hold my composure because I was a pallbearer. But I couldn't because God was breaking me at that time. One thing I was able to do was share a poem God had laid on my heart years earlier which was called HE IS:
He is the Father,
supreme and divine.
He is here and there,
and not just mine.
He is the Son,
so full of love.
He is so beautiful,
and pure as a dove.
He is the Spirit,
that light so bright.
He is the comforter,
in our darkest night.
He is the Almighty,
standing so tall.
He is always there,
so we'll never fall.
After the funeral we all gathered back at my uncles for fellowship and dinner. After we ate my aunt's mother in law called me to her side. I went over and knelt at the side of the rocking chair and she looked me square in the eye and said: "Rob the glory of the Lord is all over you and I know He is becoming a reality in your life. He has many things in store for you but the most important thing I could ever tell you is to always trust and go by faith. He will lead you and guide each step you take." My mouth hit the floor, for the third time I had heard these words. That night we went back up the hill to my grandma's house where we had been staying and were planning on leaving the next morning. Now this is way back off the beaten path about 5 miles down an old dirt road so it was quiet and with no lights to interfere you can see every star in night sky. We pulled into her drive and parked and I told mom and dad I need some time. So I walked out to where the barns and old gray wooden sheds were and came to stop in front of what I would later find out was called the ole sheep shed and began to weep uncontrollably and started crying out and wailing before God. All of a sudden I felt a hand on top of my head pushing me gently yet forcefully to my knees. I didn't have to look around this time to see who was there, I knew it was the hand of God. And there on my knees with tears streaming down my face I asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart and life. After praying I praised Him for a long time. And when I finally opened my eyes I was looking straight above me and what was the first thing I saw? The North Star directly above me. Again I began to cry and slowly looked into the ole sheep shed and in a vision from heaven I saw the animals, and the kings, and the wisemen, Mary and Joesph, and there in the manager the babe who was, is, and always shall be called the Messiah. At that moment I knew I had my own encounter with Christ and I had been born again. The reality of what I had been through had changed my life.
I am here to tell you Jesus Christ is a reality and He is waiting for you to come to your senses and accept Him as Lord and Savior of your life. All you have to do is knell to your knees and cry out to Him to come into your heart and life. It's that simple, God so loved the world that He gave His only Son to die for us so that we might live the glorious life He desires us to live. If all that isn't enough to convince as we were leaving the next morning just before dawn I was looking out the front windshield and just above the tree line was the North Star once again. I knew my life would never be the same again. And neither will yours once you accept Him into your life.....God Bless You and I hope God will use my testimony to become a reality in your life.
