I'm learning...

[Happylilbabygirl]

I posted this in the Significant Others section but maybe it would be better suited here? I guess my boyfriend is what is called ->-bleeped-<- although I really don't like that word.

A few months ago, I found some women's panties under my boyfriend's side of the bed. At first, he made up a lie about them belonging to a relative that he moved some clothes for, were left in his car, and must have been in with his stuff. Even before then, I thought that they were his because I'd seen what looked like pink silky panties on him one time. I wanted him to tell me himself so I didn't tell him what I thought. He lied for awhile but I kept telling him that I didn't believe him. He finally broke down and asked "What do you want to hear... that I stole them from xx so that I could wear them?" I said yes and he was quite shocked.

Since then, he has become a little more comfortable and doesn't try to hide it so much anymore. I don't mind that he wears women's under clothing. He still gets embarrassed and says that he's going to throw it all away. Usually, I tell him not to because he likes it and there is nothing wrong with it. It's not something that turns me on but it doesn't turn me off. I get turned on when HE gets turned on whether it's due to silky panties or not. The one thing that I do have a problem with is that I've noticed a lot of my panties, pantyhose, slips, and other silky clothing are missing or ruined. Whenever I find something else missing, I get upset because they were mine. I didn't have many sexy/silky articles but what I did have, I liked. Anytime I mention this to him, he says that he's going to throw all of his panties away and never wear them again. I don't have a problem with him wearing them, I have a problem with him taking mine.

I guess I also have a few questions or concerns about this that I'd like answered. How can I make him more comfortable and able to open up to me more. He's getting better about the panties but not about other things, such as shaving his legs, enjoying anal penetration, and wearing other articles besides panties. I want him to be 100% comfortable with me. I believe that it's important for people to let themselves shine and not conform to mainstream.  I guess I also worry that if he gets too comfortable that he'll realize (or tell me) that he's either gay or that he really wants to be a woman. While I'm okay with people who are gay, transgendered, transsexual, etc, I'm afraid of what that would mean for our relationship. I'll deal with it when and if it comes but it is a concern that I have now.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[spacial]

Really hope the responses given by Ercose and Rob will help.

Looking forward to hearing how you get on.

[eshaver]

This sounds like so many stories I have heard in my life concerning Crossdressers in the closet . I dunno, seems like society says it's fine for women to do what ever they please . Men on the other hand are bound by restraints that to me should have never been there in the first place . You're partner needs to come clean , at least to you . I think for the relationship, having a fully dressed and  "Happy " crossdresser will enlighten you both in some special times ! ellen

[Padma]

I guess I also worry that if he gets too comfortable that he'll realize (or tell me) that he's either gay or that he really wants to be a woman.

I undertand that fear, but at the same time that's kind of saying "I want him to be himself - so long as it's on my terms." The majority of male cross-dressers self-identify as heterosexual, and are not gender-dysphoric. So perhaps he just like to wear women's clothes. But you have to accept the possibility that he realises he is not het and/or not just a man, and that's not him getting "too comfortable", that's him being himself - and if that happens, you'll both have to cross that emotional bridge with each other.

So I think you need to let him be who he is, but also allow yourself to be who you are - which right now is someone who's afraid, amongst other things. If you talk about this together, both of you need to be able to be yourselves.

[rejennyrated]

Ok this isn't 100% - there are some exceptions...

but...

In the main ->-bleeped-<-s are a completely different group from transsexuals. There are some people who move between the two groups as their self knowledge develops but really the motivation is quite different and people moving between one group and the other is considerably less common than you might think.

The fact that you talk mainly about underwear - and also about your boyfriend getting aroused makes me suspect that you are reasonably safe. In the main Transsexuals do not generally report much of an erotic element to their presentation as female.

For the record the clothes never mattered for me. Even today I have been known to quite happily wear what some would say was male attire. That is because the outer layer, the "window dressing" was never what motivated me. I wanted the body within to be altered and once it was I was just quietly content.

I do have a sex life, and sexuality, just like any woman, but that was not what originally motivated my change.

So my guess is you are worrying needlessly.