Well there it goes -- no longer am I a lurker. I've been rss'ing different forums here for the last month and then I've been reading this place on and off for at least a decade. I'll pose a question later in the m2f forum but here are the particulars.
I'm m2f and 42.
I have had real feelings of me being different since I was 4 or 5, although I am also an only child -- which comes with its own set of weirdnesses. All my best friends were girls -- I had no problem playing with dolls or a Tonka truck -- whatever -- much of the play was make believe. I was an emotionally sensitive kid too. To avoid getting beat up I progressively integrated with my born-sex crowd and towed the line right up into my mid-thirties.
At the end of my 3rd relationship I kind of made the decision my role in a man/woman relationship was regrettably not for me. I never shared this part of myself with any of them either which bothers me in immense ways -- I regularly preach to my friends and the people that work with me to be genuine, yet every other part of my "being genuine" life is really just farcical since this secret is so much at the core center of who I am. Still, I don't beat myself up for building this wall around me -- I did what I had to do at the time -- thing is I'm no longer willing to continue living this way.
I'm not telling people yet, but I'll tell more about that with a question in the m2f section. At any rate . . . HI!!
