*Are you happy?*Ahhh.... these three little innocuous words currently lurking within the 'Post operative life' section....
I guess they would in essence have to relate to what you have done 'surgically', rather than personally and with perhaps your career and love-life too?
Big QUESTIONS Lucaluca....lol
Am I happy, yes... no and maybe?
For me true joy is always a fleeting moment, but is only made possible by the balance of experiencing the very worst depths of despair and pain.
Surgeries do take you on very difficult journeys for sure, if you deny this... why so I wonder?
Would I have this any other way? Definitely not... the critical thing for me is to be able to still be a highly emotional, sentient 'feeling' being... come what may.
It's what I consider the key aspect to making me human; do I regret any medical intervention I've undertaken so far? None to date.... but smooth sailing it never is my dears....
Is this what I always wanted?No... I never wanted to be a person who was afflicted by gender dysphoria!! How could any rational being, choose the most difficult path ahead. Though has my condition and journey defined me as a person?... Undoubtedly!
But for better and worse, would be my most honest answer. It's a lie that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.... human beings are not bacteria, so simply surviving a traumatic event does not always end in a happy-ever-after.
The bulk of psychological research I've read/researched, as a rule states clearly that if you are stronger after hardship - it is probably despite - not because of the hardship. The school of hard knocks does little more than knock you down - HARD....
(Dismiss this at your peril)
Underfed, weaker, traumatized children with no caring parents are more, not less likely to fail - than kids born of successful, stable, happy and healthy parents. These are unarguable well defined facts. Mayhem and chaos can never be your allies, and they don't prepare you well to deal with the many horrors of the world that you might encounter.
Tender love and care does up your odds of success, because they nurture and strengthen your capacity to survive, learn and adapt, including equipping you with the knowledge of how to dig-deep and cope with the inevitable challenging hardships you will have no choice but to navigate through.
Do I feel complete?Probably not, its just too 'final', I suspect I'll always be a restless soul, searching for meaning and truth, not just in myself, but in my career too, my personal love life the whole nine quarts and all.
Have I undertaken all the surgeries I need to feel comfortable in my skin - my unceasingly fought for womanhood? Yes most certainly.... as of the last few weeks back in fact - dysphoria correcting surgery's now forever over....
My next hospital trip will be due to unforeseen circumstances, accident or perhaps my demise and death.
(And while on the subject of final farewells....)
I wish to thank personally the so many sweet people (souls) on
SUSANS.PLACE who've helped me on most recent journey (over the last 9 month or so) to further fulfilment and I wish you all much success with what you hope to achieve and seek... Live long and prosper yous all.
What's now ahead for me? It's beautifully simple....
I wish to be permanently grateful for being born....
