Fragile Male Identity And "feminine Hobbies"

[popweasel]

Do all transmen agree that it's hard to be a man in a female's body, especially when there's the societal pressure to be "macho"?

When a cis-guy draws, everyone goes "Wow he is creative, smart, and has a deep mind"
When a girl drawings, people go "oh she's just being a girl"

I am an artistic person. Once I was forced out of my closet, people kept using my artistic disposition as a proof of me being female, including the fact that I "draw like a girl" and draw "feminine" things. I eventually stopped drawing and writing altogether and any attempts to start doing so spirals down into fits of rage and violent tantrums.

There is nothing masculine about my art. It surely screams "female" over my fragile ego. I draw like this, this is the only way I draw, and I hate myself for it.

Yet, I don't want to give up my artistic career altogether because I know I am only shooting myself in the foot if I do. I even make money off my art.

I understand that everyone has masculine and feminine traits, but as transgendered people, you guys should understand what I am saying. I am prone to going toward the overmasculine spectrum due to my insecurity, even though there is nothing masculine about me. I can't play sports. All the girls can beat me up. But I am not going to live, act, and do pretty much everything like a girl and then add at the end, "Hey, I am a guy."

People tell me that if I was going to draw and retain masculinity, at least I should find expertise in mecha (which seem to be the only realm of art that is masculine). I draw mecha but I suck at it. People tell me it's good and that my designs are "unique" (which, in my fragile male ego's ears, means feminine). Online, people could obviously tell I am a girl and then they accuse of me for trying to be "one of those girls who try to pass off as kawaii guys because it's cute" (this totally kills me)

Why, why must artistic disposition be considered "feminine"? Why do people associate creativity with girls, and any guy who likes colorful things and theatre are called "->-bleeped-<-gots"? What a dilemma. The thing is, I don't even know what I should do.

[cynthialee]

You are unique. Chances are you will have haters in your face for the rest of your life. You just have to let it go. The opinions of others can not be the sounding board by which you base your lifes descisions.

I know that all sounds so cliche' and said a million times but it is so very true.

Maybe your work is not as femme as you think or others in your circle say. Maybe you could post a few pieces of your stuff let us get a look.
I doubt it is as bad as you see it.

And so what if you come off a tad queer. It certainly isn't the end of the world. Some day you are going to look like a man. Being a straight male in the art world will not work to your advantige anyways. So play it up. Make it work for you instead of against you.

just my 2centavos

I hope you can get out of this funk and back to your art. The world needs men like you.

[insideontheoutside]

Ok, I'm not sure who you've been talking to or whether you've looked at art in both the modern or historical sense, but I'm just sitting here perplexed how someone could think that they way they draw is "too feminine". Or that when a male draws he's being creative but when a female does she's just being a girl? 

You mention Mecha, are you drawing comics or ...?

It's incredibly sad when someone is held back from something they want to do or enjoy doing just because someone else might say, "Oh that's too ___________." In your case, you gotta do what cynthialee suggests and just let it go.

This is definitely one area where I've got a lot of experience - the art world. I went to art school. I've worked in a number of creative fields and I'm even involved with the comics industry. What you're saying here is NOT how most people view creativity or artistic talent - at all. Not once in all of art school or my professional career has anyone mentioned gender in reference to artistic style. Even in the comics industry - one that's heavily saturated with males - has anything I've produced been referred to as "girlie", "feminine" or any other type of female gender specific word.

[popweasel]

I wish it was easy to go "Screw the society" and do whatever I want and "be myself" but no.

If someone claims to be something, they have to show some proof in order to be taken seriously. That's my philosophy. For example, if some guy claims that his IQ is 180 but has nothing to show for it, does drugs, act like a spoiled child by nagging his parents to buy him a huge electric guitar set and then tells me, "Well I am being myself.. but I still have an IQ of 180!" Then no, I am not going to take him seriously. So if I act like a girl, draw girly things, talk like a girl, use smilies, and then demand everyone to call me a guy and treat me like one, who's going to take me seriously? I wouldn't take someone seriously if they claimed to be a guy but didn't even put an effort into passing off as a guy.

insideontheoutside, perhaps you're right. Maybe people don't think of creativity as a female thing. Well, where I come from, creativity = female. Perhaps I should just move to a new town or something.

[japple]

I hire artists and designers all the time and you should get this out of my head.  It's not true.  Ever been to a comic book convention?  Guys are a dime a dozen but women artist are held up on a silver platter. There are NOT very many women in the graphic arts.  Animation studios, design shops, and illustrators are typically filled with men.  The fine arts world is dominated by men.  Even women fashion and shoe designers, the most feminine artistic contributions to design are often men.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by feminine vs. masculine drawing but if you're talking about subject matter it's a HUGE ASSET to be a male artist who can insert female communication into your art.  One of the most popular contemporary illustrators is James Jean and he does incredibly "feminine" stuff.

Artists have self doubt and you're likely to think a million odd / judgmental things but the key is to embrace what you are doing and keep working.  Eight hours a day or more.  All this stuff about men and women artists is just leading you astray and you should find a therapist who will give you techniques to get that junk out of your head.  Don't create "straw men" in your head that judge you harsher than the real world.  The fact is, most people don't care about art and aren't being judgmental at all.   You're lucky if you can get it in front of a lot of people or get paid a significant amount of money...being judged is the last of your concerns.

[tekla]

The fine arts world is dominated by men.

^^^^ THIS^^^^^

[Sharky]

I agree that it's hard to be a man in a female's body. I've had the opposite problems with societal pressure.  I found the pressure to be feminine growing up to be difficult. My mother wanted a girly girl and that was something I definitely was not. She always gave me a lot of ->-bleeped-<- for it. Even the masculine things I couldn't control, like my body hair.

I never viewed drawing as a particularly feminine thing. When I was little me and a couple friends would hang out just drawing stuff. I took a drawing class my freshman year of college and it was about 50/50. I can't name one female artist.

If you're effeminate, you're effeminate. I don't know who these people are, but if you don't like what they are saying stop listening. It's your life do what makes you happy.

[popweasel]

I already know that the almost all art fields are trumped by men, but it's like being a chef. Most women are expected to cook and most men are not, but the top chefs are men. More women are into art but the leaders are men. It's a glass escalator effect.
People still use my art as a "see, you draw like this so you are too feminine to be a guy" card.
I need an outlet to get a grisp of my masculinity and sports isn't one of them.

[japple]

Well, where I come from, creativity = female. Perhaps I should just move to a new town or something.

Read through the five posts you've made on Susans. ALL of them have a judgement about what guys do or what girls do or what people say.  You have to work VERY VERY hard to stop thinking like this.  Every part of the country, every industry, every age, has different social constructs.  You're creating "false" people "straw men" who are judging you.  You're your own worst enemy.  Don't worry about the people who will judge you.  They are not people will interact with you for long.  Find the people who don't judge you, who love you and support you.   There are BILLIONS of people in the world.  Most people only have or need about 10 friends.  Find your perfect 10.

[japple]

People still use my art as a "see, you draw like this so you are too feminine to be a guy" card.

Who said this?  What are their names? Are they important people to you?

[popweasel]

Pretty much everyone who pulled me out of the closet or I spoke to. Friends, family, etc.

I feel like a gay guy who hates himself for being "->-bleeped-<-gy". It's hard to accept myself this way.

[japple]

Post some of your art.  I've worked in comics, film, and television for all the big players.  It's what I do for a living and I get about 20 portfolios a week from people who want to work for me.  I'll give you the last critique you'll ever need. 

[popweasel]

No thanks. My art doesn't matter, the way how I handle this does.

[japple]

Pretty much everyone who pulled me out of the closet or I spoke to. Friends, family, etc.

I don't believe you.  Write down each person who said that you draw feminine and therefor can't be a man.  Who've specifically said those things about your art. 

Then break it down further.  How many of them have an artistic profession, who have a trained judgment?  You talk about social norms but why are you letting non professional artists critique your work?

[Sharky]

Not doing whatever I want sounds harder to me.

I think you care too much what other people think. I don't get what drugs and being spoiled has to do with your IQ, but I don't think you should be changing yourself for the gratification of others. You going to spend your whole life trying to appease other people?  I don't think changing yourself is going to make people respect you, and I don't think someone that respects themselves would do that.

[tekla]

Well the guy way to handle it is to tell them that their opinion and fifty cents gets them a phone call, unless you just tell them to STFU and FOAD.

[japple]

No thanks. My art doesn't matter, the way how I handle this does.

If you're an artist, your art is mostly all that matters.  I just gave you an opening to post up your art and get a critique. Why wouldn't you?  It seems like you're letting non-professionals judge it but not pros?  I paid artists about $870,000 for commercial work last year. 

[japple]

If someone claims to be something, they have to show some proof in order to be taken seriously.

?

[popweasel]

I don't believe you.  Write down each person who said that you draw feminine and therefor can't be a man.  Who've specifically said those things about your art. 

Then break it down further.  How many of them have an artistic profession, who have a trained judgment?  You talk about social norms but why are you letting non professional artists critique your work?

Over ten people I can name, but none of them have art degrees. Do I really need their respect?

[popweasel]

Why wouldn't you?  It seems like you're letting non-professionals judge it but not pros?  I paid artists about $870,000 for commercial work last year.

Because I want to remain anonymous