Yes. But I'm getting better about it since coming out. Basically, I seem to have internalized a fair amount of the gender restrictions and homophobic messages directed at both men and women.
I was always ashamed of things that made me look feminine - even in full-on girl mode I would hide things like my love for boy bands, pop music, and chick flicks. I overcompensated for my feminine side really really hard - played sports even though I sucked at them, was a firefighter, joined the military, tried to out-macho all the straight guys I worked with. I destroyed my back, my knees, the skin on my hands.
On the other hand, I was afraid of seeming too masculine for fear of being perceived as a lesbian. So I didn't cut my hair short, I wore women's clothing most of the time when I wasn't working, I learned to dance like a girl, curled my hair, did makeup to go out. All the stuff I hated.
So essentially I constructed this whole completely fake person that rejected both the feminine things I like and the male/masculine aspects of me. She was even more full of gender-nonconformity and contradictions than the real me, and she wasn't even real! I was always worried about seeming too girly/gay. One of the first things my now-husband noticed about me was (in his words) that I "seem like I'm trying so hard not to be a girl that I avoid things I like just because girls like them." And this was when I was in girl-mode. I was wearing makeup, high-heeled boots, stretch jeans, and a cleavage-baring push-up halter top at the time. It sounded completely ridiculous when he said it...but he was right, that's exactly what I'd been doing all my life.
But I didn't know any other way to be, so I kept up the facade the whole time I was in the closet. Since coming out I've been slowly deconstructing it. The fake-femme stuff was easy to ditch - cut my hair, stop wearing all the clothes I hate. But the fake-macho stuff is harder to get rid of because it's like a reflexive defense mechanism. I'd always hidden my effeminate tastes. The only girly stuff I ever let anyone see me doing was the fake stuff I hated. The real effeminate side of me - the glitter drag, the Justin Timberlake, the fashion mags - I'd always hidden that from everybody, even my parents, ever since I was a little kid and began to understand boys' gender role expectations. Only sissies, gays, and girls liked that stuff. And I didn't want to be any of those things.
Now I'm an adult, I'm gay, I'm out (as gay anyway, to anyone who sees me as male), I'm proud...but when I'm watching Glee and my husband comes in the room, I still have to restrain myself from guiltily changing the channel before he sees what I'm watching. And I'm still deeply ashamed of ordering fruity cocktails at the bar when everyone else is having beer. And I still have a very conflicted relationship with the colour pink.
