Womanly thoughts?

[Illusionary weapons]

Today I saw a poster advertisement for weddings.  Going over to the billboard I looked at the bride and thought she's beautiful (what attracted me in the first place plus the thought of these gender issues I'm having).  Looking at the groom I thought he would be seen by many as handsome, I see it but I also don't see it.  My mind then did a sort of flip I looked at the bride and really wanted to be her, I looked at the groom and nothing (maybe it's the wrong guy....)

TMI warning my conclusion if I'm being absolutely honest is I find men sexually attractive but most times not handsome, while women I so often see as attractive and beautiful but sexually I don't want to go there (though I do have some thoughts about it.)

I don't know what is happening, but it's clear I need to start taking this serious if I want a future.  I've had one girlfriend in my adult life I have been attracted to women but there's a reason why I'm not taking it further.
If this is all TMI I appologise.

[Carlita]

When I was 15, at an all-male boarding school, the other boys read skin magazines and wanked at pictures of naked omen.

I read Vogue and longed to be one of the models.

It's taken me many, many, many years just to bring myself to admit who and what I really am. My advice to you is, the sooner you can sort out how you really feel, the better ... and the happier you will be.

[Key]

When I was 15, at an all-male boarding school, the other boys read skin magazines and wanked at pictures of naked omen.

I read Vogue and longed to be one of the models.

It's taken me many, many, many years just to bring myself to admit who and what I really am. My advice to you is, the sooner you can sort out how you really feel, the better ... and the happier you will be.

Funny, I recall doing something similar, save with sunday ad models.  I actually had certain ones cut out and pasted to computer paper so I could have a sheet full of it.  That, and clothing I liked. 

[melts]

Agree with Carlita if you can figure it out earlier the better you will be for it. I deal with the same thoughts you encounter all the time and I too stopped "going there" with female relationships -- though it took me 3 rather long ones to realize I wasn't cut out for it.

[caitlin_adams]

IW, your experience sounds exactly like mine. I'd see pictures of weddings and think "omg, she's gorgeous" but couldn't understand the idea of wanting to 'have' her or 'take' her or 'f***' her, an idea my friends all had. I just wanted to be like her, I was envious.

It wasn't until much later that I finally understood the thrill of sex, when I allowed myself to imagine myself as a woman having a man make love to me. Before then I used to picture myself as a woman being made love to by a woman with a penis.

I read another post the other day on these forums that went something like 'women are pretty and would be fun to play with but what I really want is a man to hold me down when I want to be held down and to protect me'. Sums up how I (and I believe the majority of the female population) feel at the moment

[melts]

Oh and I forgot -- I've actually uttered "that blouse looks great on you" to female friends of mine -- don't think that's all that common in dude-speak. The strange part was it felt completely natural to me -- only later hit me as another clue of how my brain works.

[Miss Natasha Cleaver]

As a teenager, I used to have friends who were girls, and wished I could be them. I grew up in a small texas town and the pressure to fill the male stereotype was unreal. I would look at female magazines and immulate the models!
Mel...I have found the more that the real feminine me takes over, the more it spills into my "male" life. It takes the form of language, mannerisms, body language...and oddly enough my friends don't say anything! (or at least they choose not to say anything)

[umop ap!sdn]

I was extremely envious of my first crush. I wanted to be her, or be like her, or at least have a fairytale romance.

[Simone Louise]

I've told my wife for decades: "When I grow up, I want to be just like you."

In college, my fiance (different woman) would come to the lounge of my dorm to read Playboy; I'd read her Redbook.

At parties, I spend so much time in the kitchen that one hostess told my wife they would still be friends, "But don't bring your husband again: he doesn't mix well with my husband and his male friends."

Today, it looks like I may be invited to join a new all-female group seeking to learn and play mah jong. Spending a couple hours with them always boosts my spirits, and most of us are old friends. Maybe, I can learn to be bubbly at the same time.

As for weddings, I'm past dreaming of mine, and not quite ready for my youngest daughter's.

Shyly,
S

[Illusionary weapons]

Thank you everyone for your replies this such a personal thing for me I've actually found it really hard to even come back in here  Yes I haven't allowed myself to be myself and it actually makes me feel strong emotion but in a good way, so it's time to visit my doctor and begin that side of the process.

IW, your experience sounds exactly like mine. I'd see pictures of weddings and think "omg, she's gorgeous" but couldn't understand the idea of wanting to 'have' her or 'take' her or 'f***' her, an idea my friends all had. I just wanted to be like her, I was envious.

It wasn't until much later that I finally understood the thrill of sex, when I allowed myself to imagine myself as a woman having a man make love to me. Before then I used to picture myself as a woman being made love to by a woman with a penis.

I read another post the other day on these forums that went something like 'women are pretty and would be fun to play with but what I really want is a man to hold me down when I want to be held down and to protect me'. Sums up how I (and I believe the majority of the female population) feel at the moment

Thank you caitlin,  one day I hope I am a bride (shivers going down my legs right now with such a lovely feeling inside).

I actually feel normal for the first time ever.  Next step is to be resolved to live my life how it's meant to be lived  It's the telling my mum who I am so close too, but we have a loving adult relationship she'll laugh I know but she'll come round, now I'm understanding why people wish they'd been honest much earlier, what life I would have led...

[Illusionary weapons]

I've told my wife for decades: "When I grow up, I want to be just like you."

In college, my fiance (different woman) would come to the lounge of my dorm to read Playboy; I'd read her Redbook.

At parties, I spend so much time in the kitchen that one hostess told my wife they would still be friends, "But don't bring your husband again: he doesn't mix well with my husband and his male friends."

Today, it looks like I may be invited to join a new all-female group seeking to learn and play mah jong. Spending a couple hours with them always boosts my spirits, and most of us are old friends. Maybe, I can learn to be bubbly at the same time.

As for weddings, I'm past dreaming of mine, and not quite ready for my youngest daughter's.

Shyly,
S

Simone louis how was it with the all-female group? did you have fun learnig mah jong


I probably wont have children sperm freezing is so expensive now that is really not a great feeling, as I remember it was the reason I decided against transsitioning in my late teens, oooo now I'm feeling really sad.

[Simone Louise]

Simone louis how was it with the all-female group? did you have fun learnig mah jong

Lunch Wednesday was very pleasant, though I ate too much. We met in a favorite Greek restaurant and I had roast lamb with cabbage. Each month we try a different restaurant. The mah jong is yet to be, I forget the exact date. I am completely comfortable with women as long as they ignore that I'm male-bodied.

I probably wont have children sperm freezing is so expensive now that is really not a great feeling, as I remember it was the reason I decided against transsitioning in my late teens, oooo now I'm feeling really sad.

I highly recommend taking any opportunity to be with children, learn from them, and watch them grow. Whether the fruit of our body, adopted, fostered, or loaned, children are part of what we live for. I've raised four of my own, plus played a bit part with one foster son. And I volunteered at my daughter's grade school and with her girl scout troop (I was on the books as a girl scout--for insurance purposes).  The words from a friend's song come to mind: "Its not the thing I do best, but it's the best thing that I do."

S

[Janet_Girl]

I have always thought that the female form was prefect and the male form was somehow malformed. 

My entire life women has sought me out as a confidant.  Regardless of the subject we will chat about it.  One gal once told me that I was easy to talk to, like a sister.  And I was still in male form.

[Illusionary weapons]

I highly recommend taking any opportunity to be with children, learn from them, and watch them grow. Whether the fruit of our body, adopted, fostered, or loaned, children are part of what we live for. I've raised four of my own, plus played a bit part with one foster son. And I volunteered at my daughter's grade school and with her girl scout troop (I was on the books as a girl scout--for insurance purposes).  The words from a friend's song come to mind: "Its not the thing I do best, but it's the best thing that I do."

S

You're absolutely right.  As the youngest of 4 I have 6 nieces and 2 nephews who I'm very close too exactly because as you say from spending quality time with them when they were growing up, awwww bless em haha. 

There are advances in science and to be honest I want to carry my child, will science advance that far for it to be a reality for me who knows, there's other advances too which I'll explore when the time is right.

[Cindy]

I was in male mode today, for personal reasons, anyhow after I left the nursing home I was visiting I saw a new bridal shop had opened. So in I go looking at the gowns, assistant comes up and asks, can I help you sir?  No just wondering what I would wear if I ever get married again. Ooopps hadn't realised I'd said that


Cindy

[Illusionary weapons]

  I'd have loved to have seen his reaction 

[Cindy]

Hi KatieD

She was a she, and looked shocked. I think she then saw a few things, double pierced ears with female rings in them, female shaped eye brows, no (or very little) facial hair and I was wearing a bra, for some slightly needed support . So she did show me around and we were both very neutral in our comments.

She was way more embarrassed than I was

Hugs

Cindy

[Carlita]

Oh and I forgot -- I've actually uttered "that blouse looks great on you" to female friends of mine -- don't think that's all that common in dude-speak. The strange part was it felt completely natural to me -- only later hit me as another clue of how my brain works.

I so relate to this!! I was at a dinner party recently and an old college friend came in with his wife, whom I've also known for 20-plus years. Without even thinking about it, when I saw her I said, 'Oh my God, I love your boots!' Which I did, they were really cute, high-heeled knee-high boots in a stretchy black suede. The people who overheard me just laughed and one said, 'Only you would ever say anything like that!' Which makes me think that coming out may not be quite such a shock after all ... it certainly hasn't been to the few I've told.

[suzannemarie]

My entire life women has sought me out as a confidant.  Regardless of the subject we will chat about it.  One gal once told me that I was easy to talk to, like a sister.  And I was still in male form.

this was me as well. i figure it was an older brother figure but i now think it was more like a girlfriend.

[JessicaR]

Wow.... this post speaks to me.

  I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to men but I find many of them repulsive. I'm also emotionally attracted to women and find them much more physically attractive than men. I've had relationships with both and I really do prefer being close to a guy... but the ones I'm attracted to are so few and far between. On the other hand, I've never had a same-sex relationship with a woman. I would, however like to try but I really can't do that in all good conscience before GRS. Then again, I'm totally into an intersexed Transman in my support group.. Go figure!

  UGH!  Bisexuality is confusing.

  You're certainly not alone....