In Need Of Advice

[Tiffany Elise]

  I have been reading and it seems the more I read the more I think and the more confused I am. Like anything that should be left to simplicity, I think my mind can be my worst enemy.
  How would I know (in simple terms) if I am Androgyne?
  For example I cannot say I feel male or female. As a male I am very meek I guess. In a sense I guess I don't pay much attention.
  Since losing my job to fibromyalgia I am a full time homemaker. I really don't give much thought to how I dress except when going out as I am stealth. I am just as comfortable doing housework in a nightgown or dress as when I wear jeans and boots outside.
  I can't say I prefer one aspect of life over another. I notice now that I am as comfortable working on a car as doing dishes and cleaning my house. I don't dress differently on purpose with the exception of going out. For the most part I give clothing no thought. There really is no sexual turn-on with clothing. I just kind of throw on what is handy and comfortable at the time.
  As embarrasing as this is, sex is something I can do with or without. There really is nothing that turns me on.
  When I get up each day I just go through the motions and do what has to be done. I guess I really don't know what I am. For the longest time I thought I was transgender, but after reading from the Androgyne letters I'm not sure. I really don't feel like I'm either sex.
  I would appreciate some advice from some of you that identify as Androgyne or anyone that has felt this way.

  Tiff

[VeryGnawty]

There are things that you know, and then there are things that you know.  Identity is something that you know.

Get rid of the baloney that society shoves down your throat, and comtemplate on who you really are.  You already know.  You just aren't aware of it.

[Kendall]

What is an Androgyne?

An Androgyne is one who's gender identity is not of the polarized genders of male or female. 

Subgroups of androgynes:
Androgynes may identify themselves as possessing no gender at all (agender or Neutrois), as a member of a gender outside of the binary gender system (third-gender), as a distinct separate combination of male and female gender (bi-gender)(like 2 personas that come out at different times), or as a mixture or combination of both genders unified (intergender).  Some Androgynes experience shifts between genders (fluid).

A quick, easy way to explain Androgyne as a gender identity is to compare it with Intersex. - Intersex people are born with a physical combination of sexual characteristics or absence of sex determining genitalia.  Androgynes are much the same when it comes to mental gender. 

Often, when asked if they feel like a man or like a woman their answers are, "I'm both.", "I'm neither" or, "I'm just human".  Androgynes are sometimes called the silent majority of the TG world because most do not desire hormone therapy or surgery to match their physical body with their psychological gender.

How would I know (in simple terms) if I am Androgyne?

An Androgyne is one who's gender identity is not of the polarized genders of male or female.

I cannot say I feel male or female.

There are variations in how androgynes feel (aka subgroups). The main thing common is that if either just "male" or just "female" doesnt work for you. And then normally if one of the subgroups sounds more like you.

possessing no gender at all (agender or Neutrois),
a member of a gender outside of the binary gender system (third-gender),
a distinct separate combination of male and female gender (bi-gender)(like 2 personas that come out at different times),
a mixture or combination of both genders unified (intergender). 
experience shifts between genders (fluid).

How you express gender will normally be a mixture of male and female expressions.

One can find that they have a little of each of the gender poles inside which is real, natural, and good. Making one's gender in between or outside traditional two gender separation.

True that even non androgynes can do or experience androgynous behavior, feelings, or actions at times. Androgynes it is more a continuous constant feeling. When that mixture is realized to be the person's real gender, and it wont ever go away.

I can't say I prefer one aspect of life over another. I notice now that I am as comfortable working on a car as doing dishes and cleaning my house. I don't dress differently on purpose with the exception of going out. For the most part I give clothing no thought. There really is no sexual turn-on with clothing. I just kind of throw on what is handy and comfortable at the time.

If you accept the male and female in you as a natural part of you, and dont see in any foreseeable future ever polarizing to one gender only (even if there was nothing blocking such as money, health, minor age (under 18), family-lover-friend relationships made it so that you could).

But the short answer is still
An Androgyne is one who's gender identity is not of the polarized genders of male or female.

Instead hearing me answer whether you are one or not, its best if you would answer that yourself based on the information of your life. You have mentioned not feeling male and female, and mentioned that you perform both genders during a given day. So the answer comes down to is if that is the real you or not, and that you must decide. By looking at your whole life and past, and what is desired, expected, or what pulls you in the future without limits.

There are some Gender Specialists / therapists that can and do diagnose Androgynes (normally in a populated major city that has a gender identity center most likely).

[Tiffany Elise]

  Thank you both for your insight. I guess right now I see myself more "agender or neutrois." I really don't know. I always felt like a girl growing up but lately after reading so much I guess I kinda got confused. With the exception of having to remain stealth for outside reasons it really wouldn't matter what sex I was. Sometimes I just don't feel as though I fit in anywhere. On one hand maybe it's a blessing but it kinda painful in other ways. I don't know. Thanks guys.
  Tiff

[Suzy]

Hi, Tiff!

Sounds like you are learning more about yourself all of the time.  What a journey this is!  I also know that fibromyalgia has some aspects that really affect your life a swell.  Depression would not be unusual for you right now, and that will zap your sex drive too, compunding what you are already feeling.

A dear friend of mine who suffers from the same disease just sent me a note, and I thought I would pass it along to you.

Psalm 28:7

Peace,

Kristi
=========================================================================

The Letter To Normals

Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,
Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person's time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.
I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). Many have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this judgments are made that may not be correct... So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM/MPS has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.
You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who's attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you wont see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You wont see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can't see it and do not understand....
Please don't get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....
Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another's sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.
I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to "lose" the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the Demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand....
Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.
And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn't mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say "but you did that yesterday!" "What is your problem today?" The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply that I have let my family down again; and still they don't understand....
On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another's face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.
So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals... and this demon.... Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand....
Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you... Please understand....
Copyright of www.fibrohugs.com Written by Ronald J. Waller

[Tiffany Elise]

Kristi;
  Thank you so much. And  so true it is.
Tiff