How about a little direct talk about something people don't talk about?
A married couple, both therapists, recently made an appearance on one of the daytime talk shows and made the suggestion that AVERAGE couples have sex a couple of times a week. When the question was directed to THEM by the host, they didn't answer (and yet they were there to discuss this topic!). Can you think of anything more lied about? Can you think of any topic less brought up by friends because it would make many uncomfortable to discuss?
I have a theory that the frequency of sexual activity, going "all the way," may be one of societal myth. It may be just a phenomenon of the middle-aged people that surround me as friends or I may be onto something deeper. Of course we, as transgenders, bring additional baggage to the plate and maybe most TG's are more sexual than I imagine. You have to be somewhat liberated to think what we think. In my case, that TG baggage impeded and probably still impedes my desire for "true" sex. When I was young, I felt insecure and out of place as a man and so doing "male" things like being assertive sexually were somewhat foreign to me. Not that I didn't DESIRE to be more assertive. I daydreamed but it rarely happened. In my forties, I could count on two hands the number of times that I had had sex. There, I said it. And, in transitioning, we of course often have to put our "sex lives" on hold. Maybe I've just gotten used to that. One more excuse.
As a post-op M2F (1999) in my fifties, I dated both guys and gals. I was repulsed by an attempt at sleeping with a man. I was still drawn to women and ended up having three VERY close relationships with lesbians. One problem in my sexual world is that I never have learned to appreciate, er, oral sex. Makes it kind of tough to be a lesbian, huh, lol? Well, these three and I used hands to reach what I felt were new wonderful worlds. They seemed happy but, after being with each a few months, they moved on. One was direct enough to say that whatever I did was good for her -- she complained that I wasn't as interested in having it as OFTEN as she wanted.
In not dating for the last few years (out of choice), I find I'm less and less interested in sex. I like being close but find it hard to get interested in THE ACT (a strange term....are we "acting?"). I hear that middle-aged women (I'm 54) can commonly become disinterested in sex. Others my age say they're happy as clams in bed. For me, the hugging and being close is SOOO much more satisfying. I've often heard that many lesbians like to hug. Imagine my surprise when one lesbian complained to me, "I'm not a Teddy bear!"
And some of you wonder why I'm still single, lol.
What's your angle on this? Do you feel comfortable talking about something society doesn't talk about? There's no one here you need impress. Let's hear what you really think. And, heck, if I'm the only one who just likes just hugging and being close, so be it, lol. For me, it works. And among millions of people out there, perhaps there's one more, like me.
Teri Anne
