I'm absolutely stuck

[NightWing]

Edit: I completely forgot to mention an important piece of information.  I am already enrolled in a local community college.  This is my second semester going there.  When I talk about housing, I mean, I'm already enrolled here and everything.

(I had to remove all the profanity, so sorry if it sounds weird or I missed some.)

I have no idea what to do or who to listen to anymore. None of this makes any sense and it seems like no matter what I do I'm screwed.

Background Info: Generally in my life, I've been pretty miserable. My mom likes to just yell at me and criticize me over absolutely everything. She doesn't listen, and I've tried talking to her and understanding her and nothing works. If I don't follow her exact ideals, I get screamed at. She does it sneakily, while trying to guilt trip me. My dad has generally ignored me. I listen to him more than my mom because he's had actual life experience. We're originally from Mississippi but moved here to Wyoming when I was 11 or so (I'm 19 now). The years have gone by, and everybody in my family (except like me and my little brother) misses the south and has wanted to go back.

Last year I decided to head to college. Around the end of last year, it hit me that I had the ability to move out. But a shamble of events fell, and they are for sure moving back to MS this summer. I cannot stand that place. I went down there for a "vacation" this summer. I can't stand the people. I can't stand the corrupt government. I can't stand my family. I can't stand being forced to be a girl. I can't stand being forced to be around my relatives who I don't even like. Not to mention if we all moved down there, we would be dirt poor with no internet, small house, limited amount of food, etc, etc.

I've been really socially screwed up and have only started to get better when I fully accepted myself as a guy last year. So finally, this semester, I can hold a job without going insane. My plan was to do therapy (which I'm doing now), begin hormones, move out, and life will be good.

But apparently I'm a stupid moron who doesn't know what to do. My parents don't understand my transsexualism and just ignore it. I have a small amount of money in the bank (like $500), and my jobs pays like $400 a month. I don't have a car. When they leave, I won't have any insurance. I was planning to get a second job (been trying but I haven't even gotten an interview yet), use a bike to get around (the campus is a ways off from town, but it isn't too bad), sell off much of my stuff, going for scholarships, and do that to get by.

My dad got really really really mad about it though. He says I will ruin my life by staying up here, that I won't be able to save any money for a 4 year college. So then it pretty much turned into both of my parents telling me it was a horrible idea and that I should just go with them to MS and go to school there instead (meaning, living at home while going like I am now.)

But that idea just makes me go into a crying fit. I hate that state so much. I would have to put everything on hold. I would have to use girl bathrooms. I would have to grow my hair back out. I would have to put up with EVEN MORE constant negative comments from my mom. I would be stuck in a tiny room with my mentally retarded sister (she masturbates to Sonic and doesn't bother to clean up her period blood), with no access to internet (my only escape), going to a school which I would hate with rude ungrateful people. I'm depressed enough being in my current situation, but going down there only amplifies it. Then when I do finally get some time to myself, I would have to work and then go hang out with my family. If I refuse, I would get an onslaught of crying and being screamed at from ALL of them instead of just my mother.

But, I don't wanna make a retarded mistake, so maybe it is bad to stay up here? But jesus christ. I know part of my problem is having no challenge in my life. But I would hate to ruin it.  I don't know. I'm convinced I would do alright if I stayed here, but I don't know if that's just stupid dreaming or not.

I know this post sounds like a whiny 14 year old typed it, and at this point, I don't care. I was going to mail-in my housing application for my school tomorrow when this happened. I don't know what to do. What do I do?

[xAndrewx]

Okay, let's say you do mail in your housing application and you do for some reason decide to move with them, what would happen? Would there be any fees or problems?

It sounds like you need to get the heck away from that life. So how about student loans? I usually suggest against taking out much but maybe that would be the best option for you. You're 19, legally an adult correct? If that is the case then your parents can complain, yell, and so on but you make your own options. If I were you I would turn in the application, lay low with your parents to avoid fights while saving up any nickle and dime I could and then when it came time for them to move I would explain to them your not moving. If you think they will get angry and try to take/destroy your stuff it might be a good idea to get a friend to hold onto it between after you tell them and when you move into housing.

I can't tell you what would be the smartest thing to do because I don't know the exact numbers and such just keep your head up man, keep doing awesome in your job and pushing through each day. It sounds like your looking at all options which is very mature and smart so good job *hug*

[justmeinoz]

It sounds like you are faced with a pretty horrible scenario if you move with your family, so I agree with Andrew (much as I hate giving actual advice rather than suggesting alternatives).
Staying where you are and working your butt off to repay a student loan sounds like the lesser of two evils.  It would be hard, but at least you can be you, and not a figment of someone else's imagination.  Especially given the lack of respect you are getting.
Hugs young feller.  Sandra.

[spacial]

Rain.

As others have said, you can move.

It's all about doing your sums really. Figuring out how much you need and making sure you have that coming in.

I really hope you can do this without falling out with your family. Howeer irksum that may be, at the end of the day, they are the people you can rely upon.

[regan]

It does come off as a bit of a whiny teenage rant, but I don't know your situation outside of what you just described, so its not fair of me to dismiss you as such.  I will tell you this, the world is full of uneducated, broke teenagers that would do great things...if only...

Do what you have to do to get an education.  It may mean having to put transition on hold, but then again you'd just be another broke, uneducated, unemployed teenager headed towards yet another failed transition.  It may mean taking out mind boggling student loans, or it may mean moving in with your parents to save money for college, but either way your transition goal right now should be your education.  Until you reach that goal, focus on other ways, probably more subtle, you can still express yourself as the person you know yourself to be.

[NightWing]

It does come off as a bit of a whiny teenage rant, but I don't know your situation outside of what you just described, so its not fair of me to dismiss you as such.  I will tell you this, the world is full of uneducated, broke teenagers that would do great things...if only...

Do what you have to do to get an education.  It may mean having to put transition on hold, but then again you'd just be another broke, uneducated, unemployed teenager headed towards yet another failed transition.  It may mean taking out mind boggling student loans, or it may mean moving in with your parents to save money for college, but either way your transition goal right now should be your education.  Until you reach that goal, focus on other ways, probably more subtle, you can still express yourself as the person you know yourself to be.

Alright, I did sleep on it and I am calmer now.  The stress had been building for a while and I just exploded there.

In my OP, what I meant by being dirt poor is really, being poor.  There is a good chance I won't even be able to go to school for a while if I go with them.  I'll be having to work just to support my family and I haven't put any schools down there on my FAFSA. 

But you do have a point about the education.  I was going to get therapy done and over with, then I would know the specific prices for everything for me then I could decide to go a head with it or not.  If it was manageable, then I'd do it, and if not, I could wait just a little longer and start when I can (and the therapy would be out of the way).

To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty sure I know what I should do.  It's just doing it that's so difficult.  It's really hard to do something with both parents are against it and raise hell about it whenever the slightest thing is mentioned about it.  I'm horrified of making a mistake and having it ruin my life.  But it's pretty much, I think that if I move there it will ruin my life.  They think if I stay up here it will ruin my life.  So either way my life is gonna get ruined from the looks of it.

[NightWing]

Okay, let's say you do mail in your housing application and you do for some reason decide to move with them, what would happen? Would there be any fees or problems?

It sounds like you need to get the heck away from that life. So how about student loans? I usually suggest against taking out much but maybe that would be the best option for you. You're 19, legally an adult correct? If that is the case then your parents can complain, yell, and so on but you make your own options. If I were you I would turn in the application, lay low with your parents to avoid fights while saving up any nickle and dime I could and then when it came time for them to move I would explain to them your not moving. If you think they will get angry and try to take/destroy your stuff it might be a good idea to get a friend to hold onto it between after you tell them and when you move into housing.

I can't tell you what would be the smartest thing to do because I don't know the exact numbers and such just keep your head up man, keep doing awesome in your job and pushing through each day. It sounds like your looking at all options which is very mature and smart so good job *hug*

I would have to pay the normal housing deposit.  But I talked with one of the office people yesterday and got the details all down.  All I have to do is turn it in and wait. 

FAFSA and scholarships will cover fees and all that, it's just daily bills, and lack of insurance and a car that has everyone so worked up.  Daily bills should be fine since I'll be in a room with 3 other people.  I thought full-time workers got insurance (I'll have to get a full time job anyway), and I could use a bike/bus to get around (the bike thing I'll have to adjust too. Hardly anybody does it here), or just walk.  But I can't tell if that's just me making up excuses to stay here or actually thinking. 

[tekla]

Do what you have to do to get an education.

No other single thing you can do will make as much of a difference in you life over the long run.  People talk about how we live in an 'information age' but information and knowledge has always been power.  Nothing new there.

[regan]

Put some schools near your family on your FAFSA, you're not limited to the number of schools you can send your info to.  The sooner the better before the financial aid pot comes up empty.  Apply to schools near your family so that you have a Plan B in place if you need it.

Applying to most colleges you should have in mind a school that might be a stretch for you to get into (academically/financially or both), one that you should be able to get into (same criteria) and one that is your fall back plan.