I need help with a situation

[Everyone]

I met this girl today, and we talked for a while. And she said that she wants to be friends. But she doesn't know I'm trans, and I kind of don't want to tell her. How can I keep her from finding out?

[Sandy]

The short answer is don't tell her.

But remember that sooner or later, she is bound to find out.  No matter how you hide, no matter what you hold back, sooner or later, she will find out.

Stealth only works for so long.  It is a temporary measure at best.

But what would be the harm in telling her at an appropriate time?  This way you are in control of the situation, and can set the stage.  Otherwise you would be in a defensive position.  What will hurt the relationship as much as the revelation is the fact that you felt that she could not be trusted with this part of you.

Think about it.  You mentioned that she wants to be friends.  Are you feeling that it might become more than that?  If it does, then the results of her finding out instead of you telling is even more harmful.

It is a hard path that we walk, and we always worry about who to tell and when.  That is the unfortunate truth.

-Sandy

[Everyone]

The short answer is don't tell her.

But remember that sooner or later, she is bound to find out.  No matter how you hide, no matter what you hold back, sooner or later, she will find out.

Stealth only works for so long.  It is a temporary measure at best.

But what would be the harm in telling her at an appropriate time?  This way you are in control of the situation, and can set the stage.  Otherwise you would be in a defensive position.  What will hurt the relationship as much as the revelation is the fact that you felt that she could not be trusted with this part of you.

Think about it.  You mentioned that she wants to be friends.  Are you feeling that it might become more than that?  If it does, then the results of her finding out instead of you telling is even more harmful.

It is a hard path that we walk, and we always worry about who to tell and when.  That is the unfortunate truth.

-Sandy

How do you know that she will find out? What will make her find out?

[malinkibear]

People always find out because someone or something from your past pops up, things you've said don't add up, or they just realise over time. Try not to worry so hard about it - don't tell her for now, and if it comes up, handle it calmly.

[xAndrewx]

No offense to anyone but maybe better worded would be: if you think she is going to be a very close friend, she will probably eventually find out for one of the reasons malinkibear listed or because you find it easier to just tell her and because you trust her.

As for the original question many people don't assume if you don't disclose unless they have met a trans person before. If I were you I would just be myself and if she gets the gender wrong act confused and correct her. Good luck with your new friend

[Everyone]

No offense to anyone but maybe better worded would be: if you think she is going to be a very close friend, she will probably eventually find out for one of the reasons malinkibear listed or because you find it easier to just tell her and because you trust her.

As for the original question many people don't assume if you don't disclose unless they have met a trans person before. If I were you I would just be myself and if she gets the gender wrong act confused and correct her. Good luck with your new friend

That sounds logical. Thanks.