For those of you that know you don't pass 95% of the time.

[spacepilot]

I'm pre-everything. I could shave my head and wear a sack over my body and people would still peg me as female from a mile away 95% of the time just because of the way my face looks. So if I pass it's a big deal and usually keeps my spirits up for a good week or so haha.

That said my current not-passingness has me constantly subjected to approaches from the opposite sex as well as having cis-female oriented "benefits" thrown my way that often lead me to bouts of dysphoria. These extras are usually along the lines of being the one person in a group of cis-males that gets a hug instead of a handshake, and having the door held open for me while getting leered at. I've taken to just turning down opened doors, and even holding them open myself for other people just because for some reason I feel like it takes the pressure off of me. Go figure.

The other day I was walking down the street and some ->-bleeped-<- actually had the nerve to say "Well, hello princess" as he stepped to the side on a slim sidewalk we were passing each other on so that I'd pass him first. I might as well wear a fluffy pink dress and a tiara if this is the way I'm going to be treated even when I'm dressing as androgynously as possible.

I'm getting irritated just typing this. Ugh. So yeah, this is just one of those "can anyone relate?" type posts- feel free to share stories haha.

-Spacepilot

[Lee]

Yeah, catcalls and the like are horrible.  It was never really an issue for me until a few years ago, when I moved to a larger city.  Now I live right downtown and have to put up with guys either doing that or, on occasion, following me down the street while hitting on me most of the times I go out.  On the days I feel like I pass...well, it makes me feel like ->-bleeped-<- (not to mention it's creepy in the first place).  Let's just hope we get to passing sometime soon.

[1234]

I can understanding you... I get irritated and angry just when I remember things like that...

[MaxAloysius]

I have exactly the same problem. My hair is cut in a mohawk, sides shaved right down to the skin, I wear black pants, biker boots, a binder and guys shirts, I even wear a pair of big goggles around my neck (it's a steampunk thing) and I still don't pass. Not a damn chance.

I don't act feminine at all, but still everyone just instantly sees me as a girl. I don't get come onto though, so I suppose that's a good thing. Even though I like guys, being hit on by a guy because he thinks I'm a girl makes my dysphoria skyrocket. However, because I dress and act masculine, I get insulted a lot by people calling me a lesbian, butch dyke, etc etc.

There's nothing more I can possibly do to look male. My voice, body, and face just give me away instantly.

It's very depressing

[Jeatyn]

I hate these situations. The hitting on me thing baffles me completely, because although I may not look male.....surely the way I dress and how short my hair is and the vibes I give off just scream "lesbian!"

The worst thing for me is when women strike up conversation with me at bus stops and stuff, about "bloody men" xD makes me feel so awkward

[Dominick_81]

I can totally relate and I hate it. My friend always gives me a hugs... I hate it!!!! He treats me just like a girl.... I hate it!!!! I'm sorry it's frustrating to think about it b/c he knows I'm trans and not treating me the way I want to be treated.

I always open doors for women, and to anyone, I hate when men open doors for me, I just hate it!  I think I hate it more when my friend does it b/c he knows I'm trans and still treating me like a girl.

[insideontheoutside]

A large percentage of "passing" is in the mind.

[Lee]

I can totally relate and I hate it. My friend always gives me a hugs... I hate it!!!!

I think this more depends on who's doing the hugging.  With my friends, everyone hugs when saying hi/bye, including the guys, so I don't tend to think of it as them treating me like a girl.  Same goes for holding doors.  There's one guy who won't let any of the girls (or me) hold doors, carry things, etc even when it's more of a hassle for him to do it, which does bother me.  Other than that, I think it's just being nice.

[Dominick_81]

I think this more depends on who's doing the hugging.  With my friends, everyone hugs when saying hi/bye, including the guys, so I don't tend to think of it as them treating me like a girl.  Same goes for holding doors.  There's one guy who won't let any of the girls (or me) hold doors, carry things, etc even when it's more of a hassle for him to do it, which does bother me.  Other than that, I think it's just being nice.

He started hugging b/c he saw my other friend hug me all the time, (and at the time my friend didn't know I was trans... I jus told him yesterday),but my other friend, he said to me...." should we just shake hands now or still hug?" I said I didn't know. Cause I know it would be weird for him to hug another guy. He's not gay, he doesn't want to hug another guy. I'm not saying straight guys are gay when they hug each other. The hug he gives me is different then how straight guys would hug each other, and he shakes my friends hand instead of giving him a hug, why can't he shake my hand instead of a hug? I'd prefer a shake then a hug. I feel like a girl when he gives me a hug. Because girls hug each other, guys tend not too.

[Yakshini]

Because I lack decent supplies (no packer, binder, etc) I tend to not pass at all, even when I try. I just let myself know that soon enough, that will change. I don't get offended when people misgender me because to most people boobs=girl, and there is no point in getting angry about something just because people assume you happen to be like the vast majority of people. I understand that people are going to treat me like a girl for as long as they see me as a girl. The only way you can really prevent it is by strongly showing your masculine behaviours. If you can't pass physically, work extra hard to pass with your behaviour and mannerisms.

[JohnAlex]

Oh, I totally know what that's like.  I will dress as a guy and I wear baggy clothes, so you can't even see i have breasts.  I look at myself in the mirror and smile because I think I look like a guy.
But then NO ONE who sees me seems to think so.   I get hit on by guys sometimes at the bus stop, and that's before I've even said anything, so it's not like my voice gave it away.
I don't know what to do about it.  I don't think I look like a girl.  I don't know what's giving it away.

[Marvel]

I used to pass 80% of the time, but  that percentage has been going down, wearing 2 binders, short hair, masculine clothing, none could help anymore, I had reached rock botton, where nothing was helping anymore. i am on T now, and just want the changes to be as fast as possible, and hopefully chest surgery one day. its all i can think about, i'm past the stage where pre T and pre everything used to help me pass.

i still do spend hours choosing the right clothes, the right haircut, spen a lot of time and energy masculinising myself and still get some people perceiving me as a girl. Its a frustrating and defeating feeling.

[Vin]

I can relate so completely. I don't pass very often, I hate when I get called "love" or "babe" or a million and one other little pet names that if I was a cisguy they wouldn't even dream of it.

[mistergutsy]

A large percentage of "passing" is in the mind.

Tell that to the guys that beat me up in a mens restroom.
I get what your saying... I'm a totally confident person but I just wish society followed that guideline too...


Anyway, the worst is when my wife and I get called "ladies" when we are out. I've just gotten used to correcting people and then hearing a hundred awkward apologies...
I've just accepted that most people arn't trying to offend you... they just don't know what else to say.

[xAndrewx]

I've just accepted that most people arn't trying to offend you... they just don't know what else to say.

That's true too. I've noticed that passing can also depend on where you're at. I live in a big city with alot of very masculine lesbians & people go out of their way to call me ma'am sometimes because many masculine woman get very offended and some even get angry/rude when misgendered. Where as in small towns where people don't see a lot of masculine women I tend to get called male more often.

[xander]

I have an incredibly sexist Nigerian housemate.
I COMEPLTELY understand.

He almost yelled at me one day because I told himb"No, I'm not a princess I'm more of a tomboy".
He takes my skates and tools off me when I've worked on them while he has been in the room. Because "that's a mans job".

[LordKAT]

I can relate so completely. I don't pass very often, I hate when I get called "love" or "babe" or a million and one other little pet names that if I was a cisguy they wouldn't even dream of it.

Terms of endearment are used by many women to any and all. It used to bother me until I noticed that I can be inline with a number of other guys and each will get called one, not just me.

[Nygeel]

I don't pass. I hate when people say misogynistic bull ->-bleeped-<- to me like "you're too beautiful to be frowning" as if they're commanding me to smile. I'm not a princess, I'm not a "sweetie" or any of that crap. Next time anybody says something like that I'm going to flip a ->-bleeped-<- and get in their face.
"you're too beautiful to be frowning"
"WELL MAYBE MY BEST FRIEND DIED! MAYBE MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO FILLED WITH SHIZZ LATELY FROM BEING MISGENDERED AND DEALING WITH A-HOLES TELLING ME TO EFFIN' SMILE THAT ALL I WANT TO DO IS FURROW MY BROW  AND BE PISSED OFF!"

My bet is they won't do it again, but I could be wrong.

[gilligan]

I only pass when I don't have to talk. As long as I don't speak, I can pass, but 99% situations I encounter require words to come out of my mouth - even if only I common courtesy to a stranger. I don't want to be rude.

[N.Chaos]

The part that pisses me off the most is that I passed better before I was trying.
Two years ago I was on a bus with my best friend, with my mohawk up and some little kid goes "Mommy, I want my hair like that!"
His mom goes "Yeah, he looks like a rockstar doesn't he?"

I just don't get it, though. My voice is so deep, I've actually gotten ->-bleeped-<- for it before. My hair's not girly, my clothes aren't, most of the time I'm out I'm wearing combat boots and a trench coat that completely hides my chest.