->-bleeped-<-dar

[kimberrrly]

Hi !! The funny thing is... I have a gaydar.... I can tell quite well if someone is gay or not...
and to some extend I have a ->-bleeped-<-dar...
You know one time... I even FELT a ->-bleeped-<- in my presence WITHOUT looking up...
I was looking at the floor and I felt this person walking by several meters away from me and I was like:
"Oh god, ->-bleeped-<- alert"
and she turned out to be TS...
Thats bizarre right?

And I know guys that like TS have a special radar for ->-bleeped-<-s...
BUT
and here comes!

I do not have a radar for them!
I can't tell if a guy might like me because I am a TS, and I usually cannot really tell bisexual guys from heterosexual guys...
and I certainly don't have a radar for straight men that are OK with TS woman...

So I guess in daily life that makes me the hunted instead of the hunter...
But that goes well with my femininity so no problem...

[Lee]

My gaydar is usually great, but I have absolutely no transdar.
I still haven't met anyone outside my FtM group that I know is trans.  Oh well, I don't really care anyways, so it's not a big issue.  Gaydar comes in handy sometimes though. I think my favorite time was when I was at a club, and a friend of mine came over looking dejected.  Ends up she wanted to dance with this one guy but was rejected.  I looked over at him and told her that he's gay, so she shouldn't take it personally.  She didn't believe me until later that night, when she saw him dancing with another guy. 

[MarinaM]

I strip the term and call it T-Dar. Mine has stopped working to a degree since coming out and getting help.

I find being called a ->-bleeped-<- to be offensive, mostly because it lumps me into several categories that I don't really fit into. I'm also a hypocrite, and will allow my very best friends to get away with it - as a term of endearment. Trans woman I can handle. I'd rather just be called by my name or some generic identifier.

[Renard]

I don't have much of a 'transdar', as far as I know. I don't know any other transsexual people in real life yet, and besides, it's not like I'd wander up and ask them about it even if I did get a bleep on my radar xD

However, my gaydar is in pretty good working condition I grew up - and still live - in what is basically my city's 'gay central', so I think I had a bit of an advantage there.

[emoboi]

I don't find that word to be that offensive but I know other people may not like it, but I am not using it in a derogatory fashion.

[emoboi]

I personally use that first word to describe myself but I do understand why it would be bothersome.


I see people often who look like they might be starting transition but I'm in a city full of some feminine men and some incredibly masculine women. I do understand how you might want to feel like your not the only trans person around. Emoboi do you have a glbt group you could go to?

There is a gsa at my school but I do not feel comfortable going there because I am not out. I do not think there are any other glbt groups in my area.

[Devlyn]

I visit another girls site, she uses the term "T-dar" as well, I think it sounds nicer.

[RachelH]

I am making the occasional spots when I've met some people. However, there is a lesbian at work, and she is constantly asking me if I'm gay, and is absolutely convinced I am. It's making me laugh so much as her gaydar is obviously getting a major ping on me, but not quite right!! I might have to put her out of a misery at some point; it could be good to let her in on the secret.

[Northern Jane]

I REALLY dislike this "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" attitude! We all strive for acceptance and respect and "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" totally feeds in to discrimination and prejudice - it makes no difference if we do it to each other or if some "norm" does it - it is still demeaning to the person involved.

[My Name Is Ellie]

People think they can but really they can't, or it's based on effed up cissexist ideas.

This, a thousand times.

My dad's always pointing out gay people saying they must be gay. But unless you actually asked them, there's no way of knowing your "gaydar" even works. If you're just seeing a lot of people you assume to be gay, perhaps you should stop making assumptions on first glances? I don't mean that in a mean way. It just seems... I dunno, somewhat silly going out and pointing at people and saying "ha! you're gay and I know it!" (Or trans, whichever radar you're using :p)

[Janet_Girl]

I REALLY dislike this "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" attitude! We all strive for acceptance and respect and "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" totally feeds in to discrimination and prejudice - it makes no difference if we do it to each other or if some "norm" does it - it is still demeaning to the person involved.

I don't know about the others, but I don't play that game.  They blip on my radar and I just make note.  I will not point out or approach a brother or sister, unless I personally know them.  And then it would "Hey.  How have you been?"

[V M]

I don't know about the others, but I don't play that game.  They blip on my radar and I just make note.  I will not point out or approach a brother or sister, unless I personally know them.  And then it would "Hey.  How have you been?"

Thank you Janet, this explanation is much more palatable 

[wheat thins are delicious]

I REALLY dislike this "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" attitude! We all strive for acceptance and respect and "spot the ->-bleeped-<-" totally feeds in to discrimination and prejudice - it makes no difference if we do it to each other or if some "norm" does it - it is still demeaning to the person involved.

Said a lot better than I did.  Plus the term ->-bleeped-<- is really offensive and derogatory. 

[E]

Said a lot better than I did.  Plus the term ->-bleeped-<- is really offensive and derogatory.

I agree on both counts.

That said, however, what "transdar" I might have mostly consists of me looking at women and men and noting traits that do not conform to gender stereotypes. This I do, not in order to spot "->-bleeped-<-s", but in order to spot women with masculine features similar to my own, in an attempt to improve my own self-esteem - "Hey, she's got the same [whatever] as me, and she's got no problems passing!" Of course, if I spot a man with feminine features, I experience the opposite - and find my dysphoria getting triggered.

A side-effect of this hypersensitivity to gender cues is that I occasionally spot someone I wonder if might be trans. So, in essence, my "transdar" is a side-effect of something quite different.

However, mainly I just find that most women, trans or not, have some typically-male features, and vice versa.

[wheat thins are delicious]

But I would still not call that transdar.  A woman with masculine features does not neccesarily equal she's trans or gender variant. 

[E]

But I would still not call that transdar.  A woman with masculine features does not neccesarily equal she's trans or gender variant.

No, indeed - it's just more likely. That's why I put the term "transdar" in quotes .

[kyril]

This, a thousand times.

My dad's always pointing out gay people saying they must be gay. But unless you actually asked them, there's no way of knowing your "gaydar" even works. If you're just seeing a lot of people you assume to be gay, perhaps you should stop making assumptions on first glances? I don't mean that in a mean way. It just seems... I dunno, somewhat silly going out and pointing at people and saying "ha! you're gay and I know it!" (Or trans, whichever radar you're using :p)

Well, I am gay, so my gaydar has a purpose (how would we ever get together if we couldn't recognize each other? And it's a safety issue too, if you're male, you just don't hit on straight guys.)

Spotting trans and gay people just to spot them...kind of offensive. Especially if you're pointing them out to other people. That's basher behaviour.

[emoboi]

I don't know why everyone has to make something negative, I was totally not using it in a negative way.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I don't know why everyone has to make something negative, I was totally not using it in a negative way.

You may have not meant it negatively but there are a lot of negative connotations with the word "->-bleeped-<-".  Not to mention the whole "can you tell a trans person based on looks only" thing.

[My Name Is Ellie]

On the top of things it sounds a fun and playful thing but deep down it's based on beliefs that people can "look" like things and that just really annoys me, sorry for being so negative. I know so many camp straight dudes, feminine men, manly women, etc that I don't think it's even possible to tell any more these days. That's just me though!