For us the biggest unknown, and hence fear, is our sex life. I have always been heterosexual; we had a happy active sex life as a het couple. I am open to being sexual with my mtf wife; I think she is beautiful, enjoy kissing etc, but she recently had the "plumbing" changed out, and so far we haven't had sex. When it is completely healed, like in 6 months or a year, we'll see. She THINKS she will be orgasmic but it will be different and she can't say for certain; I THINK I'll be able to make love to the new arrangement, but again, no guarantees. I have a very open mind; I think we'll work it out. It may be awkward at first, like kids again, I suppose.
We aren't having any trouble with the assignment of roles in the household. She likes to clean; I don't. I work outside; she doesn't. She lights the fires; I pay the bills. We pretty much just do the same things we have always done, though there is more of a sense that I am "in charge" whereas it used to be more her.
We don't mind being seen as a lesbian couple - rather like it in fact. I kind of like relying on my old sense of hetero privilege and walking arm-in-arm or holding hands. I figure that people in our liberal city (Seattle) can handle it. We don't see many other same sex couples displaying affection openly, but maybe our example can encourage others to be more open. Our families and friends have been great. We have enough money to handle the surgeries. We feel very blessed along those lines.
Another rather odd seeming fear has come up lately for me. I am facing my own sense of gender questioning. Rather suddenly, I find myself asking if I would be happier as a male. I have always been a fairly confident, fairly successful female with a slightly masculine attitude about some things. As this question presents itself, I guess I am afraid that it won't go away. I don't want to be caught wondering if I am gender dysphoric. I have been immersed in teh trans for the better part of two years now. I am looking forward to getting back to life as normal in the next few months when C completes her transition and moves back to our main home. I just hope this vague gender questioning recedes and lets me feel like my old self again.
