I feel like my breakup broke me?

[Terra89]

So this last week my girlfriend and I broke up.  To spare you a long story my gf is leaving the country is using me as a safety net so I had to break up with her for that among other reasons that were unacceptable.  In any case the next day, i had 3 relatives die all of different things, so its like a wtf kind of thing.  Since then I've felt kind of numb? Like i was going to ask for my endo letter at this next therapy session in a couple days but now i just feel kind of meh towards anything.  My dysphoria episodes have halted and i just dont feel anything right now so im not sure how to proceed?  Everyones been trying to talk me out of doing it already so when I feel like this kind of hard to argue.. I dunno =/

[Janet_Girl]

So much has happened to you, Terra.  And those things can cause dysphoria to recede, but when it comes back it will be with a vengeance.

My advise is to continue.  If not you will be miserable later, and you will regret not going now.  I know because I backed off 20 plus years ago, if I had stayed the course, I would be post-op by now.

Stay the course.  Don't give up.

[Terra89]

Thanks ;3.  I could use a pick me up.  This would just be so much easier if i was like some of you who hate their male selves so much.  I don't hate myself, i just feel the female side is winning and has a ton of momentum... idk sorry think ill nap it off.

[Jennie]

Hi Terra, Janet Lynn hit it right on the head, it is all that has happened that has made your dysphoria recede to the point that you do not feel it or at least not as much.
I remember when a certain thing happened to me that made me very happy not happy like starting HRT happy but happy none the less, this happy feeling made my dysphoria recede too and then yes it came back, it did not stay away very long either, about a week and then it came back and stronger too as if to say hay i'm back how dare you try to get rid of me.
I am sorry to hear about your relatives, I hope things get better for you.
As for your question, I would not make any major decisions for a while.
Hugs and hugs and more hugs and some aloha too, take care and I hope you feel much better soon, aloha nui loa.

Jennie

[rejennyrated]

There are a couple of almost golden rules in this world.

1. It doesn't go away. It just hides for a time when you either have other things going down, or are facing some sustained opposition. In such times it is easy to kid yourself that you can managed the condition and that it will be easier to be what you were born as. I did it myself in my late teens and very early twenties after my first "therapist" opposed me. Fact is, it only works for VERY VERY few people.

2. Almost all of us wish we had transitioned earlier and regret the lost opportunities when we "foolishly turned back." I finally made it through to SRS in my mid twenties. I passionately wish I had done it in my teens as I had the opportunity to do. Back then such opportunities were rarer than hens teeth - and to think I was the idiot who threw one away makes me furious.

[justmeinoz]

Sorry to here you have had such an awful time.  It will get better eventually, but I can understand you must be feeling  lost.
We are all here for you to have a rant at about the world. I had to crash and burn in a big way before I realised I had GID, so knowing who you are is a start.
Keeping to your usual routine can help give some stability, so if you have an appointmentI would personally keep it, and any other immediate plans too.
Big Virtual Hugs sis.
Karen (previously Sandra).

[Staci3336]

This would just be so much easier if i was like some of you who hate their male selves so much.  I don't hate myself,

Hi Terra, sorry to here about your troubles, I just wanted to pipe in as I had a similar experience a long time ago. I saw your quote and had to comment. I feel that we often look for reasons to not accept who we really are. I know for me I was months into transition and was feeling pretty good about accepting who I am. Then 1 visit to a new psycologist that my mom made me see ( I had already been in therapy with a gender therapist for 2 years at the time) set the question in my head, and gave me my excuse to not accept it again. All he said was "you have been happy and succesful living as a man for all these year" I couldn't argue, I didn't hate myself?  But here I am again 16 years later still wanting to be a girl! If you feel you need to take a breather in your transition I'd say do it, but just realize that the GID will come back.