A long time ago my mom and I were very close. I remember when I was six years old and I would fight my sister about who got to cuddle up beside her on the couch. But as I grew up, we grew apart. Two years ago I finally found the courage to tell my mom I was trans which was like the scariest thing I've ever done, seriously though she actually guessed before I could give her the note. She called me at work that day and told me that everything was going to be okay.
During those two years my mom has said some very hurtful things, like during one conversation she put me off by saying she wanted to be a princess but that doesn't mean she is one. Even thinking about these moments brings me close to tears, which is hard because testosterone has rather changed the amount I cry these days and for how long.
Anyways it just feels like I'm losing the last bit of family I have left. I don't have any relationship with my relatives any more. My sister and I no longer talk because during a time when I was at my lowest and at the edge of suicide (which she was well aware of), she told me I had no idea what pain was. I wanted to commit suicide more than ever after hearing it just to shove it down her throat! My dad was abusive to me growing up, and is a racist homophobe who constantly spits on what I believe in and actually spat in my face, after I had given him a beer while working on the roof, and knowing I'm straight edge (don't even touch alcohol!) spit it back in my face. So obviously we don't talk, and that's not even close to the whole story with the two of them. I got my sisters nephew, but I mean he's 3, he's not exactly someone I can rely on or talk to about this stuff.
My mom's all I have left for family. The fact she never protected me from my fathers abuse or continues to hurt me with the things she says makes me wonder why I still consider her family. I'm not really sure what I can do. I don't really have anyone to talk to. She can be accepting at times, but it's the fact that she's not supportive that really bothers me! I don't believe family is blood, but after dwindling down to my last friend and then losing that relationship too, I seriously have no one.
Anyone have any advice on this sort of thing, or their on story with their parents or somebody they deeply cared for? I mean I don't know if I deeply care for her anymore... it's just fear of being alone. I tried to get closer to her in the two years I've been out by even including her into my gender therapy but after it didn't work out and she yelled at me for wasting her time after visiting CAMH and not wanting to go back. (CAMH is a gender clinic in Toronto, Ontario, they try to make you like your gender, or call you depressed or say it's a fetish, whatever bull->-bleeped-<- comes to mind, which I didn't learn until after a five hour interview and that night reading about them online!)
So anyone, you're help would be greatly appreciated, or just your support.
