More Attention from Gay/Bi Men?

[Heath]

Hey ya'll!

So, this week I'm in Southern California for spring break.  I normally go to school in Northern Cali (past San Fransisco).  Even before I started taking testosterone (in December) I was passing as male here in SoCal.  One time I got pegged as androgynous, which was totally cool with me - better than getting read as female at least. 

However, I've noticed an increased amount of attention both here and in Northern Cali from gay and bi men.  I'm wondering, does this have something to do with pheromones or something?!  Just kidding about that last part, but in all seriousness this is strange to me.  Pre-T I always got the feeling that gay men were humoring me and "playing along" with my gender ID, but it seems like now, I pass 100% to these men and they are genuinely surprised if/when I come out to them.  I came out to one gay guy tonight and before I did he was telling me how cute he thought I was and how he liked me, but once I came out he acted a bit different (more friendly, less flirty) and slipped and called me "girlfriend."  I thought it was interesting from a sociological perspective.  It's so difficult for me to pass in NorCal, but maybe that's because there are more traditional types there and there is more of a variety of people in SoCal.

I've always been attracted to gay and bi men because most of them have a different mentality than straight men and for me, that's a huge turn on, but they never gave me the time of day before....now it seems like I'm fighting them off with a stick while women (no matter what their orientation) have been avoiding me like the plague (I'm pansexual). WTF?

Meh, I'm just wondering what your experiences have been.  How far along in your transition did you notice gay and bi men were hitting on you?  How do you feel about it? 

[straightedgechris]

This has been happening to me too. i'm completely invisible to women; i still automatically smile at women i read as being lesbian, just out of habit i guess lol, and they sneer at me: "why is that boy smiling at me??"

Now that  longterm lesbian relationship has ended I am going out a little bit & noticing gay guys are attracted to me; which is fine as I've always been Bi. Its a strange new world to navigate! i'm having trouble figuring out when to disclose; 'hi I'm Chris and I'm Trans!' may be to soon--maybe not. Still figuring this out.

Good luck man!

[Sly]

I've noticed this, but figured it was just because I've been involved in the LGBT community since coming out.  Since most of the women in that community are lesbians, it makes sense that I wouldn't be attracting their attention as much.  Granted I'm not on T yet, but I still look mostly male, and kind of twinkish I guess... so maybe the guys find that attractive.
I also notice I get a lot of looks from young girls.  Like 13 to 15ish... not interested in that, but I find it kind of funny.

[Ender]

I haven't noticed this, but then again I don't think there are many gay/bi men where I live and still fewer who are open about it.

Women (women in my age group--20's) don't give me a second glance.  I think teenage girls kinda do, though I'm not sure if it's just because they can't figure out what sex I am or if it's because they think they see a teenage boy.  (Uh, is it typical for one girl to look, talk to her friend, and then they're both looking?  'Cuz it makes me feel like a circus sideshow attraction.)  At any rate, I'm not interested in teenagers who are practically 10 years younger than me.

[Heath]

Always glad to know I'm not alone in this!  It's so WEIRD though! I mean I thought taking testosterone would make me more attractive to straight and bi women.  I guess maybe the problem is that I'm so painfully shy that I never make the first move and it just seems as though women approve of men invading their personal space and making stupid jokes and it's really not my style.  With gay and bi men, there just doesn't seem to be as much (or any) pressure to be flirtatious.  Oyyyyy....

xchrisx: That's my problem too! When do I disclose the whole "Yo-I-Was-a-Female-Assigned-at-Birth" part?  I'm doing my best to figure it out....

Sylvester: Twinkish?!  Haha! And wow about the barely-teenage girls giving you attention...though it doesn't totally surprise me as you look pretty young.

Ender: The girls COULD think you're cute, but then again they could also be trying to figure out what to peg you as.  It's difficult to know.

[Da Monkey]

When I first moved to this city where no one knows about me, the first friend I made was a gay guy. It isn't obvious at all though. He is very "yo sup bro" and fist bumps and whatnot. He comes over sometimes to drink and he ended up telling me when we were drunk together. He doesn't hit on me or anything though. But I've gotten almost black-out drunk around him and I feel like I outted myself to him but I really have no idea and he hasn't asked anything yet.

Regardless, even though I have a girlfriend and am not interested even looking at other people, no one seems to take any sort of glance or interest in me hahah.

[Nygeel]

I'm not passing at all but I can take a guess. In my experience and the knowledge I have about trans men is that some guys have some...I guess naturally "feminine" traits. A walk, vocal pattern, ways of socializing, etc. When we are pre-T or are very concerned about being read as male we retrain ourselves to act a different way. Once we're more comfortable with ourselves or are not as concerned about being read as male it's possible that we let these "feminine" traits appear. That combined with pheromones could be possible reasons why gay men start paying attention to trans guys that are on T.

[Zebracon]

Yeah thats defenitely happening to me as well.
I'm actually get more attention from both genders haha.
But I just shrug and say 'what are ya gonna do?'

[Thatman]

thinking back now i realize that i got attention from gay/bi guys pre-T, but in talking to my fiance and some friends apparently I was fairly passable even then. The only instance I know of since T would be at a recent party where 4 gay guys had no clue, at least one admitted he was checking me out before he found out. But I've been with my girl so long I never notice any more if someones looking at me or even hitting on me. She says that a lot of women look at me now, but I think if they are its probably due more to the fact that I have more self-confidence then I did before than it has to do with my looks. I think in general most people (male, female gay straight whatever) are attracted to people with confidence more so than people that aren't. So perhaps that explains some of why you are being hit on or checked out more in general.

[tekla]

women approve of men invading their personal space and making stupid jokes and it's really not my style. 

Women tend to fancy attention, and ignore those who don't give it to them.

[N.Chaos]

I also notice I get a lot of looks from young girls.  Like 13 to 15ish... not interested in that, but I find it kind of funny.

LOL, that happens to my best friend too! What the hell is with that? He's a little freaked out by it, I just think it's hilarious though. I tell him that Arby's uniforms are gonna start cropping up in the middle schools because of it (It usually only happens while he's at work).

I've got no input for this, really. I don't hardly go out, so I can't say who (if anyone) has been attracted to me. I know that a lot of times online in the past though, a lot of girls have been attracted to me (I've always kept my gender either male or undisclosed on sites). So, that's pretty awesome.

[Sly]

LOL, that happens to my best friend too! What the hell is with that? He's a little freaked out by it, I just think it's hilarious though. I tell him that Arby's uniforms are gonna start cropping up in the middle schools because of it (It usually only happens while he's at work).

I've got no input for this, really. I don't hardly go out, so I can't say who (if anyone) has been attracted to me. I know that a lot of times online in the past though, a lot of girls have been attracted to me (I've always kept my gender either male or undisclosed on sites). So, that's pretty awesome.

Ha, I'm not the only one!  I shouldn't be surprised really... I mean, I'm a young looking guy with a mohawk and eyeliner.  Seems like the younger girls are more interested in 'bad boys.'  Especially with the Twilight craze... sorry dears, I'm not a sparkly abusive vampire. <3  I can see how that would make them attracted to you too.

[N.Chaos]

Lol, good god the Twilight crap X_X.
Yeah, you're not alone man. It's just too funny though...actually, talking about mohawks I never really had anyone be attracted to me but for some reason little kids were OBSESSED with it.

One of the cutest things that ever happened to me, I was on the bus and a guy with this 1 or 2 year old gets on behind me and I feel something lightly tugging my spikes. I turned around and there's this ridiculously adorable little baby, poking my massive mohawk with the hugest grin on his little face. It made my day.

[Heath]

It's interesting reading everyone's perspectives on this, that's for sure.  I suppose it's a strange ebb and flow of attraction in terms of what crowds are drawn to you, and also depends on your geographical location too I'm sure.

N.Chaos: That's such a cute story!  I bet that baby was super intrigued.

[Gabby]

I guess maybe the problem is that I'm so painfully shy that I never make the first move and it just seems as though women approve of men invading their personal space and making stupid jokes and it's really not my style. 

xchrisx: That's my problem too! When do I disclose the whole "Yo-I-Was-a-Female-Assigned-at-Birth" part?  I'm doing my best to figure it out....

Awwww you don't need stupid jokes or invasion (lol), just go and chat to any women you're attracted too always keep it light, light is key things will progress naturally no need to force anything, if they don't like you or are full of themselves they're not worth knowing

About telling people about being born a different gender it always depends on what kind of connection I'm feeling, it's a deeper connection then they get to know pretty quick, no real connection there's no need for them too ever know in my book

[N.Chaos]

It's interesting reading everyone's perspectives on this, that's for sure.  I suppose it's a strange ebb and flow of attraction in terms of what crowds are drawn to you, and also depends on your geographical location too I'm sure.

N.Chaos: That's such a cute story!  I bet that baby was super intrigued.

Oh god, it was adorable. I still smile every time I think about it.
That's a good point, a few years ago when I was in New Jersey I had random girls checking me out even before I was concsciously trying to pass. Around here, most people leave me alone (or look at me weird in general, but I'll chalk that one up to how I dress/look).

[Lee]

I haven't noticed more attention from men, but the number of women has definitely gone up.  With the people I meet just randomly, I would guess that the majority of them are lesbians, so I'm not exactly thrilled about being seen as someone to hit on.  However, a couple of straight friends of mine have been a little...handsy lately. 

[N.Chaos]

I don't know Lee, I haven't seen you IRL but from your picture you look a lot like a guy I saw/kind of knew in college, and he seemed to attract a lot of girls.