Sometimes find women annoying?

[lancem27]

Never had that problem as a dyke. But as soon as I transitioned, my girlfriend started calling me "->-bleeped-<-" a lot. Sometimes I probably deserved it, but other times I was just being the same ol' person I always was, just male-identified. She would assume I'd act like ->-bleeped-<- guys on TV once I started T, she really believes that this is how men are and it was rough to deal with.

(edited for clarity)

[annette]

Well guys, it seems to me that the T is working.lol

hugs
annette( another annoying bitch)

[lancem27]

Annette,

I am very sorry that this thread was offensive to you. I can only speak for myself, but I do not believe any of these things to be true about ALL women. I wasn't venting about women, I was venting about how there are things I can no longer do as a guy that I was once able to do as a girl. It's frustrating to me because I'm still ME, but when she began seeing me as a man she treated me completely differently, and it hurt. Not to say I was perfect, sometimes I did act like a stereotypical dude if I was insecure, but generally I was the same person and she saw me completely different. It was hurtful. But I suppose it comes with a new gender role.

Also a disclaimer for the guys: it is NOT worth losing her if she says you don't pay enough attention to her. When she leaves, you are really, REALLY going to wish you had listened and given her what she wanted. Take it from someone who knows. Go patch it up before it's too late.

[Thatman]

@ annette
I really hope none of this offended you in anyway, that is not my intention at all. Simply put i don't have an interest in girly type things not that i ever did, just now i cant even really try to care because she does. and i don't understand why SOME females play the read between the lines thing. And as previously posted i feel like even some of the things that i have always done and said in the exact same way are being taken differently simply because I am a male. If you have any advice or insight into this it would be GREATLY appreciated. I want to make my fiance happy, but unfortunately I don't know what I need to do. She's not one to give me a straight answer if I were to ask. So again, I sincerely apologize if you were offended in anyway or if anyone else was for that matter. But advice is what I really need, from a female prospective which i apparently dont have lol. Thank you.

[Lachlann]

It's not about male or female advice. It's about knowing that individual person. That's the first and biggest mistake people make when trying to figure out the 'opposite sex.'

Some women wont give you a straight answer, but there are a lot of men like that too. Some people simply like to conform to ridiculous stereotypes but it doesn't strip away their individuality. And on that note, one of the reasons why women are wary of men is because it's been beaten into their brain that men often hurt and target women and they feel they have to protect themselves from that.

Communication is key, not the gender. If she wont give you a straight answer then there is a failure to communicate properly either on your end or hers.

Think of it this way... you're a man, right? You can't possibly speak for every man and you can only just regurgitate stereotypes that aren't often true. We're not all born with the same blueprint, we have varying interests, temperaments, personalities, etc... There is no one way to be a man or act like a man. The same is true for women.

[PixieBoy]

I find most guys easier to talk to and understand. Girls are "flighty", like a cloud rather than a rock. Girls use metaphors and hidden meanings and many subtleties that I just don't get. Then again, guys do too, but not as much. A giggling gaggle of girls (sorry, I had to alliterate that) can be quite annoying, but a group of macho teenage guys can also be annoying. Then again, I'm an aspie, so I suppose it's simply a communication problem.

[SurlyCat]

Some girls annoy me, most confuse me.

I find it annoying when, as mentioned in a previous thread, a couple of girls I know follow me to the toilet so they can gossip, generally about how horrible guys are. And speaking of womens toilets - why, why, WHY do women go in there and spray horrible body spray everywhere? It stinks, it makes me cough, it sticks in my mouth and at the back of my throat. It's disgusting. In fact - why does body spray even exist? It's not deoderant - it makes skin sticky and actually (in my opinion) makes sweat smell worse. It's not perfume, either. Bleh!

Woman clothes annoy me as well. I'm a really short guy. Guy clothes don't fit. I also don't have the money at the moment to find guy clothes that do fit. Why make the fly so short? Why such small pockets? Why do the majority of female cargos have no side pockets?! It seems that very little female clothing is even the slightest bit practical.

Girls want to include me in gossiping. They want to try and talk about guys, clothes and stuff I'm not bothered about. They get offended when I'm not too bothered, or if I take the side of the guy. For example, as mentioned in a previous thread, a girl I know was bitching horrifically about her sort-of boyfriend, simply because he'd sent her a really nice text. She complained that he was being too nice to her. She was asking how to deal with the nice text without "encouraging" that sort of behaviour - god forbid any guy be nice! The other lass there was telling her to ignore him, or just laugh at him. I pointed out that he was just being nice, and if she wasn't into that, then just to be honest with him, and that there was no need to be obviously nasty to the poor man. I was looked at as if I'd just grown three heads and kicked a puppy. What's wrong with honesty?

I just don't get why a lot of women seem to think guy = ->-bleeped-<-. I especially don't get why, when a guy is being nice, he's even more of an ->-bleeped-<-.

Bizarre. And I'm not even on T.

[N.Chaos]

I find most guys easier to talk to and understand. Girls are "flighty", like a cloud rather than a rock. Girls use metaphors and hidden meanings and many subtleties that I just don't get.

Ehhh...I wouldn't be so sure. Maybe the reason I've disliked most of the girls I met was because they've been stupid or something, because the way I talk is chock-full of metaphors and weird references and I'm a massive fan of five-hour long philosophical rants on nothing, and most of them have just looked at me like "huh?" (my girlfriend included, for the most part).

Alternately, my best friend and me do this on a near constant basis. A great night for us is sitting in the dark with my iPod going, debating something or other or talking about are weird little personalities.


@Surly, THE ->-bleeped-<-ING GOSSIP.
Good god the GOSSIP.

My girlfriend is pretty laid back, acts like a mix between a kid and an adorable little tomboy most of the time and STILL, if she runs into a girl she hates the first thing she'll say is "And oh my god she got FAT".

...For reference, my girlfriend is 290 lbs. I'm not much better. To me, that's like saying "OH MY GOD JOHN HAS EYEBALLS WHAT THE HELL?!"
Luckily though, she can take a joke about it because I pick on her constantly about it. Especially when she's complaining about supervisors at work, I'll just ask her in a bad Valley-girl impersonation "OMG DID LADONNA GET FAAAAAAT?"
It's fun.

The bathroom thing...the body spray doesn't bug me, I can pull my shirt over my face and be good. What always bothered me was the "Hey guys, lets go to the bathroom in a MASSIVE CLUSTER->-bleeped-<- GROUP and just STAND THERE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR".
I don't mind going in the bathroom with someone else, don't mind if you're in the middle of a conversation and it continues, but it's like some women use the bathroom as a social experience or something. Which, to me at least, is creepy as all hell.

[SurlyCat]

N.Chaos - Yeah, crazy double standards! The lasses I hang out with primarily complain about guys, often guys we all know, and are so horrible about it. All us guys are pretty unimpressed with the two main girls in the group at the minute. It's just downright nasty, a lot of it. They complain about guys being heartless ->-bleeped-<-s, then if one DARES to be nice to either of them, then they obviously want something, or are just general ->-bleeped-<-s for being nice. *shrug* Guys are so much simpler. We can have a good debate on something, or just sit and talk about boobs and farts, and crack horrific jokes. If the lasses are around, then all they do is complain, and we get tutted at for approving of boobs, farts and sick jokes. ¬¬

I just don't want people coming with me to the bathroom, it seems odd. I want to go in, pee or poo, wash my hands, leave. I don't want to have to discuss life with anyone whilst doing it, I don't want to have to then wait about for the others to finish up, or stare in the mirror for half an hour. Womens toilets make me uncomfortable, I don't want to spend longer in there.

I saw a group of lasses taking photos of each other in some toilets the other day. Weird.

[annette]

OOhh my dear friends

Off course it wasn't offensive.
I was just joking about the man's talk.
No, don't you worry about offensivity, I know how annoying women's talk can be for men.

I really didn't mean it in a bad way, and I was just enjoying your talking.
And believe me, ask my better half, I can be an annoying bitch, at least this is what I hear sometimes. (lol)

Still love you friends

hugs
annette

[Renard]

Amen to the bathroom stuff. I don't get it, never have. One time back in in high school, I saw some girls studying in the washroom. Another time, I was about midway through doing what is people generally do in washrooms, when out of nowhere, somebody says "Hey, ____?" and strikes up a conversation. Between the stalls 

The thing that really bugs me, though, is how impractical some women can be. Sure, the furniture may look cute when it's arranged that way, but how do you walk through the room?

[Arch]

Well, I've made no secret of my issues with women. I'm sure that these problems stem from my mommy issues, my sexual orientation, my own years of self-loathing because I hated pretending to be a woman, and the inevitable assumption by women that I was one of them--so they talked to me as they would any woman, but I was not able to relate to them well. Made me feel like some kind of alien. I just didn't care about a lot of the things they did.

All the same, I've worked on these issues and seem to be making a little progress. But now my attempts to "get over it" are making life difficult for me because I decided to be friendly with this woman at work, and things are straying into very uncomfortable territory. I told her stuff that is common knowledge to anyone who knows me, but she apparently thought I was confiding in her. So now she is confiding in me and starting to ask me questions that I consider too personal but most people don't. Like, what does my middle initial stand for and how old am I really?

I'm starting to think that I must have a rather unorthodox view of what should be private and what shouldn't. I mean, my middle name is a matter of public record, so why keep it a secret? Well, it all ties in with my being trans. I took the name pre-transition, and it's a veiled reference to my trans status. Why be private about my age? It's listed on Intelius...except that people think I'm much younger than I am (because I'm trans), and that sometimes causes problems and gets me unwanted attention and questions.

At work, I seem to be closeted about everything: trans status, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, prior relationships, age...I've been working here less than two months, and the secrecy is already starting to wear me down. But in my eyes, it all starts and ends with this one woman. If I hadn't tried this little social experiment of trying to be friendly acquaintances with her, I would have much more control, and I would be much more comfortable. I just want her to stop. And because I recently had a similar "failed" friendship with a guy, I'm fairly sure that if she were a guy, I would have a different emotional response and would figure out what to do and say. It might take some thinking and a bit of diplomacy, but I would feel differently about the whole situation. Crowded? Yes. Wanting to leave/run away? Yes. Feeling impatient, put-upon, angry, and threatened? Nope.

[Wolf]

For some reason, though I do have good guy friends, but only those I have met on the net (even my age who live near me, just in other schools), in my life i've only ever really made friends with girls because all the guys used to pick on me in school cuz I was a weird geeky lesbian. They are better now, since I don't look so awkward and weird and ugly (as i see it), but it's too late to become good friends with those kind of people I know would gladly pick on the weak. I guess in this way, yes the ladies were bitchees some times but many maybe took pity on me and (ok that is a lot of bad self esteem there lol) yeah there is the gossip but those who I have not had feelings for have been pretty easy for me to get a long with.

The guys I am friends with are all pretty cool and good for a laugh, but I have not met many who I can have a serious conversation with- I think i'll meet that kind in Uni I hope, but I like my guys anyway and we go out on manly romps through the town, invading the park with our GOOD music trying to combat all the bad stuff the chavs blare out. The guys are generally into the stuff I am into as opposed to the girls which is a plus point of course.

That being said, I'm a very open listener. I tend to react to what happens than anything else, and I just enjoy listening and then giving advice, I guess patience at being that person has helped me understand them (ladies) a little better, and they seem to like it. Of course this gets me stuck with the nice guy label, and nice guys do not get girls as it seems

Lachlann has it right of course, it is more about individuals than gender but there are often trends between the two. I'm still sometimes stuck when they say a guy is being too nice, but I just laugh and tell them they should appreciate it and to remember when they were being a dick. I guess the role of listener, and knowing how to get people to open up, has put me in this kind of place where people just tell me stuff even if I don't really know them. If you are open with someone and tell them things they think is you confiding in them, as with Arch, people just go on and tell you stuff about them- its a very neat and easy psychological technique. Not that I'm manipulating people that way lol. . . Plus knowing a little about the ladies I get to help my lads out, and vice versa- though I can give my girl friends better advice about what a guy is  thinking than guy to the girls.

[insideontheoutside]

Well, the first thing I've seemed to notice over time is that women often judge people within seconds. Sometimes guys do that too, but I've found more guys will just be up-front, for lack of a better term when talking (save for the occasions where some guy is specifically trying to get with a girl or something like that where there is some "agenda" going on!). Either way, communication is complicated. Many women grow up believing that many men are only after "one thing" (that is, to have sex with you), which is kinda f**cked up IMO but even I heard that growing up from people like my own mom, etc. Women that get a lot of attention already often act a certain way too - either the attention goes right to their heads and they just expect men to fall all over them, or they start to hate it. There's definitely some men that fall into that category too if they have a huge ego or something.

So it's still individualized as far as communications go between people but there are some generalizations that can be noticed if you pay attention to that sort of thing.

Also, if you are dressed a certain way, people are often going to make assumptions, etc. based solely on your appearance. Sad that it has to be that way but it's a fact of society. Many people think I'm "just a kid" because of the way I dress sometimes. If you're one of those sideways baseball hat, saggy pants kinda guys, then people are going to make assumptions about that too. If you're a women who likes to wear short skirts and high heels, there's another assumption. It's unfortunate that people can't just dress/look how they want without some sort of "consequences" of people making assumptions sometimes.

I've done some personal experimenting just with the appearance stuff and I am most definitely treated differently depending on what I'm wearing a large percentage of the time. Not to mention that I'm often treated differently whether people think I'm male or female (that throws a whole other spin on things).

Nevertheless, let me sort of get back to the main topic of finding women annoying. I have found women annoying, I have found men annoying ... annoyance for me doesn't have a gender. I'm annoyed by people's actions, by ignorance, by ->-bleeped-<-ty comments, etc.

[cyanidearsenic]

I definitely get this (and I mean pretty much all of this).
I've never gotten along well with girls even though I was raised one. I'm not on T or anything (I actually haven't even started therapy yet) but it seems to me that the more 'out' I am, the less I can pretend to relate, if that makes any sense.
What I mean is, I always tried to at least pretend I had some mild interest in some things I don't actually (i.e. that today is the anniversary of you and your sixth boyfriend's 3rd date) though I just stated that I don't like others (i.e. perfume stinks, makeup is a waste of money, wallets are more convenient than purses, etc.). But now that most of my friends know that I'm a guy, I feel less inclined to try to follow something completely irrelevant to me. I follow enough to be polite but I'm not trying to pretend I'm really interested beyond the 'you're my friend and this is important to you so I'll listen' type interest.
Am I making sense here? Doesn't seem like it to me.
I won't discuss the gossip or the bathroom as a social meeting-place thing or I'll never stop writing.

[Da Monkey]

Hmmm, very interesting responses.

This girl I went to high school with was talking to me the other day and she said "it's nice because you're a guy but yet understand what it is like". And that doesn't offend me because it's true. I know getting your period sucks, I know breasts get in the way, I know having men saying "you could lose a few pounds" is degrading, I know I can relate to sexism towards women because I've been there. Because I've lived as a women -- it wasn't the worst thing in the world, it just wasn't for me.

Women like that I don't find annoying at all because even though they know I understand, they never mix up a pronoun or name. They also don't try to have a "girls night out" with me to talk about what clothes to buy, what brand of make up is better, which purse is more expensive blaw blaw blaw.

But that is from girls who know.

Girls who don't seem to automatically pin me as douche bag ->-bleeped-<-.

[Dennis]

I get it, but sometimes too late. My girlfriend and I had our biggest disagreement when we were at the pub. She said "I've got a bit of a headache and I'm going to sit in the truck for a while". What she meant was "hurry up and finish your beer, I want to go home.". I heard, "your designated driver will be waiting for you in your truck when you're done." (not the logical interpretation, but I had had a few)

I carried on drinking with the guys, went out to the truck and found my girl, my dog, and my truck keys had left (sounds like a country music song, doesn't it?). As it was 1 AM and I was wearing shorts in the spring, I elected to sleep in the truck (luckily she left it unlocked). So I curled up in the dog blanket until 3 AM when I realized it was too damn cold for that. So I ran the 2 km home, fuming all the way. At about 1.9 km, I realized that what she had meant was "finish your beer, I want to go home." So I sheepishly slept on the couch and when we got up the next day, I said "we're both mad at each other and we both have good reason to be, but I did honestly misunderstand what you meant." We glared at each other, laughed, and got over it. I did feel quite justified in being mad because she should've just said she wanted to go home, but that's the way women express themselves and I should've got that. Often women don't express their wishes directly because they're conditioned to avoid conflict, even though it makes sense to just say what you want.

Dennis

[Da Monkey]

Yeah see THAT is what I don't understand about women! THAT is what I find annoying.

I would have been pissed. But I see looking back all you can do is laugh about it.

[Darth_Taco]

Oh God, I needed this laugh today. If I weren't so tired I'd post my own stories. I'll just do it tomorrow. All I can say right now is that I am so glad that I'm gay.

[tekla]

talk about what clothes to buy, what brand of make up is better, which purse is more expensive
Yeah, cause that's a real downgrade from which microbrewery has the most alcohol in it, what power driver to to buy, who's motorcycle is faster, and which sports team is the best.  Trivial conversation is always trivial, no matter the topic.

found my girl, my dog, and my truck keys had left (sounds like a country music song, doesn't it?)
I believe it's a whole section of the country music catalog.  Still it's a funny story, never gets old.

Well, the first thing I've seemed to notice over time is that women often judge people within seconds. Sometimes guys do that too, but I've found more guys will just be up-front, for lack of a better term when talking
I bet men do it more, it's just that the women will tend to tell you while the guys play those cards closer to the vest.  Just because I hate you and despise working with you is no reason to tell you that - best to save that surprise for when I need it.