Uh-oh.

[Padma]

I woke up this morning after a terrible night of waking and sleeping and turning over and all that malarky, saying to myself "Oh hell's bells, this is really going to happen, isn't it? This isn't some intellectual exercise, this isn't going to 'blow over', your life is about to change dramatically. Feck."

I'm scared of telling my people (friends, family). I wasn't so scared when it was just "oh, this is something I'm trying to sort out in my mind..." but this is a real visceral "will you still love me if I turn into a woman? because that's what's probably going to happen" thing. And the thought of talking to a GP in the small town I'm about to move to in Devon is a bit intimidating too, but my plan is to ask to talk to a nurse, and then ask her who their most open-minded GP is 🙂 - nurses are always more up and running about stuff that's difficult emotionally, I've found.

Meanwhile, I'm off today to see someone about beard electrolysis - and I'm looking forward to telling them why - go, me, master of contradictions (coming soon: mistress of contradictions)!

[Rock_chick]

Okay, I have t admit the thought of telling people terrified me...especially the mother unit. She's an anglican vicar and I thought I'd be disowned and had done so for years. we're still figuring things through, but generally it's good, I'm fairly distant from my familly but that's due to other stuff really. My friends have been fantastic, absolutely 100%, I wouldn't have made it this far without them in truth, so don't panic too much, my betting is they'll surprise you.

As for telling your GP, just screw up your courage and talk to them...it's hard, but it's the old argument about removing the plaster slowly or quickly

also serious point, are you financially well off to consider private...even if you go down the nhs route in parralell, by going private you're in control (and by all accounts the GIC at CHX chews up and spits out people on a regular basis)

[Padma]

As for family, there's really just me and my brother (who is supportive). I haven't spoken to my dad in 7 years, and we won't meet again until one of us is at the other's funeral. I have a bisexual, polyamorous half-sister who's in quite a mess (another product of our shared dad) and we don't speak because she found out (not by my doing) that I'd accused him of abusing me, and she refuses to accept it. So it's really just my friends that I need to talk about this with, and I think they'll be freaked but supportive. I'm probably more just afraid of saying it out loud, because then it'll be more true for me!

I have the funds to do some of this privately. It's a quiet personal joke that I'm using some of my inheritance to fix the mess my parents made, and this somehow counts . I've just started reading up on what is involved in this country to get HRT, and paperwork for GRS - and I fancy a trip to Canada - ouate de phoque, eh? .

[Rock_chick]

It's only a bind in this country if you take the NHS route. As I said, by going privately you're in control and if you have the funds it makes sense. Incidentally I'd recomend Dr Micheal Perring if you do, he's an absolute gentleman.

[Padma]

Hey, I didn't realise you were on the same island! So going privately: does that start with a visit to my GP, or would I just make an appointment with e.g. Dr Perring from scratch?

[Rock_chick]

I self referred, I just phoned up, sopke to christine and booked an appointment (Christine is Dr P's PA if your wondering), so I effectively completely circumnavigated the NHS.

There are a few things to bear in mind, Dr P does prefer it if you've had at least 3 months of counselling with a counsellor in relation to the gender stuff. my counsellor, after discussing the matter with me wrote a letter/almost referral which basically boiled down to "I'm happy to support Helena in her desire to start HRT". Anything you can do that shows that you are serious about your transition will pay dividends. Starting facial hair removal is a big yes, get your name changed sooner rather than later and on all your records (I didn't do passport and driving liscence due to vanity), because stuff like this backs up your case that you are serious about this. I even had a letter from my HR department at work saying they'd changed my name on the system and I was working closely with them in regards to transitioning.

I saw Dr P for the first time in september, by the time i went back in november I had my prescription for HRT.

I'm not actually that far from you I think, I'm just up the south coast a bit...near the widget.

[Padma]

Thanks for that info, it's very helpful. I've only been discussing my gender stuff fairly recently with my counsellor in Norwich, and I'm scouting out someone near Dawlish to start seeing once I've moved - I think I've found a good woman in Exeter, which is very handy for me. So I'll start seeing her, and then talk about referrals once I've come in to land in Dawlish a bit.

I just visited the local Sk:n clinic to ask about facial hair removal. They don't do electrolysis there, but the technician reckoned laser would do a good job on all the dark hair on my face (especially the lip) - but there's quite a lot of grey lower down which she said it may or may not touch at all; so I'd need the electrolysis too, and the combo ain't cheap. So it goes, and the HRT will help, as and when.

There was a funny moment: she'd been saying they're used to having transitioning clients there, but then we were talking about my grey beard and I said that I'd started going grey at 15 - she said "oh well, it suits you..." and I grinned and said "it's still coming off!" and she got all embarrassed - I guess she was caught up in my current guyness and briefly forgot why I was there!

(ah, you mean the Isle of Widget? )

[rejennyrated]

Yoxi - I and my partner Alison are of course already long term (25 years plus) done and dusted - but until next month or so, when we are probably moving up towards Helena land, we are living not very far from you.

As it happens there is a gender identity clinic in Exeter and another in Newton-Abbot so we are not so backward down here as you think.

PM me if you want some more specific advice.

Jenny x.

[Padma]

Hey, that's good to know - I'll be arriving in Dawlish mid-April now, it looks like (though I'm going to be in Exeter for Pride - will you be around for that?) - and Exeter Central is 15 minutes on the train from my new place.

I'm trying not to let all this be the most important thing that's happening to me (officially, I'm moving to Devon to get back into weaving, and try and make part of a living at it). But my transgender momentum is picking up loads faster than I could ever have predicted.

I never assumed Devon itself as a whole was backward (I've spent a fifth of my life living in Somerset, and I have an abiding love for the south west) - I just think it's safe to assume that some of the GPs in Dawlish will be backward, as it's very much a little retirement town, and they probably don't have a lot of transfolk on their books (but who knows? could be a stronghold...)

I'll certainly drop you a line once I've arrived and know which side is up, thanks. Right now I'm just getting ready to pack, and trying not to depilate prematurely! I'm hoping I can find a better deal on laser/electrolysis once I get to the south west, the Sk:n Clinic ain't cheap but they have a good rep, and a retirement town is bound to have some electrolysists handy . This is definitely the first thing I want to address.