Jokes and fun

[Kendall]

** I went ahead and split off our joke battle from Chunk's post to Keep the post a little more readable and not so distracting. Since we both didnt really intend on hijacking hir post.

Ken (dra)/(ny)/(whatever you feel like at the moment),
Please don't make me type that again...LOL.

Oh you dont have to type all of it, you can pick just one... Ken is what most people call me , my given name; or Kendra the name I came up with my girlfriend two years ago sorta feminine,  or Kenny is what my family calls me and past Ex-es; or even Kendall which is sorta gender neutral; or even just K. I answer to all of them, and dont get offended by any, just list a few to give a choice. Some day I may just add a symbol like Prince did.......NOT.

Or you can mix it up.

a strong human being looking with warmth into other people's eyes.

I like this sentence. Chunk.

[Laurry]

Ken (dra)/(ny)/(whatever you feel like at the moment),
Please don't make me type that again...LOL.

Oh you dont have to type all of it, you can pick just one... Ken is what most people call me , my given name; or Kendra the name I came up with my girlfriend two years ago sorta feminine,  or Kenny is what my family calls me and past Ex-es; or even Kendall which is sorta gender neutral; or even just K. I answer to all of them, and dont get offended by any, just list a few to give a choice. Some day I may just add a symbol like Prince did.......NOT.

Or you can mix it up.

Thanks...now what I am gonna give you a hard time about?   

....Laurie

[Kendall]

I think also that its mutliple reasons that one can get more noticed, good comments from others, attention, and look better. Having confidence and comfort in yourself  has to be one of the essentials.


As for what else you can give me a hard time on, lets check the list:
[X] Spelling and/or Grammar
[X] Name or Multiple names
[  ] Age
[  ] Clothes
[  ] Appearance
[  ] Family
[  ] Job/Career
[  ] Location/Town/State
[  ] IQ
[  ] Vehicle
[  ] All of thee above

Here are some suggestions

[Laurry]

Chunk...sounds like you will be dressing as yourself a lot more now...just don't get too comfortable.  Remember where you are...while it is good to dress how you feel, it is not a good idea to go to a 5-star restaurant wearing a t-shirt, flannel pajama bottoms and bunny slippers--people will stare and comment.

Okie Dokie there, old what's-your-name...I love a challenge.

As for what else you can give me a hard time on, lets check the list:
[X] Spelling and/or Grammar
[X] Name or Multiple names
[  ] Age
[  ] Clothes
[  ] Appearance
[  ] Family
[  ] Job/Career
[  ] Location/Town/State
[  ] IQ
[  ] Vehicle
[  ] All of thee above

- Spelling/Grammar?  Well, she has been churning that butter a long time, why don't ya head out back and let yer Grammar rest for a spell?  Oh, by the way, the third word in the last line of the quote should only have one "e".
- You know, for being such a dirty old man, you ain't a bad older lady...but I still believe you hid all those wrinkles with botox.
- The last time I saw clothes like that was at the fire sale on a well done mannequin...and they were funky Country Club Golf clothes at that...Honey, the plaid polyester double-knit pants are a definite no-no.  They really do make your butt look big.
- I got an email a while back from someone saying they saw you at work the other day.  They said your pictures didn't do you justice...that you were much cuter in person, had a great figure (with giant bazongas) and the long blond hair just put everything over the top.  Later in the email, they said they realized they had been looking at a Pamela Anderson poster.
- OK...Families are off limits...they must be or else why wouldn't they let you hunt them?
- Job and career?  Hey, you've got one and that's a wonderful thing.  Actually, I think your job is neat...you get to read Sports Illustrated, Playboy, Popular Mechanics, Better Homes and Gardens, Redbook and everyone's favorite, Cosmo, and it's all part of doing your job.  Bitchin'!!!!
- Of course, you do live in the heartland of America...well, maybe a little below the heart, like in the Bible Belt...well, more like below the belt...but remember, just like the geezers down at the VFW hope for below their belts, the South's gonna rise again.
- I would make fun of your IQ, but odds are it is higher than mine and you will blast me for this...then again, I didn't publish a target list and say "hit me"...Doh!
- Can't give you much of a hard time about your vehicle, as I'm not sure what you drive...but based on where you live, I'm guessing whatever you drive is being pulled by a flop-eared mule named Whoa.  Giddy up, Whoa! Giddy up, Whoa!  And you wonder why she keeps stopping every time you call her name.

As for what else you can give me a hard time on, lets check the list:
[X] Spelling and/or Grammar
[X] Name or Multiple names
[X] Age
[X] Clothes
[X] Appearance
[X] Family
[X] Job/Career
[X] Location/Town/State
[X] IQ
[X] Vehicle
[X] All of thee above

OK, most of those were so bad that I'm sure a gotcha will be zinging its way back to me.  Still, I did chuckle writing a couple of them.  I am now waiting for the critique, oh mighty one.

....Laurie

[Kendall]

Ok ... my turn to entertain.

- **as for old age it reminds me of a story my grandfather told me about how he accumulated wealth.

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

** Saw the clothes you were wearing the other day. I see you picked some famous designer labels. Who were you wearing? A cute top from Rainbow Bright, and a skirt from Wilma Flintstone, was it?

** I see you are really into makeup lately. I could have sworn when you cut yourself the other day shaving, instead of blood liquid foundation came pouring out.

**Found this list of you know your in texas when

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TEXAS WHEN . . .


(Author Unknown)
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car . . .

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water . . .

You can say 110 degrees without fainting . . .

You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off . . .

You can make sun tea instantly . . .

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron . . .

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance . . .

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one . . .

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets . . .

You actually burn your hand opening the car door . . .

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter . . .

A formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go to the corner store . . .

Hot air balloons can't go (at all) . . .

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car . . .

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear, "what if I get knocked out and lay on the pavement and cook to death"?

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

** Heard about your car you got the other day. Did they include the glue in the box and the instructions?

**Mainframe Storage Administrator** hmmm. You write code so slow they measure your work done in characters per day, instead of words per minute.

As for the thee, time to bold it so every time you come back you can see it easier.


Ok yes yours were great, much more original than mine.

I had to even borrow material to fill in on the texas, since I dont know much about it. Also wanted to find something about old age, and that depression joke seemed funny.

I just had fun trying to rack my brain into thinking of anything half way funny.

The next few days I will have off like last week, so I can work on the hair post maybe.

Thanks for the humor Laurie. You win, in the joust.  I lay down my sword.

Kennecticut

[Laurry]

I don't know there K...I was laughing so hard I had to stop reading 2 or 3 times.  How 'bout we call it a tie and regroup for more jousting another time.  Life is not meant to be taken too seriously...but rather to be enjoyed and savored...like a fine bottle of Diet Coke.

So which part of you was having the "Get 'em" attitude and which was saying "Be Nice" and when did both male and female sides say "Give 'em heck!"?

Just so you know...

...I always wanted to be Wilma Flinstone...always thought she was sexy.

...As far as makeup: if you had said eyeshadow, it probably would have been true...LOL

...About Texas:
     - Not only are the best parking places in the shade, so are the best golf shots.  When playing disc golf (ask me about it, I dare you) who putts first is not determined by distance, but rather by who is in the sun.
     -  In the summer, you can take a shower using only cold water.  Imagine never running out of hot water...I've been known to take hour showers on more than one occassion.
     - Do this...put on shorts, (the shorter the better)...walk outside to the car that has been sitting in 105 degree sunshine for 6 hours...open the door and stand back as the rush of superheated air rushes out of the car...climb in and sit those bare legs on the griddle-hot vinyl car seat.  After about 4 scream-raise-up-ease-downs you can finally sit on the seat.  Next, reach over and grab that old-fashioned brightly shining silver seat belt latch.  Just like the toddler and the kitchen stove...you won't do that again, will you?

...Nope.  No glue and the instructions didn't have pictures and were written in China by an illegal immigrant from Brazil...even the guy who designed it wouldn't be able put the dang thing together.  (I liked this one...Heck...I'm still laughing)

...Smart move to check my profile.  Kudos.  Unfortunately these days, I spend so much time in meetings that words per day is probably not too far from true. 


Chunk, my appologies for hijacking the thread. 

Yes, I believe you are right.  You know all that advice your big brother (think Wally and the Beaver) would give you when you wanted that special someone to like you?  Just be yourself.  Danged if that isn't the best advice anyone ever gave us...too bad most of us didn't listen.

Hugs.......Laurie

[seldom]

[?] Spelling and/or Grammar  (only when I am tipsy)
[?] Name or Multiple names (I like my name shortened, its androgynous)
[  ] Age

• Clothes (I am going shopping this weekend, hopefully I will be brave enough again like I have been in my past.)
  [ x ] Appearance (my best days are over, but I am trying to  reclaim some of it)
  [ x ] Family (there is no way I can ever come out.)
  [  ] Job/Career  (I love my new job)
  [  ] Location/Town/State (I love my new city, even though I thought I would not.)
  [  ] IQ (I have a high IQ.)
  [  ] Vehicle (I have a new car thats very cute.)
  [  ] All of thee above
  
  I am in a weird time in my life, because I am just starting to be honest with myself.  I know I will always be somewhat in the closet.  But I am more comfortable now then I have ever been in my past.

[Lunartiger]

         Forums are always so interesting. =O

[seldom]

I completely misinterpreted this thread, I just miss out on so much humor.