Bad Week

[HannahRob]

Hello All,

What a week it has been. I am a MTF, been on hormones for two years. My feelings over the week has been a nightmare. every morning i wake up and see myself in the mirror and just hate what i see. I look at myself and just dont see a women. i think about going back to presenting as male, but i would look rediculous. Is this normal? i guess i am depressed and i do try to gee myself up, but you know when your depressed you are so negative and everything is bad. I should be happy, i am healthy afterall which is the most important thing, the rest is just stuff.

i think i am writing this for the writing sake and to get it out onto paper.

So i guess i can really just say to myself, shut up you stupid bitch and deal with a week of bad mood :-) i am just not used to it, first time.

[Colleen Ireland]

If I were you, I'd schedule a session with a therapist without delay.  You might be depressed, and there is treatment for that.  You don't have to just suffer.  And if you have people around you, solicit hugs!  Here's a virtual one...  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HannahRob}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[HannahRob]

If I were you, I'd schedule a session with a therapist without delay.  You might be depressed, and there is treatment for that.  You don't have to just suffer.  And if you have people around you, solicit hugs!  Here's a virtual one...  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HannahRob}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks Colleen for the hug, appreciate it.

[justmeinoz]

I look in the mirror and am dissatisfied with what I see too.
But then I tell myself I don't care if I am that ugly as a woman that people would shield their Rottweiler's eyes when I walk down the street, as long as they see me as a woman.
Remember too, ugly can be fixed, nasty goes right to the bone.

[Hrobinson]

I feel this way too, except the other way around. The nasty little buggers inside my head say "you're not a man, you'll never be a man, you'll always be like a girl." It sucks the life out of one's self-esteem.

Virtual hug from me, too. Try to keep your head high, you are a woman and you have the right to exist happily as much as anyone else. I second the therapist suggestion also.

Caleb, you know you hit the nail on the head there, trouble is when i think "you will never be a women" i for some reason this week have sunk, normally i am positive but i do feel like the self esteem inside me has gone flat. I think a lot of factors are not helping me, I think its been 11 years since i had a holiday and i work for myself so i am thinking i need a break from work. At no point have i gone male mode as i know i am not one, i think mainly tiredness is just the main contributor to this, i do see a therapist but up until now i have been lucky not to face this feeling. hope this makes sense :-)

ps hrobinson is my new username

[Janet_Girl]

I understand Hannah.  I have had them too.  They do get better.  BIG SISTER HUGS.

If you wish to keep your original account but change the name, let me know via PM.  We can fix it.  We have the technology. 

You could change it too, after 15 posts.