"Welcome to Passport Canada. Pour le service en français avec un gros accent incompréhensible, appuyez sur l'étoile. For service in English with a big accent, please wait. If you call because you want a passport for an alien, press 1. If you want to update your picture, press 2. If you lost your passport, press 3. If you want information on payment, press 4.
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If you want a passport for your monkey, press 56 while spinning counterclockwise.
If you want to talk to an employee, please wait.
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All of our employees are presently busy. Please wait. The delay is estimated to... 50... minutes. Your call is important for us."
Good luck !