Not sure which is worse...

[asher]

I'm extremely new here. Super super... as in, hi I'm Asher this is my first post, lol.

But uh... kinda stuck here and wondering if anyone else had a similar experience or any kind of advice.

My cousin is an attention whore-y drama queen, so looking for some new material to upset the family, she was snooping on my facebook page and somehow, though it doesn't even exist (seriously, nothing), came up with some 'evidence' that I was a lesbian, and called my dad and told him.

Now... just for some background here. My parents aren't the most understanding individuals. Nightly ritual in my house meant sitting on the couch watching tv while my dad cussed at the tv yelling about '->-bleeped-<-s and queers', so ya know... my mom used to be not so bad, but he rubbed off on her a lot =_= My grandfather, also a snooper, outed me as a lesbian to my mom before, and I thought at the time that I was (I was severely confused by the difference between sexual orientation and gender, go figure ) so when she kept persistently asking I finally just told her. But she knew my dad wouldn't understand so it's been a secret.

Problem is now I know what is going on in my own head. Well, I have known, I just did not understand at all what it meant till recently.

So the question now is... do I lie, and wait? Do I just try to resist questioning and keep insisting I'm not, when my mom knows a falsity about me already thinking it's true? And then if she confronts me and tells him... do I just give in and say I am a lesbian and come out TWICE... or even three times (ftm and gay)? Because I am really... really not ready to tell them about this x_x I want to go to a therapist/counselor first (because I know they'll say I need help =_=)

I'm afraid if I do just give in and tell them I'm a lesbian, then a few months (or what have you) later come back and say 'no actually I'm a gay GUY', they won't take me seriously at all... and I'm afraid if I keep insisting I'm not then my mom won't take me seriously when I DO come out about my gender and real orientation. I've spent so many years batting off the arguments with my mom and grandmother not taking me seriously already, this would probably be ten times worse.

Guh... so... which is worse? Coming out before you're 100% ready... or not being taken seriously? Or some third option I'm open to suggestions about... 

Also wondering how others started... as in did you start expressing your gender openly before or after coming out to family? I don't live at home but I do live with my sister. Still not out to her but I think she'll be okay with it, she just has a big mouth so I'm a little worried about starting...

[kesenaie]

"No, I'm not lesbian and I don't even have a facebook."
Also, they should realize she's just out to cause drama, right?

[asher]

"No, I'm not lesbian and I don't even have a facebook."
Also, they should realize she's just out to cause drama, right?

You'd think so but he's already been questioning me persistently anyway :-/ I think my dad suspected so he's latching onto this like it's real 'evidence'.
I guess you're right though, best defense could be to just keep saying that's all it is, stirring up the pot for 'fun'. I'm friends with my mom on my facebook so that claim wouldn't work too well. (also hence why this 'incriminating evidence' she claims doesn't actually exist )
Thanks for the help~

[JohnAlex]

If you're really not a lesbian, what kind of evidence could she possibly twist around to be moderately convincing to your dad?


Anyway, the way I see it, you have the two options that you just mentioned.
1. Deny everything adamantly.
2. Come out as a gay guy.

Personally (and I can't tell you what is right for you), I would do the second.  Because for me, it would just piss me off so much that these people are all getting in my business and trying to accuse me of something I'm not.  they're looking for trouble and I'd give it to them.  I'd tell them, "->-bleeped-<- you. I'm not a lesbian.  I'm a guy and I like guys!"  At least then if they're going to get on your back about something, it won't be about something that's not even you.  I'd give them something to REALLY complain about.

But, I am a fighter.  and I fight my parents on everything.  Maybe that's not you and that's not right for you.

[asher]

I have literally NO clue. I guess her word is enough for my dad for some reason =_= I cut my hair short? I wear guyish clothes? Those are his arguments against me when I try to bat off the questions.

I seriously WISH I could be that up front about it, because you make excellent points. Particularly about them getting on my back about something that's completely false, especially when it's just to bide time. I have always been soft spoken with my parents because my dad is a serious force to be reckoned with. A big part of my agrees with you, and wants to do just that. And I don't have this problem with others considering the seething earful I had for my idiotic cousin, so I don't know. I think it's probably past time to stand up to the bull->-bleeped-<- and come clean, I just need to suck it up and grow some balls. Literally. Heh!

[Wraith]

If it was me I'd be giving them hell for thinking that short hair and guyish clothes equals lesbian. But first off I'd ask them why I only get attracted to guys when everyone says I'm a lesbian..
You can keep insisting that you like guys and want to dress like one too. Doing so doesn't deny or admit to anything. You can come out for real when you're ready. With a father like that, never give in and "admit" to something you are not, it just makes you loose a whole lot of credibility for later, unless they understand the whole thing about cops being able to torture confessions out of innocents...

Oh and welcome to the forums