why do some get so defensive?

[wheat thins are delicious]

Sometimes folks will call me my former female name and I'll gently say "Andrew" or "Andy" to correct them and they get super defensive about it.  But why?  I just don't understand. 

[Padma]

People find change threatening, and some deal with that better than others. Plus people get angry sometimes if they feel humiliated by being corrected, so they look for a reason why it's your fault instead of theirs. Be patient (but not TOO patient ).

[Shimei Valentine]

My friends do the same thing sometimes. Its not really because they don't agree with my transition or anything, but it is them not wanting to be corrected for the most part. They find it embarrassing to be corrected on something so basic, I think.

[Michael Joseph]

Because! omg you already asked them for SOOOOO much by transitioning in front of their faces! 

haha

[Arch]

"Ooops, sorry, <nervous giggle>, I forgot again."
"That's okay. <brandishes large machete> Just don't do it again. Papa gets a little...testy."

[Devyn]

I don't like when trans people get too worked up over a little comment.

This transguy I know said that he would rip one of my friend's uterus out because she said that nobody she knows is normal.

He's an out transguy. In high school. Come on, I can guarantee that wasn't the worst thing ever said to him. Besides, it wasn't even DIRECTED at him. However, he then went on Facebook and complained about her and said that he IS normal and that she's just ignorant.

She accepts you. We talk a lot about this, and I /know/ she has nothing against trans people. Shut up.

Then again, I have my own problems with that guy that I'm not going to get into.

[PandaValentine]

I hate when they do this, they act as though you've put a burden on them for asking to vocalize a different name. I find people do this to remain comfortable, which yeah has to do with change. First person who said change beat me to it, but that's about the main reason I've found. Eventually some people get over the change or just take some time to adjust and until then are embarrassed to make mistakes or perhaps saying the name itself can be embarrassing because it's so foreign. Basically the brain just sees an image and relates it with a word, and it can be a struggle to try and alter that process. I personally can't even be bothered to correct people anymore since it's been over a year, so I just get pissed and walk away and if the can't figure it out, I let them sort their own ->-bleeped-<- out in their heads first.

[quinn]

"Ooops, sorry, <nervous giggle>, I forgot again."
"That's okay. <brandishes large machete> Just don't do it again. Papa gets a little...testy."

That totally cracked me up


Yeah I think people just hate being corrected. Probably the same sort of thing as if they say "it ain't right" and you say "you mean, 'it isn't right." Also, some people get defensive when they're embarrassed about something, so maybe they're just embarrassed they said the wrong name again. The other option: they're just a**holes and need to get over it, already.

[Sly]

Hahahaha... my sister won't even call me my full old name.  Just the first syllable.  With a nice ugly sneer on her face.  And my Dad tells me she 'corrects' him when he calls me Sly... Some people are just dicks, I know it can be hard (HAH) but try not to let it get to you.

[Da Monkey]

I don't like when trans people get too worked up over a little comment.

This transguy I know said that he would rip one of my friend's uterus out because she said that nobody she knows is normal.

He's an out transguy. In high school. Come on, I can guarantee that wasn't the worst thing ever said to him. Besides, it wasn't even DIRECTED at him. However, he then went on Facebook and complained about her and said that he IS normal and that she's just ignorant.

She accepts you. We talk a lot about this, and I /know/ she has nothing against trans people. Shut up.

Then again, I have my own problems with that guy that I'm not going to get into.

I agree with you here. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who doesn't care enough to correct people. Yes, it is annoying but in the end they are the ones who look stupid.

I have to say though, if he wants to be taken seriously as a man, saying something like "I am going to rip out her uterus" is way worse than her having a slip up with a name. That is a little extreme and guys can't just go around saying that type of ->-bleeped-<- to women, it's not okay no matter how you justify it.

I also worked with someone who was trans and he blew up in people's faces when they used the wrong name or pronoun to people who were honestly just trying. I remember one of them referred to me as she and she looked terrified after and kept saying sorry over and over again and wouldn't make eye contact but I told her it was okay because obviously she didn't do it to hurt me.

To you it is your identity as a male, but to most people it is just a name. People can't wrap their heads around something "so confusing" and "strange" and think it is some sort of nickname. You can either spend you're time getting offended or just move on, it's barely worth the effort.

[Devyn]

I agree with you here. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who doesn't care enough to correct people. Yes, it is annoying but in the end they are the ones who look stupid.

I have to say though, if he wants to be taken seriously as a man, saying something like "I am going to rip out her uterus" is way worse than her having a slip up with a name. That is a little extreme and guys can't just go around saying that type of ->-bleeped-<- to women, it's not okay no matter how you justify it.

I also worked with someone who was trans and he blew up in people's faces when they used the wrong name or pronoun to people who were honestly just trying. I remember one of them referred to me as she and she looked terrified after and kept saying sorry over and over again and wouldn't make eye contact but I told her it was okay because obviously she didn't do it to hurt me.

To you it is your identity as a male, but to most people it is just a name. People can't wrap their heads around something "so confusing" and "strange" and think it is some sort of nickname. You can either spend you're time getting offended or just move on, it's barely worth the effort.

When one of my friends slips up with my name, they don't even realize it. And when they do realize what they said, they correct themselves.

I mean, I get annoyed and possibly mad, but I don't yell at them or blow up at them. I just let them know that they called me the wrong name. That's all. Nothing serious. I don't attack them for it.

I want to punch the one guy that said he would rip my friend's uterus out. He already pisses me off anyway, so this just sort of gives me a reason.

She slips up with his name sometimes because when he presented as a girl, he changed his name ALL OF THE TIME. She just has to get used to another name.

Besides, NOBODY should EVER say they are going to rip out somebodies uterus. Male or female. I don't care who you are, that isn't right.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I never get mad or overreact.  I just correct them by repeating what they just said but with right name and/or pronouns. 

[Radar]

"...don't I have the right to say I'm uncomfortable, just like anyone else?"

Not at my workplace. If I get hurt or offended I'm just told I'm overreacting. No, I'm not. I don't yell or blow up at anyone. Most people would have committed homicide by now. I have literally had my human rights violated and management would do nothing! Damn this weak economy. I'm so over this place.