Does it honestly matter whether you pass as your gender or not?

[Sandy]

Are you refering to the differences between T's, CIS's?
You're not really clear concerning the topic of this thread that you are proposing that I create.

Go to the "Just for us" section and open a topic called:
"-CRaSH-'s discussion corner"

Make a post that says something like:
"What's the difference between a cis/cis type relationship and a cis/T relationship"

And see what happens.

Or you could ask another question.  What ever you like, really.  It seems it doesn't take much from you to get us going.

-Sandy(I'm really trying to back out of this thread.  Really!)

[-CRaSH-]

Alright, i get it now.

[Dana Lane]

Crash,

Many here feel that you are an upsetting force.  We are a touchy bunch, because every time we turn around, people ( cis people ) are trying to tell us we are nuts. That we should be given any treatment that will 'cure' us.

We don't need to be cured, except for the hormone treatments and surgeries.   You, my friend, are coming across as one of those people.  We are here to support each other.

If you can not be supportive and keep being an upsetting person, we will ask you to leave.  We do not need some one who is antagonistic.

Crash came into a thread I made (which I have since deleted because it was getting too stressful), he read the subject line which showed, without any doubt, that chicks with d*cks was offensive, at least to me and some others. Then proceeded to use that language in that thread. In my eyes, that was intentional disrespect and intentionally negative.

[-CRaSH-]

Crash came into a thread I made (which I have since deleted because it was getting too stressful), he read the subject line which showed, without any doubt, that chicks with d*cks was offensive, at least to me and some others. Then proceeded to use that language in that thread. In my eyes, that was intentional disrespect and intentionally negative.

I would coherently respond to this.

But I won't seeing as I may get modded for being off-topic.

If you want to discuss this issue with me, then come to my thread.

[Suzy]

Sorry we have been prevented from discussing a very interesting topic.  But it has apparently become impossible. 
[sigh]

An ancient Disney musical, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow contained a song about The Headless Horseman.  The lyrics are timeless:

"So don't try to figure out a plan
You can't reason with a headless man."

[-CRaSH-]

Sorry we have been prevented from discussing a very interesting topic.  But it has apparently become impossible. 
[sigh]

An ancient Disney musical, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow contained a song about The Headless Horseman.  The lyrics are timeless:

"So don't try to figure out a plan
You can't reason with a headless man."

-_-....

[MarinaM]

I have decided that my straight answer is yes. Yes it is. 

[V M]

Does it honestly matter whether you pass as your gender or not?

It matters to me... When I'm not seen as a woman it's very bothersome to me...

[MillieB]

It matters a great deal to me, but at the end of the day if I don't pass then I'll still be trans and will have to deal with that.

Hi Crash  Never has someones name been quite so apt considering the effect that you seem to have! 

[-CRaSH-]

It matters a great deal to me, but at the end of the day if I don't pass then I'll still be trans and will have to deal with that.

Hi Crash  Never has someones name been quite so apt considering the effect that you seem to have! 

True, I actually didn't mean to cause any of this.

Guess it's fate  .

[Brent123]

It matters a great deal to me. Its really important to me that I am seen as a guy. Its validating for me.

[Heath]

As others before me have mentioned, yes, passing is important to me for safety reasons.  I get panicky when my mom refers to me as she in public to people I don't know. If only she knew how much my life could potentially be in danger when she says that, but I guess she just doesn't realize it.

The time I want to pass the most is using the bathroom. But then again lucky for me guys try to pay the least amount of attention possible to each other in mens rooms. So far I've been lucky. Hope things stay that way for me. =/

[E]

Passing is the single most important part of transition, because the GID clinic says it is. That means that if I do not pass, I will not be allowed to transition, and thus asking whether or not it matters is like asking "Does it matter if you breathe or not?" The act itself is unimportant, but without it, everything else falls apart.

[JasonG86]

I would have to agree with a few of the other FTM's here...sometimes it's more about safety then anything else...society see different as dangerous and because we are considered "different" we fall into that "dangerous" perception. When really it's just close minded stupidity.

I've had it happen to me...I had finished performing at a drag show..was still in "drag". friends decided to go to a straight bar in which I walked into the female restroom because the male room was full. I was thrown up against the wall and told I was in the wrong restroom. I put my hands up and said I am sorry must have taken a wrong turn and that wasn't enough for the woman. she shoved me in the chest realizing I had something there and then was completly confused which made it worse, she proceeded to leave the restroom walk up to the server point at me and say "that thing, is in the wrong restroom"

so yes passing is important no matter which way you look at it...I would rather be known as the man I am then a "thing" but maybe that's just me.

[N.Chaos]

I would rather be known as the man I am then a "thing" but maybe that's just me.

I'm gonna venture to say that all of us probably have the same thought on that one. Personally, I'd rather be a thing then a girl, though. I realize that more and more every day, and maybe it's a side-effect of spending so much time with my best friend or maybe I'm finally growing the hell up, but I've learned to accept the fact that it just is.

All these bathroom horror stories make me me wish I had a titanium bladder or something, I pee damn near constantly. Luckily, my best friend is almost constantly with me when I'm out and he'll go into the bathrooms with me in case of incident.

[Padma]

Ninja skillz are what's needed - so you can pin them to the wall, and growl "Call me Sir when you say that..."

Nah, not really advocating violence, I just have wish-fulfilment from times I've been beaten up for not being man enough (and this was before I started trying not to be).

[Sarah B]

The post written by E sums up this thread brilliantly, which was:

Passing is the single most important part of transition, because the GID clinic says it is. That means that if I do not pass, I will not be allowed to transition, and thus asking whether or not it matters is like asking "Does it matter if you breathe or not?" The act itself is unimportant, but without it, everything else falls apart.

However, I would put it this way:

Passing is the single most important part of transition, and asking whether or not it matters is like asking "Does it matter if you breathe or not?" The act itself is unimportant, but without it, everything else falls apart.

Kind regards
Sarah B

[Rock_chick]

I think this may be the place to impart some long boarding wisdom. On sunday i bailed at about 30mph coming down a hill...i'm told it was quite spectacular, but you know what, I rolled into the fall, bounced back up, asked if the board was okay, then my sunglasses, then went owwwwwww! Twenty minutes later i was back on the board, and an hour after that I hit another hill where i got up to similar speeds, and as i was taking the corner I picked up some speed wobble. I could have bailed again, but i kept at it and rode it out and it was awesome. See the thing is, i throw myself down hills on what is essentially a plank of wood with wheels, I accept that i may crash and as long as i can get back up on my feet i won't give into the fear of crashing. I'll get back on the board and conquor that fear. Bailing does hurt, but it's not the most important thing about longboarding and i certainly don't worry about it.

It's the same with being percieved as your correct gender, if whether you "pass" or not is always on your mind, then you're scared that you might not, if you're scared that you might not then you are giving into the fear. Which makes you nervous and people pick up on nerves and ask "why are they so nervous" and go looking for answers. Transitioning is hard, but you know what, chances are you will be mis-gendered from time to time, but you know what, that happens to plenty of cis people as well. All you have to do is roll with the fall, get back on your feet and carry on going, because if you can do that you'll be relaxed and if your relaxed you can truly enjoy being you. And if you truly enjoy being you people just accept you.

My advice for anyone transitioning is basically, by a longboard and learn about how to deal with the tumbles life sends your way occasionally that way, because the times when you're not kising pavemnet are simply sublime.

[Nygeel]

I'd like to add that passing helps my psychological state a lot. I was out with a friend and some of her friends recently who all read me as female. I told them I was a guy and trans. Most if not all of them started asking the absurd questions "are you getting the surgery?" "how do you have sex?" "what's it like" etc. I usually don't have the spoons to answer the questions and I just don't want to make my life about educating people.

[From_Ariel]

I have to say that it is very difficult for me to live my life as I want to just like any other girl on the street when others are constantly trying to label me as the wrong gender.

I'm having a great day shopping or at work what have you and one person does the "Miss? Sir? Mam? Sir? Miss?" thing and boom I am forced to accept that no I'm not just any other girl. I'm a girl that is constantly at risk of being singled out from every other girl by an ignorant person possibly in the presence of others which can be horribly embarrassing.

Once I just told the person "pick one and move on."