Mothers/Fathers Day

[juliemac]

My daughter wants to know if I still qualify for a fathers day present.
Since her bio-mom has been out of the picture, I've gotten Mothers day presents.

But, now, after surgery, Fathers day is questionable.

A dilema for a trans-parent child 

[Janet_Girl]

Why no both.      You have been both to her.  But then again you have been Mom for a long time.  And you are now post-op, so you are truly Mom.

[juliemac]

That was my arguement 

[Suigeniris]

I myself have an on going joke with my daughter since i adopted as a single parent we call it MATHERS DAY !! lol lol 

[juliemac]

I'm MOD to mine. More Mom than Dad.
It must be hard on her at times. Talking about her mom, people ask "then who is she?"

Dispite the difference, my daughter has grown to a responsible and loving person. So much for the people that say we will "turn" their heads 

[K8]

My daughter calls me Mama-Kate.  Her other mom is Mama-(hername).  My daughter is getting married this summer and has notified me that at the ceremony I will be "one of the mothers of the bride".  When talking to others about me I am Mama-Kate or "my other mom".  I suppose the people who don't know think her two mothers are lesbians, but so what? 

As time goes by, it seems stranger and stranger for either of us to think of me as her father.  Last year she sent me a card on Mother's Day that was not a specific Mother's Day card but better, because she wrote in it how proud she was to be my daughter.  She's a sweet kid.  (Must be her other mother's influence. )

- Mama-Kate

[~RoadToTrista~]

Of course! The important thing is that you get presents ^.^

[Jade_is_awesome]

My daughter wants to know if I still qualify for a fathers day present.
Since her bio-mom has been out of the picture, I've gotten Mothers day presents.

But, now, after surgery, Fathers day is questionable.

A dilema for a trans-parent child 

Both, You were her father for years, now your her mother, so why not ask for both?

[missyzanta]

If you TRULY consider yourself a female/woman in this society then you are MOTHER, if not then it is left up to you.  What I am saying is that for "society" to see you and her as "normal", I think you should play the full role which what it is, a ROLE. 

[K8]

My daughter and I live our own lives but are very close.  I am her parent and always will be.  I am now female.  Our relationship has shifted a bit because she, as a cis-female, continues to be helpful to me as I integrate more and more into the social role of a woman.  Even though I am not really her father anymore, there remains a closeness from our long history and the fact that I helped raise her.

However, I am not her mother.  That is a special relationship that I am not qualified for because I wasn't her mother when she was born or when she was an infant or a child or a teenager.  The connection between my daughter and her mother is different than the one I have with her.  I can play the social role of her mother in public, but both my daughter and I know that we are playing a role and have fun with it.

If her mother were not around, then perhaps I could be that, but her mother is still her mother.  I think my relationship with my daughter is more of as a favorite aunt – very special but not the same as if I were her mother.

- Kate

[missyzanta]

Its a personal decision that you make.  Again, it is just a title and which every title anyone wants to wear, then NO ONE has the right to take that away.  It seems that you already had your OWN answer.  AGAIN, all of us have gone TOO FAR to NOT do what in the hell we please to do or think like we want to think.  If you see yourself NOT as her mother then u arent because the word "MOTHER" means something different to all.  Now if we go to the dictionary then ok you arent but if you go by that neither is a female who ADOPTED a child. 

ITS A PERSONAL PREFERENCE

[K8]

I think what's important is what your child wants. Otherwise they may silently resent what is being asked of them.

...

All I'm saying is it is what the child wants that is important. Please, leave it up to your child. Just tell them they can celebrate either holiday they wish, you love them just the same.

I think that this is very important.  We get very self-involved through transition, as we need to, but sometimes we forget that those around us and those who love us are going through our transition too.

When I started transition my daughter asked what to call me.  We talked about it, but in the end I told her she could call me whatever she was comfortable with.  That has seemed to work.

- Kate

[juliemac]

My daughter started to call me Mom many years ago. More of an honorary title, but given with love.
But she also calls her Bio-mom; Mom. (Her bio-mom, has never been there for her, psychologically or financially. )

My daughter also comes up to whisper in my ear; "Daaaaaddddyyyy" for a laugh.

Many of her friends also call me Mom. I have "adopted" a few of them, refering to them as my "Rental Kids". Again, more of an honorific.