So I've looked at this site a lot in the past, but I've never really worked up the nerve to register or post anything. To do so seemed as if it would be confirming something, and I suppose I simply felt as if I wasn't ready to do that. To be honest, I'm still not sure if I'm ready for anything in this field. I used to feel more assured; that was before girls had to be skinny, boys had to be studs who didn't call you in the morning, drugs were this cool thing to try, drinking was fun, and playing on the swings became 'uncool'. It was back before self image mattered and suicide was a worry. I don't know when that was or why it all had to change, but I changed right along with it. There's a lot about me that I don't understand, and I'm going to be as honest as possible and say that I'm scared to figure it all out. I've dabbled, I've tried working things out in my head (scary place, by the way) but not much makes sense anymore. It's hard for me to tell which smiles are real and which ones are simply based on the impulse to keep people from believing that I'm anything other than 'okay'.
This was supposed to be my introduction, but at 11:55pm, I forgot where I was going with this. It's most likely just turning into a substance similar to the brain matter leaking from my ears at this point, but I'll keep going with it.
I don't know what or who I am, but apparently that's normal at this age, where nothing is supposed to feel right and it's perfectly alright to get into spats with people because that's 'normal'. That's not what I want. I would be very pleased with my situation if I could work out just a few answers, even something as simple as 'which pair of pants is more comfortable, the size 7, or the 30x32 jeans?' I don't trust a lot of people, it's something that I'm trying to work on-- but I know that this isn't something I can manage on my own, even if I'd like to.
To sum all of that up... I'm Exception, I have a tendency to drone on an on in the form of rants (hopefully they're entertaining or helpful to someone... or maybe I should just hope that someone actually understands them), and I most definitely do not have all the answers. And as a sidenote; in comparison to other rants I've hacked out in the past, this is incredibly short.
