BDSM/ Roleplay Male to Female, my first boyfriend, how do i handle this?

[mochi-love]

Hiya everyone! I hope this is the right place for this topic.

I'm a female who supports cross dressing and is open minded. But I am not sure how to feel when my boyfriend, says he likes to think of himself as a girl when role playing. He plays a rather cute anime style maid. ^_^

I like him, but i don't think i can handle him thinking of us as a lesbian couple, as I am straight. He says it's just a fetish, but i'm not sure how far that goes. Does that mean he'll eventually progress into to more extreme need to be female? i know he is a :

Transvestic  ->-bleeped-<-: arousal to the act or fantasy of wearing women's clothing.
and a:
Behavioral  ->-bleeped-<-: arousal to the act or fantasy of doing something regarded as feminine.

I'm worried how much he wants to be a female.  If he thinks of himself as a female. how am I suppose to feel and act when i'm a bit confused and uncomfortable.

[nickikim]

Your supossed to feel like you feel, my suggestion is just go with it , sounds like fun. Talk,ask questions,and enjoy. That should help the confusion and discomfort:)

[tekla]

So, dress him like a maid and make him clean the house, make you dinner, do you nail, satisfy you in every way you like and you don't really have to do anything in return except order him around.  What's the downside?

[mochi-love]

I'm willing to play and have fun together on this. It's just, I would also like to be a female...in this relationship. treated like one.  It kinda feel one sided. Like i'm the male... and i'm a straight girl. xD ahah

Sadly to say, i don't feel pleased/turned on when we do this and maybe because he's not trying to please me sexually at all, which might be a whole  different issue in itself xD

and thank you very much for replying ^_^

[RabbitsOfTheWorldUnite]

Draw a line and say that your needs come first, as should any woman's needs! Then promise him that once you're satisfied emotionally and sexually, then and only then, will it be his turn to be a girl. If he has something like that to look forward to as a goal, I think you would be very satisfied!

[tekla]

Draw a line and say that your needs come first, as should any woman's needs!

Hard to imagine a worst bit of relationship advice, if you're not working as partners - where both are working to meet each other needs as both of their prime motivations - then it's really not a relationship anymore.

[RabbitsOfTheWorldUnite]

Tekla, maybe you didn't notice that she said this is her first boyfriend. No one should ever have to work at it that early in the game. Christsakes, her needs will change greatly over the next couple years as everything gets fine tuned.
If that loser of hers isn't devout to her needs now, he will never be!

"Women get a boyfriend thinking she can change him, but he won't ever change"
"Men get a girlfriend thinking she'll never change, and we always do!"

[mochi-love]

I think all of you are right. We're not meeting in the middle, to where it feels like a relationship.

This is the strongest reason why I felt that he didn't like girls (he didn't touch me in a romantic way), yet he calls himself a cross dresser,  doesn't show his attraction to female parts. He does when I ask him to, which is like the last few minutes before i have to leave. But...why...do I need to initiate the "sexual interactions"? Wouldn't a heterosexual man jump at the chance to explore a woman's body? O_O I mean, it's not like i'm stopping him. I invite and ask him to.

I should probably ask him is making out is ever on his mind. How can you tell if he is sexually attracted to you then? O__o I hate being a newb. xD

[RabbitsOfTheWorldUnite]

I'm curious now, do you know whether or not you are his first girlfriend? From your latest description it does seems likely that he is gay and closetted still. Maybe you found yourself a girlfriend who you can go shopping with! I'd recommend that you go look for another guy to fill your needs sexually though rather than trying to "fix" a boi.

[mochi-love]

I am not his first girlfriend. In Fact, he claims that he left his last girlfriend because she kept asking him if he'd leave her for a guy. She'd point ones out and say, "does he look good?".

He said she was sad she didn't trust him.

I am talking to him about it, and he says he doesn't want female parts. and wants nothing to do with anal sex and men.
But i guess the bottom line is, I don't want a female-female relationship. I love him so much it hurts. He asked if it was to early for him to tell me. And to be quite frank, i would have liked to know the first day, so we both knew what we were getting into.

Because I feel that if I stay with him ( because he says he doesn't want to let me go, and i'm the only girl he wants) We are doing ourselves both wrong, because he's not with a person he's really attracted to, and I love a man that wants to be a woman. And I need a man. I am biologically attracted to men. T_T ohh boy...

[RabbitsOfTheWorldUnite]

I feel your frustration. That's why I have one boyfriend (of over 5 years) who fulfills my sexual needs and other (of right about 7 years) who fulfills my emotional needs. I haven't yet found a guy capable of handling both sufficiently well enough for me!

[tekla]

Life is too short to not be getting what it is you want, need or desire.  It proves hard enough to get that as is it.  No reason to go down roads that are not going to get you there.

[Cindy]

Hi

Relationships are complex things.

The rule most people follow in developing a relationship of any sort is comfort and respect.  If you or they are uncomfortable or don't respect each other, I think it is time to move on.

By the sounds of this as your first boyfriend it would be a challenge to be involved in a long term BDSM relationship unless you are inclined to that life style. There is nothing wrong with the life style, but if it isn't for you, well move on in a respectful and friendly way.

Follow what you wish to achieve in a relationship, just as he needs to.

Cindy

[mochi-love]

Thank you every one for responding. You are awesome! =]

It would seem that way. We are trying things out, well we would like to, but our parents are restricting us from seeing each other. My parents found out sadly, and they think i'm wasting my time on a homosexual using me as a cover up.

I would like to see us grow. And surprisingly I have no problem exploring BDSM. It's more of, who is the female, and when.

And yes, I do realize that we are doing harm if we stay together, but it's mutual that we don't want to split. Though i don't know for what reasons on his side.

[RabbitsOfTheWorldUnite]

Your parents are wise, but as long as you know it's just playtime, go ahead and have some fun since it's mutual. Keep alert for when a better relationship comes up though!

Above all else: play SAFE.

[Teddy19]

Wow sounds alot like my relationship. the only difference being is im the sub in the BDSM ive even earned my collar my bf just recently admitted to crossdressing and ive felt like im dating a girl for a while. but i said something to him about it and he put on MY favorite blue dress and reminded me who my master is. maybe you could suggest he try the same thing so youll both get what you want.

[lilacwoman]

[quote author=mochi-love

This is the strongest reason why I felt that he didn't like girls (he didn't touch me in a romantic way), yet he calls himself a cross dresser,  doesn't show his attraction to female parts. He does when I ask him to, which is like the last few minutes before i have to leave. But...why...do I need to initiate the "sexual interactions"?]

a guy that doesn't like touching female parts is called a homosexual. 

drop him and get one who will like all of you.

[SarahLynn]

a guy that doesn't like touching female parts is called a homosexual.

I am appalled that someone would use such a broad definition for homosexuality. Especially in a setting such as this one. Don't we all wish to be accepted as who we are. We should not judge anyone but ourselves.

There are a multitude of reasons why a male:

doesn't show his attraction to female parts

It could be how he was raised.
It could be linked to shame from his cross dressing.
It could be related to wanting to be a girl.
It could be he doesn't want to open himself up for possible "sexual harassment" claims. One only needs to be accused these days regardless of what actual happens.
It may never have occurred to him to show affection that way.
and the list goes on and on.

Sorry for my little rant. The important thing is for both of you to communicate your needs. Keep in mind he may not have all the answers to your questions yet. He may not have asked them of himself.

I hope this helps.

Lastly: be very very care how you define things in your life. Rigid/broad definitions don't help anyone. As Bruce Lee said "Be like the nature of water."

[lilacwoman]

she's his so-so g/f and obviously the setting was romantic so there was no reason not to enjoy her female bits.

if she allowed the BDSM to become dominant in the relationship it would be great for him and awful for her. she can't be an emotional prop to someone no matter how real his problems may be.

she needs to realise she doesn't owe him anything and go find a guy who likes her for herself and not her panties.