gender dysphoria and fearing failure

[Torn1990]

Hey everyone how are you doing? i'm doing okay I just wanted to talk about something.
So school in general has been very tough. I've always been troubled by my apperance, and of course gender dysphoria is linked with that as well. My trouble with my appearance is a rather complicated distraction that really takes most of my focus especially away from my studies. Gender dysphoria is rather uncomfortable and depressing, and I just can't seem to focus on school and I don't know if this is common or not among young transgender people. It certainly steps on my confidence a bit seeing as most of my previous friends from highschool seem to be "on there way.." but i also realize I have little clue what I want to end up studying. The only thing I can think about is my appearance is what i'm getting at.
Anyway, I mostly wanted to know if anyone else around my age is having similar troubles, or if anyone had any similar troubles in the past and feel gender dysphoria burdened their success. I want to focus on school,  I just can't find the drive. I'm actaully worried about ending up a hobo or just not being successful at all or something. Which sounds ridiculous... But it's becoming this fear. 

[MarinaM]

I'm living the tail end of what you're describing- the only thing that helped me was the process of transition. I'm 27, I can barely bring myself to go outside because of my current state, and it gets better the more that I accept where I'm going.

I also recently found a field of interest: ecology.

I lost this semester to GID because of my recent coming out and the social difficulties which that entails, but I fully plan on being totally awesome and successful as soon as I'm able to go full time comfortably.

Someone asked why I couldn't do that as a guy- doing it as a man was doing it as a lie, that's why.

[Torn1990]

Someone asked why I couldn't do that as a guy- doing it as a man was doing it as a lie, that's why.

That's actually how I feel in some form. 

[Izumi]

That's actually how I feel in some form.

The problem is your not looking at things clearly.  School is a stepping stone to transition, transition isnt just HRT and making yourself look pretty and putting on dresses it is a process by witch you become in touch with who you really are and transform yourself into a functioning man and woman in society. 

You are trapped in depression which makes sense, a lot of us are, they see doing normal things as a waste if they cannot do them as their intended gender but nothing can be further from the truth, going to school will make it possible for your dreams to become a reality, its moving forward.  Transition requires money, school helps you to obtain money, money you use to fund your transition and at the same time get an education which will help you even after you finish you transition, making you a well rounded person able to function in society.  Too many people make transition their only goal in life, my suggestion is fine a purpose and a goal in your life outside transition and work to accomplish it, transition is merely another step in obtaining that goal, as is school, the only time you actually fail is if you stop moving forward.   Being scared or just wanting to give up, is exactly when you stop.  You have to keep going no matter how hard it becomes even the smallest steps are progress, because let me tell you, the grass is greener when you make it.

I was a total complete loser before i transitioned, and it took everything i had, physically, mentally, and financially to make it this far, and although i am not finished, i have turned my whole life around because when it got tough, i didnt stop, i made what little progress i could and continued during the darkest of times.  Now i am passable, have lots of friends, family, career, and even got engaged to a man who didnt know i was TS; something i never thought would happen in my life i am happier now then ever in my whole life.   To get to this point i went through countless episodes like the one your having, but i just didnt stop, i just kept going, i saw every step forward as coming just that much closer to my goal, if you look at it this way, school will help make you the woman you always hoped you would be.

[Northern Jane]

Oh I crashed and burned BIG TIME in college!

I had taken a couple of years after high school to earn the money to go to college. In those days there was no SRS and no legal method to transition so although I had started HRT at 18, I was "stuck" for years. The boy I had been in love with since Grade 7 said he wanted to date other girls (he wanted sex!) but I always hoped my  situation would change.

By college, I confused people - they couldn't' figure out if I was a girl in disguise or a really weird boy LOL! - and I registered as "non-gender-specific" since I knew that if I survived, at some point I would be living as a woman.

College was HARD, the workload was terrible, and it was really hard to stay focused because the GID kept getting in the way. In my second year, I heard that my old boyfriend was getting married and my world fell completely apart  🙁 I just couldn't see any future, I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't even hold back the tears so I dropped out, moved back home and immersed myself in a job.

Fortunately, less than 2 years later SRS became available and I was GONE!

Within a short time after starting life over, my career REALLY began to take off  🙂 All that momentum and determination that had gone into fighting the GID had a new outlet - career - and I could out study and out work 99% of people. 37 years later, I can't believe how far I have come - WAY beyond anything anyone would have ever suspected.

If I were young and in college today, I would DO something about the GID, maybe go as far in transition as you possibly can. There is no better time to take action than when you are young and there are resources available to help - all you have to do is find them. Taking some positive steps toward your future will make a huge difference in how you feel about all this and will free up energy for your studies.

[MarinaM]

I didn't mean to accentuate the negative  🙁 All of these positive things are now happening because I can see a future for myself as a woman, and it's workable. I just had a hiccup! 

[Ryno]

I definitely began having trouble in school after grade 8. As soon as I got to high school grades started gradually dropping, so did my focus and my motivation, and my depression and anxiety started increasing. I remember my grade 12 English teacher telling me I have more potential than he's seen in years, but I lack the initiative to achieve it. Things got really bad when I entered college; I dropped out of two different programs in two years due to a lack of focus and motivation. At the time I was going through a really rough relationship with a girl who pretty much refused to let me transition, and I held back for fear of losing her.

I'm not in school now so I can't tell if anything's improved academically since coming out and starting to transition. But I do plan on furthering my education once I realy figure out what the hell I plan on doing for the rest of my life.

I personally think gender dysphoria affects us in school so negatively because school for the majority of us is an incredibly social thing and having about a thousand kids or more treating us like someone we don't feel we are extremely draining. We spend all that time pretending to be what is socially acceptable and get depressed or suffer from anxiety, and that in turn lowers confidence and makes it hard to keep focus on the important things like getting good grades.

[justmeinoz]

All I can add, having been through all this in the 60's, and having no-one to turn to for help where I lived,  is- Take Maths as far as you can!  It is the most important subject of the lot, so at least try to get that, if nothing else.
No matter what you study, it will be harder to catch up than any other subject, and is neccessary for lots of Uni courses. The higher you can take it the better, and if you can get into it will distract you a lot.
Hope you can find some balance.  Karen.

[espo]

Dysphoria of any kind totally sucks and it can take over completely if you let it.  Knowing you are there and that its effecting your schooling and NOT wanting it to is a major plus for you.

[Tesseract Allen]

Personally I feel like I'm in need of just growing up. I see the transition as more of a swap to my adult self, a change to the person I want to be. Pat of that person is the gender, part the career, part the personality that I want to project. Not to say that this thing isn't a driving part of my life, I think about it almost every second of every day, but it need not overshadow what I'm going to do with my life.

[Ryno]

All I can add, having been through all this in the 60's, and having no-one to turn to for help where I lived,  is- Take Maths as far as you can!  It is the most important subject of the lot, so at least try to get that, if nothing else.
No matter what you study, it will be harder to catch up than any other subject, and is neccessary for lots of Uni courses. The higher you can take it the better, and if you can get into it will distract you a lot.
Hope you can find some balance.  Karen.

GREAT advice. I regret not taking math more seriously. It was never my strong suit and never would be but it would have been nice to at least try. I'm talented in the arts and languages. And now I'm a jobless college drop out, go figure 😕 lol. Not saying every art student ends up like me lol. I just wish I applied myself more in school.

Maybe if I started transitioning sooooneerr.... hmmmm. *wink*

[pretty pauline]

even got engaged to a man who didnt know i was TS; something i never thought would happen in my life i am happier now then ever in my whole life.

Thats fantastic news Izumi, I didn't realized you are now engaged, your situation is a bit similar to mine, my fiance who is now my Husband since last August, didn't know I was trans but I tolded him when we got engaged, does your fiance know your history now, of course thats your business.
My year long engagment was 1 of the happiest years of my life, its just ''nothing'' to a guy, part of next chapter, but very exciting and very beautiful for a woman, getting that commitment from the man you love, then the planing, the flowers and of course the dress, then the big day princess bride, Id do it all again, Im now a married woman, when is your big day, keeps who posted.
Pauline