-CRaSH's thread

[-CRaSH-]

As feminine beings we are sensitive to being objectified. It is even more sensitive for transitioning transsexual women, many of whom who have anguish over their genitals, only to find there are men attracted to those genitals and want us to compromise our own identity and act as gay males, which we arent.

Respectfully, the MTF community is trying to understand your presence here, so you are getting some attention. I'm not saying it is, but if it is for dating purposes, this isnt the right place.

If its for friendship, then it is. 

peace.

-Valerie

Oh, that's understandable. I'm not here on the "prowl" trying to find a date. I don't know where you guys live, many of you are lesbians, and many of you are also out of my age range (I'm 19). Not to mention I have other things on my mind right now.

But I do sometimes e-flirt with some users.

[-CRaSH-]

CRaSH, I'm sorry that you haven't had the most warmhearted welcome from some people here on Susan's. In my opinion, it's uncalled for. It's like putting someone on a bucking bull who's never ridden and expecting them not to fall off. You don't know the "etiquette" behind transpeople, but you are willing to learn, and I'm sure you've had respectful intentions behind every post you've made.

People of Susan's, opressing the opressors is not going to bring equality or understanding. (Not to say you're an opressor CRaSH, but if transpeople acted this way to every cis person we knew, who would want to give us rights or freedom?)

I'm sorry CRaSH.

Thanks, it's no problem.
I've noticed that the MtF's are mistrusting/ defensive of everything that I do, because the people that are most violent to them are CIS males. I can understand why the MtF's behave like this towards me. But hears the problem. When someone like me takes interest in the T community, but the community as a whole acts like my mere presence is problematic, it's discouraging.

It discourages other CIS's from even learning about T's.

So it's like you guys are sabatoging yourselves.

[V M]

Tell us a little more about yourself Crash 

Are you working? Going to school? What are some of your interests?

[-CRaSH-]

I was only responding to his comment of wondering why some mtf's may be angry/reacting to him. He did post in the non-op section about sexual interests, so it is not about every cis male we come into contact with. We have other cis males here that havent had any controversy. If you've ever had a male try to coerce you into allowing him to use your genitals for his pleasure at your expense, it may be easier to understand. I'm not saying Crash has done that at all, but he has expressed an interest in genitals of mtf's.

I'm not oppressing him, if it sounds like it, I apologize Crash.

Nahh, it's cool. When it sounds like I'm trying to get "laid" on this site, I'm just e-flirting it's harmless fun.

But there are MtF who don't want to, or never want to have the surgery. I'm sure that they'd be happy that someones their genitals.

[-CRaSH-]

Yoxi is actually an MTF still presenting as male. This is part of the complexity of our condition and this site that takes time to learn and understand. We can't make assumptions based on profile pics.

I know that now, he had explained it to me already.

[-CRaSH-]

Well now Crash you do have to admit that when you read back some of your early posts you didn't exactly phrase things in an optimal way. For example in one early post, which I will admit got me irate, you said words to the effect that you would only see an MtF as valid if she conformed to your ideas of femininity.

I agree that later on you did clarify and moderate that statement somewhat but the thing is I don't know a single natal female who wouldn't also have been somewhat upset by the notion of having to conform to a mans concept of womanhood in order to be validated.

So if you want my opinion it isn't MtF's that you tend to upset, it is women in general because to my eyes some of your expressed opinions come over as more than a touch chauvinistic at times. I accept that you may not MEAN them to, but unfortunately they do.

Now it is true that some of those on this site who are in transition are probably more sensitive than normal, but you must remember that most of them are effectively going through a second puberty. It may seem strange to you, but they do regress to adolescent behaviour simply because the HRT is rewiring their systems.

Clearly I don't have that excuse. After 23 years living with another woman I was probably just being a typical militant feminist and being critical of normal male behaviour. So don't take it personally. In fact if it makes you feel better just write me off as a typical lesbian man hater (although I assure you I am not).

See.... Now this is strange. I'm an MRA, the sworn enemy of feminists. And ou said that I was displaying "typical male behavior". I'm sorry but that's akin to saying that a Jew being greedy is displaying typical Jew behavior.

That's hate speech.

And I never said that MTF, or any womB for that matter have to conform to my ideas of feminity. I just said for a MTF to be my GF she has to look very feminine in appearance. You know "pass".

[Sarah Louise]

Crash, this is not the place for flirting, e-flirting or not.  Please refrain from that type of post.

[-CRaSH-]

Tell us a little more about yourself Crash 

Are you working? Going to school? What are some of your interests?

I'm not working ATM, I had almost gotten a job selling knives but I had to turn them down because I didn't have a vehicle to drive from place to place at that time.

Then I almost got a job at walmart but they decided not to hire me, because I have a violent crime on my record. I'm trying to get that charge expunged(off my record).

Basically what I do right now is just run, and lift weights.

Someone had said that this is a place to discuss ones issues. My main issue right now is that I may be a psychopath.

[-CRaSH-]

Crash, this is not the place for flirting, e-flirting or not.  Please refrain from that type of post.

Awwww man  .

[nickikim]

Wow, being out of work sucks, did you do any time ? Do you want to tell us what ya did ? At least what the charge was?   Why do you say you might be a phycopath?  Do you think you need help with that? Are you ever afraid you might reoffend?  Wow too many questions .

[-CRaSH-]

Wow, being out of work sucks, did you do any time ? Do you want to tell us what ya did ? At least what the charge was?   Why do you say you might be a phycopath?  Do you think you need help with that? Are you ever afraid you might reoffend?  Wow too many questions .

I haven't been to a shrink. But I do have some traits of a psychopath. I don't have a conscience, I don't carea bout anyone, I like to hurt people, ETC. I was not born this way.

And my charge is battery. Some guy had stole my stuff while I was in high school so I beat him pretty badly.

[xAndrewx]

Crash, I again thank you for the fact that you are learning. It's great to have another ally. Something you said about privilege in another post got me to thinking if you thought about things we, as trans people, cannot do.

When I was younger I wanted to be in the military. I wanted to serve my country and help people. The military won't allow me to be the man I am there though and I could not have lived a lie and pretended to be female. It would have made myself and those around me miserable.

I was in a 5 year relationship with my ex and we wanted to be married but because I did not have the male genitals that I wanted so badly I was not allowed to have a valid "straight" marriage after 5 years yet teenagers in a month long relationship can get married.

When my ex (yes, she cheated on me but I forgave her) got pregnant I could not adopt the baby in many states because I could not afford almost $6,000 that my state requires in order for them to call me male. A surgery that I dream of.

Every day I go into work and am terrified of a guy realizing that I'm not biologically male even though I live as male because I cannot afford the almost $600 for a name change.

In high school I was forced to use the girls bathroom or else risk being expelled/suspended. There I would get laughed at and yelled at for simply wanting to rush into the bathroom and rush out. I was late to class often because I would wait until everyone left to leave the stall for fear of being tormented or attacked.

Please don't think I mean any disrespect man. You came here asking questions and wanting to learn so I'm giving you my point of view. Imagine living like that.

[-CRaSH-]

Crash, I again thank you for the fact that you are learning. It's great to have another ally. Something you said about privilege in another post got me to thinking if you thought about things we, as trans people, cannot do.

When I was younger I wanted to be in the military. I wanted to serve my country and help people. The military won't allow me to be the man I am there though and I could not have lived a lie and pretended to be female. It would have made myself and those around me miserable.

I was in a 5 year relationship with my ex and we wanted to be married but because I did not have the male genitals that I wanted so badly I was not allowed to have a valid "straight" marriage after 5 years yet teenagers in a month long relationship can get married.

When my ex (yes, she cheated on me but I forgave her) got pregnant I could not adopt the baby in many states because I could not afford almost $6,000 that my state requires in order for them to call me male. A surgery that I dream of.

Every day I go into work and am terrified of a guy realizing that I'm not biologically male even though I live as male because I cannot afford the almost $600 for a name change.

In high school I was forced to use the girls bathroom or else risk being expelled/suspended. There I would get laughed at and yelled at for simply wanting to rush into the bathroom and rush out. I was late to class often because I would wait until everyone left to leave the stall for fear of being tormented or attacked.

Please don't think I mean any disrespect man. You came here asking questions and wanting to learn so I'm giving you my point of view. Imagine living like that.

I was definitely not refering to trans privlede in any of my posts. Trans privledge just doesn't exist.

When do you think you'l be able to get the money? And if it doesn't hurt you too much to explain. Why did your ex cheat on you?

[xAndrewx]

I know you weren't man, no worries. That's just what popped into my head when I read your post and figured I would jot it down, maybe help you see another point of view of a transguy.

My ex cheated on me because she is a compulsive liar and cheats on every person she is with whether biomale, biofemale, trans, or anything else. She just cheats on everyone. I knew that and stayed with her so long because I loved her so much. When her daughter (Bella) was born, I was there. I held her even before her mother did and my ex thought I was a great parent but she will never change. She just will not stay faithful to one person. I hope one day she will because it would be sad for her and Bella both.

As for the cash, I work part time but I have a lot of bills. It looks like I'll be getting my name change this month hopefully but surgery seems like it'll never happen at the moment. I might end up trying to get loans.

[-CRaSH-]

Oh. You might want to look up if you can get a grant from the government(just type it into google). That should help.

And what is wrong with your ex(does she have some kind of mental disorder?). I've heard of people like that, but I've never seen one.

I'm assuming she bisexual.

[xAndrewx]

Honestly I think she's straight and just likes the attention she gets from being with girls but I could be wrong so I cannot judge. She does have some mental issues but really I think it comes down to low self-esteem and once she is out of that constant attention stage from one person she moves onto the next before breaking it off with the first person. Again, I cannot judge because I do not know for sure.

Grants can be tough to get especially for trans surgery. Plus, there are people out there with life-threatening diseases who could use medical grants more than I need them. While for some this is life-threatening I am able to live with it knowing that eventually surgery will be an option.

So, you lift weights, me too though I'm just getting into it so I'm not so great. I can only lift 40lbs in free-weights as of now. How much can you lift? You don't have to answer, I'm just curious.

[SnailPace]

Sorry to intrude but I had a thought about your ex, Andrew. 

It may be that she is just a naturally non-monogamous person and would be better suited to be in open or polyamorous relationships.  If this is the case she may be able to find a person to be in a happy relationship with without having to compromise.

[xAndrewx]

It's a good thought Snailpace. I did ask her a few times and tell her I was open to it but she said she wasn't interested. You are probably right, she probably is but was denying it.

[-CRaSH-]

Honestly I think she's straight and just likes the attention she gets from being with girls but I could be wrong so I cannot judge. She does have some mental issues but really I think it comes down to low self-esteem and once she is out of that constant attention stage from one person she moves onto the next before breaking it off with the first person. Again, I cannot judge because I do not know for sure.

Grants can be tough to get especially for trans surgery. Plus, there are people out there with life-threatening diseases who could use medical grants more than I need them. While for some this is life-threatening I am able to live with it knowing that eventually surgery will be an option.

So, you lift weights, me too though I'm just getting into it so I'm not so great. I can only lift 40lbs in free-weights as of now. How much can you lift? You don't have to answer, I'm just curious.

Benchpress: 300
Squat: 315 for reps

ETC. I've been lifting weights since 9th grade(I graduated last year) so I'm not a newbie.

I know it's harder for you to develop because you were born female, but just hang in there.

And I have a question, has your ex ever attacked you? or any of her other exs?

[xAndrewx]

Thanks man well I'm about 3 1/2 months on Testosterone and it's way easier to lift now so it's a start at least. My muscle gain has been massive in comparison to before. Your lifting is pretty impressive man, that's awesome.

That's an interesting question but yes, she has been known to be abusive. Almost lost one of my teeth due to that actually. Sorry for sidetracking your thread by the way.